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Chapter 12

Chapter 12. Death and Dying. How Well Are You Living Life?. Write two eulogies for yourself Write an actual eulogy — one you would give at your own funeral today Write a feared eulogy — one that you fear someone might say. Discuss. Read your Eulogies (one, both, or neither) to others.

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Chapter 12

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  1. Chapter 12 Death and Dying

  2. How Well Are You Living Life? • Write two eulogies for yourself • Write an actual eulogy — one you would give at your own funeral today • Write a feared eulogy — one that you fear someone might say

  3. Discuss • Read your Eulogies (one, both, or neither) to others. • What was it like for you to write this eulogy? What feelings came up for you as you wrote it? • What does your eulogy say about how well you are living your life?

  4. Death and Loss • FEARS OF DEATH AND DYING • Some of the aspects of death we may fear are --- • Ceasing to be • Leaving behind those we love • Losing ourselves • Encountering the unknown • Coping with the indignity of a painful and long dying process • Growing distant in the memories of others

  5. Discuss • If you knew you were going to die within a limited time span (say one week or one year), in what ways would you live your life differently from the way you’re living it now? • What would you want to be doing that you’re not doing now? What things would you be giving up? What would you be seeking most? Do you have any unfinished business you would want to take care of?

  6. Death and the Meaning of Life • Life and death are two facets of the same reality • Realization of death can revitalize our goals • Acceptance of death can lead to discovery of meaning and purpose in life • Because time on earth is limited, there is an urgency about living • Ancient Greek dictum — “Contemplate death if you would learn how to live.”

  7. Exercise • If you were dying now, and you could review your life to date (what you have been, what you have become, and so on), how would you view your life? What would you want to complete before your death? What does your answer tell you about the way you are living now?

  8. Some Common Myths About Suicide • There are no warning signs • People who are suicidal want to die • People who talk about suicide will not do it • Suicide is genetic • Young people are more likely than old people to commit suicide

  9. Some Warning Signs Indicating Suicidal Potential • Previous suicidal threats or comments • Giving away prized possessions • Talking about specific ways and a time plan for committing suicide • Absence of a sense of purpose in life • Chronic depression and feelings of hopelessness

  10. Some Warning Signs Indicating Suicidal Potential • Increased substance use • Extreme changes of behavior and sudden personality shifts • Isolation and withdrawal from friends and family • Getting one’s life in order

  11. The Hospice Movement • Hospice is a philosophy with the main focus on end-of-life care; It affirms life, not death • Hospice services are provided in the dying person’s home and replace more expensive and impersonal treatment options • Hospice is a form of palliative or symptom-oriented care with the goal of maximizing the present quality of living and minimizing discomfort • The hospice approach offers care to the patient-and-family unit

  12. The Hospice Movement • Hospice programs offer formal and informal support services for volunteers and staff members • Hospice is holistic care • The hospice approach combines professional skills and human presence through interdisciplinary teamwork • Hospices typically offer continuing care and counseling services for those who survive the death of a loved one

  13. Stages of Dying Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a pioneer in the study of death and dying, delineated five stages of dying. They are: • Denial • Anger • Bargaining • Depression • Acceptance

  14. Discuss • Discuss the importance of allowing yourself to grieve and mourn over your losses. • What are some of the problems that can arise if you aren’t able to grieve fully? • What are some of the effects of refusing to express and explore feelings of sorrow, anger, guilt, and grief over losses?

  15. Task-Based Model for Coping with Dying • Physical tasks: Coping with pain, nausea, and other physical conditions and minimizing physical distress • Psychological tasks: Maintaining autonomy, security, richness in living, and personal dignity • Social tasks: Sustaining and enhancing the interpersonal attachments valued by the dying person • Spiritual tasks: Searching for the meaning of life and suffering, connectedness, transcendence, and fostering hope

  16. Ten Touchstones Used to Navigate the Bereavement Process • Opening to the presence of loss • Dispelling misconceptions about grief • Embracing the uniqueness of grief • Exploring the feelings of loss • Recognizing one is not crazy • Understanding the needs of mourning • Nurturing oneself • Reaching out to others • Seeking reconciliation • Coming to appreciate one’s process of transformation

  17. A Relational Model of Death and Grieving • People are born into networks of relationships and remain woven into those networks long after they die • Those who lose a loved one can find comfort in developing a new relationship with the person who died • The lives of the deceased continue on in stories that are told about them long after their physical bodies perish • The emphasis of this alternative model is not on detaching and moving on

  18. Discuss • What are some ways that you can be “dead” without actually having experienced death? What parts of you are dead? What parts of you are not fully alive?

  19. Discuss • When are you most alive? When do you experience life the most fully? What happens to blunt this feeling of aliveness?

  20. Being “Dead” Psychologically and Socially • Are you caught up in deadening roles? • Are you alive to your senses and your body? • Can you be spontaneous and playful? • Are you alive to your feelings? • Are your relationships alive? • Are you alive intellectually? • Are you alive spiritually?

  21. Homework • Explore the following topics: • your fears of death; • how the reality of death might give your life increased meaning; • ways you can live more fully. • Discuss how death and the meaning of life are interrelated notions.

  22. Discuss • What is the “meaning of life” as you define it today? • Is this different than how you defined this 5 years ago?

  23. Discuss • What values do you hope to teach your children. Which of your values do you hope your children will adopt? How do you hope they will deviate from some of your values?

  24. Exercise • Please do the “take time to reflect” questions on page 382.

  25. Discuss • Discuss some of your answers with others.

  26. Discuss • Why do you think racial stereotyping exists? • What can you think of that would help to alleviate racial stereotyping or prejudice?

  27. Discuss • Do you believe you have a personal responsibility to help to save our planet? • What, if anything, do you do to help to save or protect our planet?

  28. How can you continue to learn and grow? • Develop a reading program • Continue writing (journaling) • Practice on-going self-assessment • Seek counseling when needed

  29. quiz 1.What are the most important things you learned in this course? • What changes have you implemented in your life as a result of this course? • What things did you find most challenging in this course? • How do you feel like the things that you learned about yourself, others, or the topics explored, will help you in the professions you are about to go into. • How do you plan to continue to learn and grow?

  30. Quiz, cont. • Are there any topics that weren’t explored that you would have found meaningful to explore? • Is there anything you would do differently in structuring this course?

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