Chapter Eight Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection

1. Chapter Eight • Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection

2. Why do We Date? Manifest Functions Fulfilled Maturation Fun and recreation Companionship Love and affection Mate selection

3. Why do We Date? Latent Functions Fulfilled Socialization Social status Fulfillment of ego needs Sexual experimentation and intimacy Big business

4. The Dating Traditions Gender role scripts – who does what Bat mitzvah and bar mitzvah—rites of passage in the Jewish community. Proms “Going steady” and “getting pinned” were popular after WWII. What are the terms now? “Going with” or “going together” “Hang out.” “Getting together” “Hooking up”

5. Personal ads—published in mainstream magazines, on the Web, etc. Mail-order brides — 200+ international services Cyber dating & Online Matchmaking • How Do We Meet People

6. How Do We Meet People? Professional matchmakers—make a living by matching people up. Speed dating

8. Choosing Whom We Date: Choices and Constraints What constrains us when it comes to who we date?

9. Homogamy • Homogamy refers to dating or marrying someone with similar backgrounds to our own. • Why are we attracted to similarity?

10. Filter Theory According to filter theory, we use specific criteria and narrow number of candidates. What filters do you use?

13. Why Do We Date? Sociologists consider dating a marriage market in which the participants look at the assets and liabilities in each partner and decide which is the best for what they have to offer.

14. Who’s Available • Census Data – Who’s available • Who’s Not in Prison? • The Times interviewed parents Carl Harris and Charlene Hamilton, whose daughters grew up without a father. Mr. Harris, a crack dealer who received a 20-year prison sentence at the age of 24, was forced to abandon his family when he was locked up. • http://rt.com/usa/incarceration-african-black-prison-606/

15. Results of Men In Prison • “Basically, I was locked up with him,” she told the Times. “My mind was locked up. My life was locked up. Our daughters grew up without a father.” • “A man will have three mistresses, and they’ll each put up with it because there are no other men around,” Hamilton said. Epidemiologists believe the AIDS rate among African-Americans would be lower if the incarceration rate dropped.

17. Theories of Mate Selection Social exchange theory—posits that people will begin and remain in a relationship if the rewards are higher than the costs. Equity theory—an intimate relationship is satisfying and stable if both partners see it as equitable and mutually beneficial.

18. How We Evaluate a Relationship • Outcome Level – satisfaction based on rewards vs. costs. • Comparison Level – comparison with past relationships and other’s relationships • Comparison Alternative Level – comparison with next best option (dependency) • OL + Clalt > CL = Happy and not dependent • OL > CL > Clalt = Happy but dependent • CL > OL > Clalt = Unhappy without alternatives

19. Relationship Violence • When would you say “I deserved that” after someone to hit you?

20. Relationship Violence • Survey of 200 teens, 46% said she was responsible.

21. Relationship Violence • Types of violence • Physical • Emotional • Sexual

22. Relationship Violence • May come from jealousy • May appear as pattern of control • Controlling behaviors • The narcissist

23. Cycle of Abuse • Honeymoon Phase • Tension Building Phase • Acting Out Phase • Honeymoon Phase