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Chapter 16 & 17. Marriage and Family. Reasons to wait…. Babies – the natural purpose of sex is to be procreative STD’s – Who would want to have to tell the man or woman of their dreams that they have an STD and will likely pass it on to them?
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Chapter 16 & 17 Marriage and Family
Reasons to wait… • Babies – the natural purpose of sex is to be procreative • STD’s – Who would want to have to tell the man or woman of their dreams that they have an STD and will likely pass it on to them? • Physiological – The response to sexual activity is similar to that of a drug induced high. It is not reasonable to expect anyone to make well thought out life altering decisions in a state like this. • Cohabitation effect
Reasons to wait… • The cohabitation effect is a phrase used by marriage and family counsellors to describe the situation those who live together before marriage often find themselves in. • It is generally thought that by living together before marriage, one can ‘test drive the car before they buy it’. • It would make sense that those who do this would eventually end up in the most fulfilling and satisfying relationships after marriage.
Reasons to wait… • One would think that among those who lived together before marriage we would find higher levels of marital satisfaction and lower divorce rates • One would think that among those who did not live together before marriage we would find lower levels of marital satisfaction and higher divorce rates • The irony is that it seems to work the exact opposite
Reasons to wait… • I suspect that the ‘drug induced’ state caused the cohabitators to not choose their partners wisely • The ones who abstained and did not live together were able to make the decision who their life partner would be in a more sober state of mind
Reasons to wait… • Sex can very easily mask the symptoms of a poor relationship. • If your relationship dwindles once the sex is gone, it then becomes obvious what your relationship is built on. • If your partner only loves you because he/she can get sex from you, then you become no different than a local prostitute. • This is not the foundation of a healthy relationship
Reasons to wait… • If you can be in a non-sexual relationship with someone who is a potential spouse, if you develop a solid relationship before you become sexually intimate, your relationship once you are married and are enjoying sexual intimacy will be out of this world.
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • The Church teaches that it is reasonable that a couple at some point during their marriage may want to avoid conception • It could be at the beginning of the marriage – perhaps financial issues • It could be that the couple want to space their children a certain number of years apart • It could be that the couple have had all of the children that they are going to have
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • Since it is licit that a couple may want to avoid conception at certain times throughout their marriage, there must be licit methods of birth regulation. • What is it? • Natural Family Planning
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • To understand the Church’s teaching on birth regulation, we must understand Teleology • To achieve the supreme good one needs to know the purpose of the action • In this case, the natural purpose of sexual intimacy is to be procreative and unitive • Any deviation from this, causes us to not achieve the supreme good
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • Lets take a look at another natural action…Eating • The purpose of eating is to nourish the body • Pleasure might be the motive or it may be the consequence, but it is not the purpose • If we do something to deny the natural purpose, we are acting in an unnatural way • To act naturally we must be open to the fullness of the act
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • Lets say for instance that you want to either lose weight or not gain weight • Here are 3 possible ways to achieve this • Take diet pills that inhibit the body’s ability to nourish the itself and absorb the food; alllowing a person to eat as much as they want • Eat as much as you want and then immediately induce vommitting; not allowing the nourishing as aspect of the act to take place • Eat a healthy, balanced diet that is supplemented with regular exercise Which method achieves the supreme good?
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • Now, lets say you want to have sex but not get pregnant…You could • Use a pill that causes a woman’s body to think that she is pregnant, preventing conception • Use a condom which allows the couple to complete the act, but then requires that the contents necessary for conception are removed • Use N.F.P. which follows a woman’s natural ovulatory cycle, and abstaining from sexual intimacy during the fertile period of time
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • The purpose of sexual intimacy is to be procreative and unitive • To act naturally we must be open to the fullness of the action. • During the non-fertile time, to be open to the fullness of the action means to be open fully to the unitive aspect of the action • During the fertile time, to be open to the fullness of the action means to be open fully to both the unitive and the procreative aspects of the act
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • Using artificial forms of birth control during the fertile time, we are saying we want to have the pleasure of sex, but not to the natural consequences of the action • It is no different than the person saying that they want to enjoy the food and not have to worry about the consequences of eating unhealthy
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • Isn’t one the same as the other? • Both couples would have the same end in mind, not conceiving • The answer is no! Consider the following scenarios • I want a truck; I need money to buy a truck; I rob a bank; I buy a truck • I want a truck; I need money to buy a truck; I work for my money; I buy a truck
What does the Church teach about birth regulation? • So what if it is not natural? • From an atheists perspective, if a person is okay with a behaviour that is so unnatural then so be it. • From a Christian perspective, it is a really big deal.
Scripture and sexual intimacy • Hebrews 13:4 Let marriage be held in honour by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers. • Luke 20:34-36 Jesus said to them, ‘Those who belong to this age marry and are given in marriage; 35but those who are considered worthy of a place in that age and in the resurrection from the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage. 36Indeed they cannot die anymore, because they are like angels and are children of God, being children of the resurrection.
Scripture and sexual intimacy • Genesis 1:27 So God created humankind* in his image, in the image of God he created them;* male and female he created them. • Genesis 1:28 God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it’
Points to ponder • The divorce rate amongst the those who use NFP is under 5% • The birth control pill and other contraceptives that alter the woman’s ovulatory cycle often act as an abortifacient • The pill can increase the risk of breast cancer • Side effects of the pill: high blood pressure, blood clots, stroke, heart attack, depression, weight gain, migraine
Points to ponder Vatican II Gadium et Spes These, based on the nature of the human person and his acts, preserve the full sense of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love. Such a goal cannot be achieved unless the virtue of conjugal chastity is sincerely practiced. Relying on these principles, sons of the Church may not undertake methods of birth control which are forbidden by the teaching authority of the Church in its unfolding of the divine law.(14)
Points to ponder Catechism of the Catholic Church 2370 Periodic continence, that is, the methods of birth regulation based on self-observation and the use of infertile periods, is in conformity with the objective criteria of morality.158 These methods respect the bodies of the spouses, encourage tenderness between them, and favor the education of an authentic freedom. In contrast, "every action which, whether in anticipation of the conjugal act, or in its accomplishment, or in the development of its natural consequences, proposes, whether as an end or as a means, to render procreation impossible" is intrinsically evil:159
Four Challenges • If you are having sex with your partner, stop for at least 11/2 years to 2 years • Go to church and pray together while you are there • Use Natural Family Planning • Give 10% of your money to the church or charity Once you get God, sex and money in the right order, the rest is easy
