When the Honeymoon’s Over Unite - Part 1

1. When the Honeymoon’s OverUnite - Part 1

2. Leave…Unite • Genesis 2:24 This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. • This is a command…for us to leave (our old life) and unite (to our spouse). • So the question is how do we effectively unite?

3. Definition of Unite Dictionary Definition • Make into or cause to act as a single entity: a united front • Agree; in harmony Other Scripture about Unity • Philippians 2: 1-7: So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.…. • 1 Corinthians 1:10: I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.

4. Unite like Breakaway takes… • Faith • Hebrews 11:6 - “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. “ • Trust • Isaiah 26:3-4 – “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.” • Pruning • John 15:1-4 - "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. • It is a constant dying to self.

5. Unite Through Love and Respect

6. Dictionary Definitions • Love: a strong positive emotion of regard and affection; devotion • Respect: the condition of being honored or well regarded; an attitude of admiration or esteem; regard highly; think much of

7. The Crazy Cycle

8. Video Clip • WHAT MEN DON’T GET ABOUT WOMEN

9. Table Discussion #1 • Discuss reactions to what men don’t get about women • Wives: Give the men practical examples of how can husbands can show love to their wives

10. Video Clip • WHAT WOMEN DON’T GET ABOUT MEN

11. Table Discussion #2 • Discuss reactions to what women don’t get about men • Is the importance of respect a new concept to you? • Husbands: Give the women practical examples of how can wives can show respect to their husbands

12. Love and Respect must be UNCONDITIONAL • Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. • Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. • Command is to show unconditional respect or unconditional love, whether or not he / she deserves it • A man needs to feel respected apart from his performance just as a woman needs to feel loved apart from her performance

13. Key Questions to ask…. • “That felt disrespectful; did I just come across unloving?” • “That felt unloving; did I just come across disrespectful.” • Assume good will and give the benefit of the doubt to the other, while acknowledging your needs and feelings

14. Stop the Crazy Cycle • The key to motivating another person is meeting their deepest need • Showing love is the way a husband energizes his wife and showing respect is the way a wife energizes her husband • When you notice you are on the crazy cycle…The one that sees themselves as the more mature should move first (by showing love or respect)

15. The Flip Side of the Crazy Cycle…The Energizing Cycle

16. Couple Discussion • Read, with your spouse, the practical ways to show Love or Respect • Start to discuss ways you may be able to better communicate Love or Respect to each other • This Week’s Challenge : Pray with your spouse about Unity and ask God to create Unity in your Marriage, ask him to reveal the areas you are falling short and how you can better demonstrate Love or Respect to your spouse

17. Practical ways to show love to your wife • Ways to show closeness – hold hands, give hugs, give a little lovin’ without expecting sex.  • Ways to show openness – share your feelings, speak about your day, avoid the grunting and long sighs when communicating. • Ways to show you understand – Listen and know when to give advice and when to not solve problems, repeat what she says and show her your appreciation. • Ways to encourage that feeling of peace – say “sorry” when you need to, pray with each other. • Ways to show loyalty – Don’t look at other women, talk about your wife positively in front of family and friends, never bring up the “D” word. • Ways to hold her in high esteem – verbally support her in front of others, praise her for the work she does, and value her opinions even if they are different from yours.

18. Practical ways to show respect to your husband • Ways to appreciate his need for conquest – a simple “thanks” for things he does, be his biggest cheerleader in whatever he does, ask him to talk about his dreams. • Ways to appreciate his position of hierarchy – saying things like “I really do look up to you for feeling responsible for me.”  • Ways to appreciate his authority – praise him for his good decisions…a simple “That was a really good idea you had about…”  Honor him in front of others. • Ways to appreciate his insight – Thank him for his advice, let him fix things (as men are solution oriented), tell him up front if all you want is someone to listen and not fix. • Ways to value his need for relationship – Tell him you like him, do things with him, encourage alone time. • Ways to value his need for sexuality – initiate, respond more often, and let him know that his need for sexuality is good…in fact…great!