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Understanding Intimacy and Attachment in Relationships

Intimacy refers to the profound sharing of oneself with others, rooted in the concept of emotional closeness. The dynamics of parent-child attachment significantly shape adult relationships, influencing attachment styles such as secure, preoccupied, dismissing-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. Friendships and romantic relationships further reflect these dynamics, with self-disclosure as a vital component of building intimacy. Gender differences in friendships also illustrate how emotional sharing varies between men and women. This exploration highlights the significance of intimacy and attachment in forming meaningful connections.

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Understanding Intimacy and Attachment in Relationships

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  1. INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

  2. INTIMACY • Intimacy refers to sharing that which is inmost with others. • The word itself is derived from the Latin intimus, which means “inner” or “inmost”

  3. PARENT-CHILDATTACHMENT

  4. What is attachment • Attachment refers to the strong emotional bond between an infant and a caregiver

  5. Parent-child attachment patterns influence later childhood peer relations and intimate adult relationship

  6. People with a secure attachment style have more successful intimate relationships later in life than those who are insecurely attached

  7. ATTACHMENT STYLE • Secure Attachment Style • Preoccupied Attachment Style • Dismissing-Avoidant Attachment Style • Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style

  8. Secure Attachment Style • Attachments marked by trust that the other person will continue to provide love and support

  9. Preoccupied Attachment Style • An expectation about social relationships characterized by trust but combined with a feeling of being unworthy of others love and fear of abandonment

  10. Dismissing-avoidant Attachment Style • An expectation about social relationships characterized by low trust and avoidance of intimacy, combined with high self-esteem and compulsive self-reliance

  11. Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style • An expectation about social relationships characterized by low trust and avoidance of intimacy, combined with a feeling of being unworthy of other’s love and a fear of rejection

  12. FRIENDSHIP

  13. Friendship • As we mature, we not only form emotional ties with our family members, we also form friendship outside the home.

  14. Friendship • Relationships based on friendship are primarily voluntary and mutually satisfying

  15. SELF-DISCLOSER SHAPES FRIENDSHIP DEVELOPMENT AND MAINTENANCE • Self-disclosure • The revealing of personal information about oneself to other people

  16. SELF-DISCLOSER SHAPES FRIENDSHIP DEVELOPMENT AND MAINTENANCE • Social Penetration Theory • A theory that describe the development of close relationship in terms of increasing self-disclosure

  17. GENDER DIFFERENCES EXIST IN HETEROSEXSUAL FRIENDSHIP • Intimacy • Women’s friendships tend to be more intimate and involve more emotional sharing than men’s relationship • Men are more dominant and women are more agreeable and nurturing

  18. GENDER DIFFERENCES EXIST IN HETEROSEXSUAL FRIENDSHIP • Self-Disclosure • Women generally self-disclosure more than men, especially in intimate relationship • Physical Touching • Male friends less touching than did either female friends or mixed-sex friends

  19. Cross-Sex Heterosexual Friendships Gravitate to an “Intimacy Mean” • Men tend to be more emotionally open and self-disclosing than they are with their male friends, while women disclose less and are not as intimate as they are with their women friends.

  20. Cross-Sex Heterosexual Friendships Gravitate to an “Intimacy Mean” • Men and women are more likely to form and maintain friendships with the other sex when they have interests. • The biggest problem in cross-sex friendship is sexual tension.

  21. Gender Differences Disappear in Same Sex Homosexual Friendship • Same-sex relationships of gay men are as intimate as those of lesbians

  22. ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPAND LOVE

  23. Romantic Relationships and Love • The experience of romantic love differs from person to person, culture to culture, and over historical time.

  24. LOVE • Social psychologists have recognized that a good definition of love must include the passionate, giddy feelings of romantic love as well as the deep, long term devotion of a long-married couple, lifelong friends or siblings

  25. LOVE • Triangular Theory of Love • The idea that different kinds of love consist of varying degrees of three components: intimacy, passion and commitment

  26. Triangular Theory of Love • Intimacy • Refers to feelings of being close to and bonded with a partner • Passion • Refers to the “hot” parts of a relationship – the arousal you experience toward your partner, including sexual attraction

  27. Triangular Theory of Love • Commitment • Consists of two decisions: the short-term one that you love your partner and the long-term one to maintain that love and stay with your partner

  28. Figure 9.1: The Triangle love

  29. MARRIAGE

  30. Marriage • A general definition of marriage is that it is a social contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically and emotionally.

  31. Marriage • Broderick (1984) stated that marriage has 9 characteristics

  32. Marriage • Marriage is a social event • Marriage is a relationship between two families and social network • Marriage is a legal agreement between individual and state • Marriage is an economy united • Marriage is a common order for adult

  33. Marriage is a context for sex • Marriage is a reproductive unit • Marriage is for socialization • Marriage is to build intimate relationship and sharing

  34. Types of Marriage • Monogamy • having only one husband or wife at a time • Serial Monogamy • practice of having series of partners : the idea or practice of having only one sexual partner at a time and entering another relationship when one comes to an end

  35. Types of Marriage • Polygamy • having several wives or husbands at the same time • Polygyny • A man has two or more wives at the same time • Polyandry • A woman has two or more husband at the same time

  36. ENDING INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

  37. People used different strategies to cope with a troubles relationship • In dealing with relationship dissatisfaction, we employ four distinct strategies: • Loyalty • Neglect • Voice • Exit

  38. People used different strategies to cope with a troubles relationship • Loyalty • Passively but optimistically waiting for conditions to improve (hoping things to improve, pray, being supportive instead of fighting) • Neglect • Passively allow conditions to deteriorate (refusing to deal with problems, ignoring partner/spending less time together, putting no energy into the relationship)

  39. People used different strategies to cope with a troubles relationship • Voice • Actively & constructively attempting to improve condition (discuss problems, try to change, going to therapist) • Exit • Actively harming or terminating the relationship (abusing partner, threaten to break up, actually leaving)

  40. ENDING INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP • Researches have begun to examine what makes people end their relationship and the disengagement strategies they use

  41. The Process of Breaking Up • According to Steve Duck, relationship dissolution occurs in four stages • Intrapersonal phase • Think a lot about she /he is dissatisfied with the relationship • Dyadic Phase • The individual discuss the break up with the partner

  42. The Process of Breaking Up • Social Phase • The breakup is announced to other people • Intrapersonal Phase • The individual recover from the breakup and forms an account of how and why it happened

  43. Figure 9.2: Steps in dissolving close relationship

  44. THE EXPERIENCE OF BREAKING UP • Akert (1998) found that the role people played in the decision to end the relationship was the single most powerful predictor of their experiences. • Breakess were most upset

  45. THE EXPERIENCE OF BREAKING UP • Women experienced somewhat more negative emotions than men • When the breakup is mutual, partners are more likely to remain friends after the relationship

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