Dealing With Difficult People and Managing Across Generations

1. Dealing With Difficult People and Managing Across Generations What is a difficult person? Who is a difficult person? Who are these slackers anyway?

2. Our approach What are the generations, which one am I in and how do I handle others? What is and is not a difficult person General steps to manage difficult people Dealing with difficult employees/subordinates Dealing with a “tough” boss Dealing with difficult co-workers (no supervisory authority over them)

7. Generations: Traditionalists (1900-1945) Baby Boomers (1946-1964) Generation X (1965-1980) Generation Y (Millennials) (1981-2000) Generation Z (Homelanders, iGeneration) (2001-?)

8. Generations: Everyone Else (Esurance) Part Two (How to deal with Boomers) Millennials (Toyota) Part Two (How to deal with Millenials)

9. Generations – Who? Traditionalists - Bob Dole, Elizabeth Taylor Baby Boomers – Bill Clinton, Meryl Streep Generation X – Barack Obama, Jennifer Lopez Generation Y (Millennials) – Ashton Kutcher, Serena Williams Generation Z (Homelanders, iGeneration) – Disney set

10. Generations – Work Ethic? Traditionalists – Adhere to rules, dedicated work ethic Baby Boomers – Challenge authority, work is an anchor in life Generation X – Care less about advancement and more about work/life balance Generation Y (Millennials) – Because of technology, can work flexibly anytime, anyplace and should be allowed to do so. Want their own terms. Generation Z (Homelanders, iGeneration) – No idea

11. Generations – What do they Want at Work? Traditionalists – Recognition and respect for their experience Baby Boomers – Ability to shine and be a star, make a contribution Generation X – Cutting edge systems/tech, forward thinking company, flexibility Generation Y (Millennials) – Want to be challenged, treated with respect despite age, flexibility

12. Generations – Assets? Traditionalists – Experience, knowledge, consistency Baby Boomers – See the big picture, good team players, anxious to please Generation X – Adapt well to change, consumer mentality, communicate Generation Y (Millennials) – Highly educated, multitask fast, technically savvy

13. Generations – Liabilities? Traditionalists – Don’t adapt well to change, hierarchical, don’t deal well with ambiguity Baby Boomers – Expect everyone to be workaholics, dislike conflict and change Generation X – Are cynical and skeptical, have a “portable” resume, are impatient, don’t understand all this optimism Generation Y (Millennials) – Distaste for menial work, need supervision and structure, have high expectations, lack discipline, lack skills for dealing with difficult people

14. Generations – Communication? Traditionalists – Rotary phones, one-on-one, memos Baby Boomers – Touch-tone phones, call me anytime Generation X – Cell phones, call me only at work Generation Y (Millennials) – Internet, picture phones, email

15. Generations – Motivation? Traditionalists – “Your experience is respected,” being respected, security Baby Boomers – “You are valued, you are needed,” being valued, needed, money Generation X – “Do it your way, forget the rules,” freedom and removal of rules, time off Generation Y (Millennials) – “You will work with other bright, creative people,” working with other bright people, time off

16. Person or Behavior “Define the person as a problem and you’re in trouble. Define it as a behavior and you can do something.” Ken Cloke, Joan Goldsmith authors of Resolving Conflicts at Work.

17. React or Interact Perhaps we need to change how we interact with difficult people rather than react to them. If you can predict it, you can plan for it. Easier said than done?

18. What is a difficult person? Attitude or behavior detrimentally affects the organization Usually aware of behavior Not someone you simply dislike Not always their behavior, but your perception of their behavior.

19. Some Difficult People: Are different, not difficult Don’t have a clue Are stuck in the past Stuck in emotional kindergarten Have low self-esteem Are having a bad _____ Holding onto beliefs Want too much

20. Some Difficult People: Are substance abusers Are mentally ill Sick and tired Are malicious (a few) ‘Evil’ (desire to cause harm with no remorse)

21. What motivates a difficult person? Driven by the need to control their environment A need to stir things up and push your buttons Behavior gets what he/she wants without consequences Wants validation and wants to be listened to Doesn’t have boundaries and wants/needs them

22. How does a Difficult Person affect an organization? High turnover rate Decline in productivity Lowered employee morale Others?

23. Differences between resolving conflict and managing a Difficult Person Resolving conflict is a process to create immediate results Managing difficult person is long-term due to time necessary to change behavior If you change behavior, thinking usually follows May not solve all problems – and that’s okay

24. Everyone’s Options Do nothing Change the person Change your behavior Understand the behavior and then decide how to handle [Let’s discuss other options in relation to “types.”]

25. Steps to Manage a DP Assess the situation Identify the difficult personality type Address the person (will discuss tactics) Monitor the person

26. Ah, Dilbert

27. Assess the situation Is the person truly difficult? Is it a behavior? Or is it just the situation that brings out the worst? What are your hot buttons? Do you ever push the buttons of others? If so, why?

28. Assess the Situation • How? Determine: • When behavior began • Exact nature of behavior • Potential reasons • Behavior’s affect on productivity

29. Identify the difficult personality type [Not the behavior, per se, but the personality type] Hostile-aggressive individuals Withdrawn individuals Egotistical individuals Deceitful individuals Super-Agreeable Indecisive

30. Address the person • Calm hostile-aggressive individuals • Involve withdrawn individuals • Focus on needs of egotistical individuals • Ask deceitful, super-agreeable and indecisive individuals probing questions • Might also ask indecisive individuals what his/her spouse or good friend would do • Other suggestions? [Behaviors are coming up and we will discuss overall tactics shortly]

31. Dealing with Difficult Subordinates/Direct Reports Slackers/Procrastinators Chronic Complainers Rebels Uncivil Subordinates Intentional troublemakers Others?

32. Slackers “I’ll get it done” or “it’s on my list” people Strategy: Highlight commitment in such a way that it has to be taken seriously Commitment in writing Select strange deadlines Make time management a formal part of review

33. Chronic Complainers Strategy: Don’t fight the trait-point it in the other direction Highlight when complaint actually proves productive Ask for help in area of your choosing Ask ‘complainer’ to report discrepancies to you confidentially – not to everybody

34. Rebels Strategy: Give them the chance to do it ‘their way’ (within reason) In trade for a little freedom, gain commitment to behave by the rules in other areas (especially communication) Don’t dictate how to do it – observe what happens when you let them do what they want

35. Uncivil Subordinates Strategy: You must set and maintain appropriate limits in verbal communication Praising skills and traits you hope to improve Setting appropriate personalized goals – informal and in writing Maintaining clear limits Re-assign to different physical area

36. Dealing with a Difficult Co-Worker (other types) • Chatty neighbor • The slanderer • The “best friend” • The “thief” • The “secret agent” • The “clinger”

37. Dealing with a Difficult Co-Worker (other types) • Won’t ask for help • Messy desk • Can’t say no • Latecomer/tardy individual

38. Building a Relationship with a ‘Tough’ Boss • Focus on Relationship – NOT personality – list what’s important • Strategies to help a boss who: • Doesn’t know what to do • Is manipulative • Is emotional and acts out

39. Monitor the person Why? Keep track of improvements in behavior Meet with the person periodically Check in regularly with the person and comment favorably on any improvements

40. Dealing with a Difficult Person • Change your reaction to them • Person worth getting upset over? • Destructive behavior? • Truly affecting me or am I letting it get to me? • Can I let person’s behavior go and go on? • Do you have fears in dealing with behaviors? • Are you the only one who struggles? • What are your hot button issues? • What involvement do you have? • Why is this behavior difficult for you?

41. Dealing with a Difficult Person • Understand the other person • Take a deep breath and really listen…and body language too • Do not argue your position • Repeat back to ensure you understand his/her perspective • Ask questions to clarify anything • Cite specific examples and avoid inclusive statements like “you always …..” • Pay attention to your words…. • Make specific note of the change you want and the consequences • Note the behavior, not the person • Request feedback

42. Dealing with a Difficult Person • Influence his/her attitude • State specifically (non-confrontational) how behavior has affected you – Use “I”“You” statements • Do not place blame or fault • Focus on preventing the problem from recurring in the future • Keep your cool

43. Dealing with a Difficult Person • Act instead of react (do you know it’s coming) • Maintain your boundaries • Don’t fall into negativity trap (allow venting for a specific time) • Is it personal and are you taking it that way? • Don’t necessarily agree and don’t stay silent • Solve the problem (even cut them off)

44. Dealing with a Difficult Person • Resolve the problem • Discuss the cause and effect of the problem behavior and ways to deal with it • Ask questions to get information • Remember, you can’t change personalities, only your reaction • Are there others in the office who might reach out?

45. Dealing with a Difficult Person • Recover and go on • Once problem is addressed, don’t hold a grudge • Don’t mention it again; move on • Dwelling on it only causes you stress and frustration