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Effective Persuasion David Duresky

Effective Persuasion David Duresky. "Yesable" Propositions . It’s all around us!. Where do we encounter persuasion?. “Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion” -Aristotle. What Doesn’t Work Well. Arm Twisting Guilting Threats

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Effective Persuasion David Duresky

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  1. Effective PersuasionDavid Duresky "Yesable" Propositions

  2. It’s all around us! Where do we encounter persuasion?

  3. “Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion” -Aristotle

  4. What Doesn’t Work Well • Arm Twisting • Guilting • Threats • Logic that is not shared or understood • Others???

  5. Overcoming Barriers I don’t care I don’t like it I don’t like you

  6. “Not brute force but only persuasion and faith are the kings of this world” -Thomas Carlyle

  7. Getting others to want what we want! • First, we have to know what do we want of them– Be Clear! • Then how can we make it easier for them to agree Win-Win

  8. Before Marriage John: Ah… at last, I can hardly wait! Jane: Do you want me to leave? John: No! Don’t even think about it Jane: Do you love me? John: Of course! Always have and always will Jane: Have you ever cheated on me? John: NO! Why are you even asking? Jane: Will you kiss me? John: Every chance I get! Jane: Will you hit me? John: NO!, Are you crazy? Jane: Can I trust you? John: Yes Jane: Darling!

  9. After Marriage (Read from bottom to top) John: Ah… at last, I can hardly wait! Jane: Do you want me to leave? John: No! Don’t even think about it Jane: Do you love me? John: Of course! Always have and always will Jane: Have you ever cheated on me? John: NO! Why are you even asking? Jane: Will you kiss me? John: Every chance I get! Jane: Will you hit me? John: NO!, Are you crazy? Jane: Can I trust you? John: Yes Jane: Darling!

  10. Law of Reciprocity: If you give away something “for free,” people are inclined to reciprocate. It doesn’t always have to be stuff! Maurice Gilbert @ 2010-12-24

  11. Law of Commitment and Consistency: Get your audience to say “yes” in little ways before asking them for the big “yes.”

  12. Law of Liking: When was the last time you bought something from somebody you didn’t like?

  13. “If you wish to win a man over to your ideas, first make him your friend” -Abraham Lincoln

  14. Law of Authority: Having a weighty institution in support of your premise can win over a skeptical audience.

  15. Law of Social Proof: This is the “everybody else is doing it” argument.

  16. “The mind is no match with the heart in persuasion; constitutionality is no match with compassion” -Everett Dirksen

  17. Motivational Interviewing Basic Principles • Empathy • Avoid Arguing • Develop Discrepancies • Roll With Resistance

  18. Empathy Empathy is Not • Sympathy • Agreement • Your opinion

  19. Empathy is… • Carefully listening to the other person • Sorting it through your “filters” • Responding in a way that allows the other person to say “you get me” • And it increases their awareness and insight

  20. Express Empathy • Genuine, Non-Possessive, Warm • It is not • Agreement • Sympathy • Stating your feelings (a word about self-disclosure) • What does it do? • Communicates Caring • Validates the individual and their experiences • Builds rapport

  21. Avoid Argumentation • Arguments require a loser…Who will that be? • Arguments are counterproductive • Defending breeds Defensiveness • Arguing is a predictor of failure

  22. Appealing to Nature Values mapping involves the parties in imaging a future that reflects important value preferences they have

  23. “I would rather try to persuade a man to go along, because once I have persuaded him, he will stick. If I scare him, he will stay just as long as he is scared, and then he is gone” -D.W. Eisenhower

  24. Develop Discrepancy Motivation for change is created when a person perceives a discrepancy between their present behavior, and their goals

  25. Developing Discrepancies • Create or heighten the internal conflicts of the person • Increase their awareness of a discrepancy between where they are currently versus where he or she wants it to be in the future

  26. Rolling with Resistance • Like Verbal Martial Arts • Resistance is not challenged • Use the person’s energy to take you where you want to go • Decreases their tendency to play devils advocate

  27. “The best way to persuade people is with your ears… by listening to them” Dean Rusk

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