Competencies • Identify typical emotions involved in the grieving process. • Identify the mourning process. • Discuss how to develop a healthy outlook concerning death.
It is a far, far better thing that I do, than anything I have ever done;it is a far, far, better rest that I go to, than I have ever known. -Charles Dickens Death and Grieving When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.Live your life in a manner so that when you die the world cries and you rejoice. --Native American Proverb
Strange as it may seem, death is a part of living. Where did you learn your ideas or views about death? • Family • Religious beliefs • Superstitions • Experiences with death • Attitude toward life • Mental health • Media • Science
3. What positive and negative statements could you make about your life thus far?
4. What are some ways people deny that death is part of everyone's life? • MANY PEOPLE AVOID USING THE WORD DEATH OR DEAD, • PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE WILLS, • PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE ARRANGEMENTS FOR WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF THEY DIED, ETC.
6. Name the three major stages the body passes through in dying and briefly describe what happens in each stage. a. CLINICAL DEATH—WHEN THE HEART AND LUNGS CEASE TO FUNCTION b. BRAIN DEATH—LACK OF OXYGEN TO BRAIN CELLS c. CELLULAR DEATH—WHEN OXYGEN IN THE TISSUES AND ORGANS IS DEPLETED AND ALL FUNCTIONS SLOWLY CEASE
7. How is it possible that there can be disagreement concerning whether or not a person is dead. (WITH MEDICAL TECHNOLOGY, MACHINES CAN KEEP A BODY FUNCTIONING EVEN THOUGH THE INDIVIDUAL IS NO LONGER AWARE OF HIS/HER EXISTENCE.)
Grief • The pain, discomfort, mental and physical feeling that most people feel following the death of a loved one. • People suffer grief at the loss of anything. It doesn’t just have to be death.
Denial • In this stage we refuse to believe what has happened. We try in our mind to tell ourselves that life is as it was before our loss. • We can even make believe to an extent by re enacting rituals that we used to go through with our loved one.
We set an extra plate at the table. • We expect them to be there when we get home. • We flash back to memories and conversations. • These are all part of this stage.
Anger The anger can manifest itself in many ways. • We blame others for our loss. • We become easily agitated having emotional outbursts. • We can even become angry at ourselves. • Care must be taken here not to turn the anger inwards. • Release of this anger is essential!
TIPS FOR COPING WITH ANGER: • Exercise (jog, hike, kickbox, brisk walk, climb a tree…) • Meditation, yoga, deep breathing • Journal • Write an angry letter & destroy it
Bargaining • Bargaining can be with ourselves or if you are religious with your god. • Often we will offer something to try to take away the reality of what really happened. • We may try to make a deal, to have our loved one back as they were before the tragic event occurred. • It is only human to want things back as they were before.
Depression • Depression is a very likely outcome for all people that grieve for a loss. • This is the most difficult of the stages to deal with. • There can be a feeling of listness and tiredness. • Outbursts of tears may occur.
You may feel like there is no purpose to your life anymore. • You may feel like you are being punished. • Pleasure and joy may be difficult to express. • There may even be thoughts of suicide. • If at anytime, you feel like doing yourself harm, professional counseling should be sought. • If this stage lasts more than 3-6 months, you should consider seeking professional counseling.
Acceptance • This is the final stage of grief. • It happens when you know that you have to go on. • You can accept your loss and now be able to regain your energy and goals for the future. • It may take some time to get to this stage..but you will get there!
Disinterest in Eating Numbness Tightness in Throat Pain Can’t Sleep Tired Unfeeling
Sense of Unfairness Feeling of Relief Anxiety Stabbing Pain Guilt Hostility Sudden Anger Gladness Fear Anger
Shock • Occurs between the time of death and time of the final arrangements. • During “Shock” one may even deny that the death has occurred.
Intense Feeling of Loss/Pain • Usually occurs two to three months after the loss. • The bereaved person may withdraw from the world.
Resolution • One starts living a regular life.
Anticipatory Grief • The mourning process that occurs prior to death in cases of terminal illnesses.
9. Describe some ways that persons go through a kind of mourning when they experience losses other than death.
10. Explain some problems experienced by family and friends as they cope with the death or dying of someone dear to them. • THE BEREAVED PERSON MAY SHOW EMOTIONAL AND/OR PHYSICAL DISORDERS SUCH AS INSOMNIA, WEIGHT LOSS, HEADACHES, ETC.
12. What are some appropriate things to say to the bereaved? • “I just want you to know I’m thinking about you.“ • “I’m sorry for your loss.” • “If you want to get your mind off things, I’m free….” (movie, dinner, other activities) • Be available to listen, but don’t be pushy!
13. What should you avoid saying to the bereaved? • "CHEER UP,“ • " TIME WILL HEAL ALL WOUNDS," • "HE/SHE IS BETTER OFF," • "IT WAS GOD'S WILL," • "CALL ME IF YOU NEED ME."
14. Describe some ways to express condolences. • DONATION TO A FAVORITE CHARITY, • PERSONAL LETTER, • FLOWERS, • PHONE CALL, • GIFT OF MONEY, • GIFT OF FOOD, • VISIT, • AND ASSISTANCE SUCH AS MOWING THE LAWN, COOKING MEALS, DOING LAUNDRY, BABY SITTING, MAKING PHONE CALLS, ETC.
17. What is the purpose of a memorial service, funeral, or visitation? • Funerals allow for open grieving, expressions of caring support, and a sense of finality. • This seems to be necessary in order to gain closure, reorder our lives, and return to daily life • It’s often an opportunity to celebrate the life of the deceased, as well.
Eulogy • Write an Eulogy. • Be creative in your approach. • Write something by which you truly wish to be remembered.
Your Name:…………..Age:………..died yesterday from:…………………………….He/she was survived by:…………………….At the time of death, he/she was working on becoming………………………………………He/she made contributions in this area:…He/she always hoped to:………………………The body will be:…………………………………
Summary • Accepting death as a part of the human condition helps us get through the losses we are bound to experience. • Coping with crisis may is a necessary skill that will be required of all people at various times in their lives. • The death of a loved one can provide an opportunity to re-order our priorities so that we can be satisfied with our lives when our time to die comes.
The caterpillar dies so the butterfly could be born.And, yet, the caterpillar lives in the butterfly andthey are but one. So, when I die, it will be that Ihave been transformed from the caterpillar of earth tothe butterfly of the universe.-- John Harricharan
My Life • 3 – FF to picture of camera. End when he says, “well this is me.” • 6 – Dr. explaining he won’t live long. End when Dr. says, “Don’t make it any more painful than it has to be.” • 21 – End when Gale says, “Oh, Mom.” • 24 – End when scene is over, “We all are” said by Father. • 26 – End at end of roller coaster ride, seeing light.