Chapter 10 ACHIEVING EMOTIONAL CONTROL
The Eight Forms of Intelligence • Howard Gardner proposed eight intelligences: • Language • Math and logic • Music • Spatial reasoning • Movement • Interpersonal intelligence • Intrapersonal intelligence • Naturalist intelligence
Emotional Intelligence • Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to see and control your own emotions and to understand the emotional states of other people. • Emotional competenceis an extremely important factor in understanding EI. • * IQ tests are not a good predictor of intelligence
Emotional Intelligence • Emotional competence results in outstanding performance at work. • The two types of emotional competence are personal competence and social competence. • The four areas of emotional intelligence, called clusters, are self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, and relationship management.
Emotional Intelligence • Self-awareness is the ability to understand the way one is “coming off” to other people. • Social awareness is a set of skills that allows a person to understand the politics of the workplace.
Emotional Intelligence • Self-management is the ability to hold oneself and not overreact when something is bothersome. • Relationship management enables an individual to communicate effectively and to build meaningful interpersonal relationship both with individuals and with groups.
Learning to Apply Emotional Intelligence • A few practical approaches to improve EI are: • Review what you know about self-awareness. • Carefully watch others whose social competence seems to be high, who have social awareness skills that you don’t have but would like to attain. • Work actively on improving your self-management skills. • Develop relationship management skills.
Dealing with Anger • Anger • Comes more from how we process events than the nature of the events themselves. • **Occurs when one is convinced that other people are to blame for deliberately and unnecessarily causing trouble. • Arises when one interprets the behavior of other people as breaking the rules of appropriate behavior.
Dealing with Anger • Anger produces results that are negative and damaging. • It prevents the individual to look at other ways of seeing reality. • It blinds the individual to their responsibility for what has happened. • It blinds one to other, less painful ways of dealing with the problem. • It increases, if left unchecked. • Anger is often based on fear of some type.
Dealing with Anger • Steps for dealing with anger: • Ascertain the causes that triggered your anger in a given situation; a few causes might include fatigue, excessive stress, and factors such as excessive alcohol intake . • *Examinespecifically the damage your anger has caused. • Work on developing and using conflict management skills. • Think about constructive ways to help calm you down.
Assertiveness, Aggressiveness,and Anger • Assertiveness means standing up for one’s rights without threatening the self-esteem of the other person. • It is important to use when one senses that someone is trying to take advantage of him or her.
Assertiveness, Aggressiveness,and Anger • Aggressiveness involves hurting others and putting them on the defensive. • When one’s equal rights as a human being are threatened, he or she might be either passive or aggressive, both of which are damaging.
Defensive Behaviors • Defensiveness is the inappropriate reaction to others behavior as though it was an attack. • **It usually comes from two sources: low self-esteem and fear.
Defensive Behaviors • Common defensive reactions used in the workplace: • **Counterattack- Involves responding with an attack when felt under attack. • Passive-aggressive behavior - Expression of an understated rage. • **Pointless explanations - Stems from a belief that the other person has been on the attack only because that person “doesn’t understand.” • Creating a distraction - It introduces a point or fact that is irrelevant to the issue at hand; Also called using a “red herring.”
Defensive Behaviors • Steps to reduce defensiveness: • Take a bit of time to get refocused and get a renewed perspective. • Use “I statements.” • Avoid absolute words like always and never. • Make positive assumptions about other people involved. • Learn to separate your work from who you are.
Scripts • The concept of script has been used to explain some important facts about human behavior. • Scripts are divided into four categories - cultural scripts, family scripts, religious scripts, and gender scripts.
Games People Play • Game is an encounter between two people that produces a “payoff” for the one who starts the game, at the expense of the other player. • Games are usually emotion-based activities, don’t really help any of the players. • They cause damage to the organization - wasted time, lowered morale, and decreased output.
Games People Play • Two common characteristics of games: • At least one insincere statement per game. • A payoff of some kind to at least one of the players. • Games vary in terms of intensity: • First-degree games: quite harmless. • Second-degree games: harmful and cause danger. • Third-degree games: result in physical injury.
Games People Play • Examples of common workplace games: • “Why Don’t You . . . Yes, But”: The person reassures both them self and the other individual that “Nobody’s going to tell me what to do.” • Blemish: A trivia game where the pay-off to a player is a temporary boost to his or her ego. • Wooden Leg: The focus is on excuses. Also known as “My Excuses Are Better Than Yours.”
Games People Play • Examples of common workplace games (cont.): • Harried (or Harried Executive): Played by someone who uses being “too busy” as an excuse to not interact with others. • Now I’ve Got You : One person tries to trap the other in a mistake, a lie, or some other type of negative situation.
Games People Play • **Office politicsis a larger game that contains combinations of other games. • Game playing prevents employees from enjoying open, honest relationships with others.
Strategies for Success • Stopping games before they start: • Work on your self-esteem. • Try to remain rational, regardless of the other person’s state of mind. • Try to get the other person to be rational and honest. • Give positive feedback to other people. • De-emphasize the weaknesses of others.