CHAPTER 3 DRAWING PEOPLE TOGETHER

1. Forces of Social Attraction CHAPTER 3DRAWING PEOPLE TOGETHER

2. 1.Do you think physical attraction is important when initiating a relationship? • Can communication mediate the effects? 2.When is complementarity good? When is it a problem? 3.What is the hard-to-get phenomenon? 4.Give an example of someone you feel Task attraction towards Give an example for Social attraction. Activate your brain

3. Physical • Drawn to appearance—body, eyes, hair, attire, size, ethnicity, or other aspects of appearance. • Social • Someone you’d like to hang out with and/or become friends with • Task-Oriented • Someone who can fulfill instrumental goals (Box 3.1, p. 50-51-assessment) TYPES OF ATTRACTION: The BIG 3

4. Sexual • The desire to engage in sexual activity with someone • Often accompanied by sexual arousal when around that person • May stem from physical attraction, but it is different • Relational • Subcategory of social attraction? (Flashbulb attraction) • Desire to have intimate relationship Do these overlap in romantic relationship? SECONDARY TYPES OF ATTRACTION

5. Physiological and neurological aspects of atrtraction Especially the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin creates a “warm afterglow, tinting our subsequent experiences with rose-colored glasses.” (nasal injection study) Also the brain produces dopamine, the primary pleasure chemical in the human system when around love object. Chemical Attraction

6. Fatal Attraction • The very qualities that drew us to someone eventually contribute to relational breakup • Sense of humor, outgoing, flirtatious • Other examples? PROBLEMATIC ATTRACTION Narcissists Why?

7. FRAMEWORK FOR STUDYING ATTRACTION

8. Perceptions of Reward Value: • What we look for is based on our personal preferences and perceptions of what is rewarding: • Companionship, affection, sex, fun, financial resources • Expectancies: Based on stereotypes or past experiences • Violations can increase or decrease attraction… how? • Expectations and self-fulfilling prophecies • Expectation of future interaction increases the chances that people will find the individual attractive. Why? Personal Qualities & Preferences

9. Demographic Characteristics • Sex and Gender (what’s the difference?) • Men look for physical attractiveness, women look for similarity/personality. • Women more attracted to older men; men are more attracted to younger women. • How might socio-evolutionary theory explain this? Any other explanations? PERSONAL QUALITIES & PREFS (CONT.)

10. This research may be flawed by social desirability bias, but what would you predict for a woman who is 23 years old and thinking of marriage?

11. How about a man’s choice?

12. Gender Differences: “Traditional” men and women (i.e., masculine men and feminine women) may be more attracted to the “traditional” other • What about androgynous individuals? • Age Seem to be • Sexual Orientation few differences PERSONAL QUALITIES & PREFS (CONT.)

13. Personal Qualities & Prefs (cont.) • Personality Differences • Attachment Style: secure, dismissive, fearful avoidant, preoccupied—(more in Ch. 7) • Relationship Beliefs (destiny & growth beliefs) • Self-Esteem • Narcissism (exaggerated sense of self importance, though possibly low self-esteem so may be attracted to those who admire them)

14. Physical Appearance Universal Attributes of Beauty • Body and Facial Symmetry • Height for men • Body Proportionality and the Golden Ratio • Waist-to-Hip Ratio • Physical fitness and athletic build (both men and women) QUALITIES OF THE OTHER PERSON

15. What is Beautiful is Good Hypothesis (Halo Effect) • Evolutionary Theory(aspects related to health and fertility) • Interaction Appearance Theory • People perceive others as less attractive when in a relationship • and more attractive if they have warm, positive interactions with them. • Assimilation Effect • Some of the attention that physically attractive people get spills over to their friend Theories of Physical Attractiveness

16. Interpersonal Communication Skills • May override physical attractiveness • Warmth, sociability, and competence • Dominance and altruistic behavior combo most attractive to women • The Loss-Gain Effect Qualities of the Other Person, cont.

17. Hard-to-Get Phenomenon Who do we find more attractive? Easy to getModerately difficultVery difficult • Which do we prefer? 1. Easy for us to get--Difficult for others to get 2. Difficult for us to get--Easy for others to get Qualities of the Other Person, cont.

18. Similarity: Do Birds of a Feather Flock Together? • Attitudinal similarity • Reinforcement Model • Similarity in communication skill • Why are poor communicators attracted to other poor communicators? • Similarity in Physical Attractiveness • The matching hypothesis (degree, not kind) • Implicit egotism The Chemistry Between Two People

19. Chemistry, cont. • Complementarity: Do opposites attract? Differences in degree or kind on various dimensions of behavior, attitudes, resources, etc. • When people have differences, which seems to work better? • Resources and behaviors • Attitudes and values • What role does commitment play in the importance of similarity vs. complementarity?

20. Microenvironmental Features • Reinforcement Affect Model • certain environments make people feel good • Excitation Transfer • Dutton and Aron’s (1974) Bridge Study • Influence from Social Networks • Approval from family & friends • The Romeo and Juliet Effect • Proximity • How might online dating sites change this? ENVIRONMENTAL & SOCIAL FACTORS

21. What elements of attraction predict a long-term and satisfying relationship? What research has not yet been able to tell us-- Suggestions?