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Arrangement Conference. “Show me the manner in which a nation or a community cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the law of the land, and their loyalty to high ideals.” William Gladstone. Form vs. Function.
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“Show me the manner in which a nation or a community cares for its dead and I will measure with mathematical exactness the tender mercies of its people, their respect for the law of the land, and their loyalty to high ideals.” William Gladstone
Form vs. Function • If the need to create meaningful ceremonies is so obvious….why has it posed such a challenge to the profession? • Bill Hillbrick • 2 reasons: • 1) form follows function • 2) changing what you cannot control
Deritualization of the Funeral (Wolfelt) • 1) we live in the world’s first death-free generation • 2) we live in a mobile fast-paced culture • 3) we value self-reliance • 4) we are adopting a more academic attitude toward life and death • 5) we don’t understand the role of pain and suffering • 6) we have lost the symbolism of death • 7) we deny our own mortality
Purposes of the Meaningful Funeral (Wolfelt) • 1) confirm that someone we love has died • 2) help us understand that death is final • 3) allow us to say goodbye • 4) serve as a private and public transition between our lives before the death to our lives after the death • 5) encourage us to embrace and express our pain • 6) help us to remember the person who died and encourage us to share those memories with others
Purposes of the Meaningful Funeral (cont’d) • 7) offer a time and place for us to talk about the life and death of the deceased • 8) affirm the worth of our relationship with the person who died • 9) provide a social support system for us and other mourners • 10) help integrate mourners back into the community • 11) allow us to search for meaning in life and death • 12) reinforce the fact of death in all our lives • 13) establish ongoing helping relationships among mourners
Funeral Misconceptions (Wolfelt) • Funerals are too expensive. • Funerals make us too sad. • Funerals are barbaric. • Funerals are inconvenient. • Funerals and cremation are mutually exclusive. • Funerals require the body to be embalmed.
Funeral Misconceptions(cont’d) • Funerals are only for religious people. • Funerals are rote and meaningless. • Funerals should reflect what the dead person wanted. • Funerals are only for grown-ups.
Reconciliation Needs of Mourning • 1) acknowledge the reality of the death • 2) move toward the pain of the loss • 3) remember the person who died • 4) develop a new self-identity • 5) search for meaning • 6) receive ongoing support from others