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Relationships and Communication

Relationships and Communication. The Myth of ‘The Perfect Relationship’. Soul mates; ‘The One’ Nobody can meet ALL of your needs Every relationship has some problems Healthy expectations from the beginning. Compatibility. A Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986) Intimacy Passion

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Relationships and Communication

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  1. Relationships and Communication

  2. The Myth of ‘The Perfect Relationship’ • Soul mates; ‘The One’ • Nobody can meet ALL of your needs • Every relationship has some problems • Healthy expectations from the beginning

  3. Compatibility • A Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986) Intimacy Passion Commitment

  4. Maintaining Oneself Within a Relationship • You will change due to your relationships • Remaining true to oneself • Whose needs are met through the relationship? • Not always 50/50

  5. Maintaining Oneself Within a Relationship, cont’d. • Keeping a life outside your relationship • Knowing the self in relation to others • Enhancing one another’s growth

  6. Supporting Your Relationship • You can’t go it alone! • Surround your relationships with support • Couple’s Resource Map

  7. Expectations • How realistic are your expectations for your partner? • How realistic are your partner’s expectations for you?

  8. Fighting • Is fighting healthy? • “Growing pains” • What can you learn from a fight?

  9. Fighting, cont’d. • The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Gottman, 1999) • Criticism • Defensiveness • Contempt • Stonewalling

  10. Fighting Fair • Focus on the issue at hand • Remain focused on the present • Not the time to bring up the past • Listening—Knowing when it is your turn • NO physical violence • Seek counseling when necessary

  11. Breaking up is hard to do…. • Give yourself time to move on • Nurture your other relationships • Take time to reflect on the lessons you can learn from the relationship AND the break-up

  12. Relationships and Transitions • Potential for increased negative interactions • Protective defense mechanisms • Increased awareness

  13. Making Relationships A Priority • Relationships are often taken for granted • Make a commitment to care for your relationships before it is too late!!

  14. Communication Skills

  15. Listening • Making the effort • Non-verbal cues • Eye contact • Notice underlying feelings

  16. Direct Communication • Speak clearly and directly • Say what you mean • Verify understanding • Avoid beating around the bush

  17. Self-Disclosure • Sharing personal experience • Necessary for intimacy • Trust is important! • Appropriate levels of disclosure

  18. Non-verbal Communication • As speaker • Gestures • Increase interest • As listener • Awareness • Inconsistencies

  19. Passive, Aggressive, and Assertive Communication • Passive: Not expressing feelings or standing up for yourself • Aggressive: Expressing feelings in an overbearing manner • Assertive: Expressing feelings without violating others’ rights

  20. Advice • Proceed with caution!

  21. Focus on the Behavior • Avoid labeling • Personal attacks lead to defensiveness • Negotiate behaviors

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