Positive Guidance

Positive Guidance Dawnita S. Nilles Extension Agent/Family Resource Coordinator NDSU Extension Service/Region IV, CSCC Serving Families in the Counties of Grand Forks, Nelson, Pembina & Walsh

What do you view as Punishment Discipline What do you view as

Shown positive alternatives rather than just told “no” see that actions affect others appropriate behavior is rewarded fair, simple rules are enforced consistently behavior is controlled through fear feelings are not respected they behave to avoid a penalty or to get a bribe only tell the child what not to do Children are Disciplined when… Children are Punished when… VS

learn to share and cooperate are better able to handle their own anger are more self-disciplined feel successful and in control of themselves feel humiliated hide their mistakes tend to be angry & aggressive fail to develop control of themselves Children who are Disciplined… Children who are Punished… VS

Self-discipline Responsibility Cooperation Problem Solving Skills Resentment Revenge Rebellion Retreat In the Long Term, Discipline Equals… VS In the Long Term, Punishment Equals…

Tools that are Necessary:

Reasons for Misbehavior • Attention • Power/Control • Don’t feel well • Lack knowledge or experience • Feeling upset/insecure • Feeling discouraged/frustrated

clear positive age appropriate reasonable Limits need to be: When using Limits: • follow through • be consistent • involve children

Consequences - 2 kinds • Natural – happens because of something the child did or didn’t do • Logical – arranged by the parent but is logically related to what the child did

Listening • listen quietly and attentively • acknowledge their feelings • give the feeling a name • restate what you heard them say

Encouragement • Give helpful praise • Name specific actions or deeds • describe what you see or feel • sum up their behaviors in a word or two

Positive Guidance