Relationships

2. Relationships Relationships provide an opportunity to satisfy core social motives To be successful, we must find ways to enter into, and maintain ‘productive’ relationships We need social connections for social rewards, social status, and social comparisons We want to be able to establish those connections that serve us best, help us know better, get resources, feel good

3. Relationships Dimensions of Relationships - differ in terms of goals and expectations continua, not dichotomy short – long term: consider future outcomes, implications, or only immediate intrinsic – extrinsic: for relationship’s sake, or as a means to an end intimate – non-intimate: feel strong connection, concern for other, sharing or not sexual – nonsexual: physical attraction, reproduction driven chosen – imposed: friends vs. family, coworkers, classmates Focus on development and maintenance of long-term, intrinsic, intimate, chosen, sexual and nonsexual

4. Relationships Relationships are based on Attraction, the Evaluation (Attitude) based on a person schema that has been developed Three component perspective affective cognitive behavioral Research has focused on how and why a person would become associated with positive experiences Building the positive evaluation for the attitude

5. Cognitive Sternberg – Triangular Model of Love Cognitive I am able to count on __________ in times of need. I communicate well with ___________. I feel that _________ really understands me. Affective Just seeing ________ excites me. I find ________ to be very personally attractive. I especially like physical contact with ______. Behavioral I cannot imagine ending my relationship with ____. I view my relationship with ___ as a good decision. I feel a sense of responsibility toward ________. Relationships Behavioral Affective One component only Liking – regular early stage friendship - some intimacy, but no passion or commitment Infatuation – puppy love, passion without commitment or intimacy Empty love – commitment only, stagnant, empty shell marriage Two Components Romantic love – passion and intimacy, but before a real commitment Fatuous love – love at first sight – feel instant heat and commitment, before any actual intimacy Companionate love – closeness, commitment, without passion – old friends, passionless marriage Three Components Consummate love – has it all – adult love relationships, and perhaps some parent child

6. Relationships Measurement Issues and Techniques Simple Global Evaluations Specific Attraction Self Report Scales Indirect Assessments Nonreactive Indicators distance – personal space – Byrne, Ervin, Lamberth eye contact – Argyle inclination - Mehrabian

7. Relationships Stages in Development of Personal Relationships First Contacts – Identifying Options and Overcoming the Fear of Strangers Proximity – options may be limited by circumstances tend to develop relationships with those available liked and disliked often close Repeated Exposure in absence of negative, more is better Emotional State affect transfer and simple association

8. Relationships Stages in Development of Personal Relationships Becoming Acquainted – first move Need for Affiliation - state and trait differences Physical Appearance Familiarity fixed variable Appearance stereotypes Initial attributions, inferences, assumptions

9. Relationships Stages in Development of Personal Relationships Becoming Interdependent Perceived Stable Qualities of Value Similarity of Attitudes and Interests Self disclosure – building the cognitive base, showing trust Intimacy – establishing closeness, mutual support Reciprocity

10. Relationships Models to Explain the Impact – why variables affect Evaluation Evolutionary Model Attachment Model Narrative Model/Relationship Schema

11. Relationships Models to Explain the Impact Evolutionary Model – sexual selection for ‘genetic’ survival Intrasexual competition to beat same sex others- opportunity for access Intersexual competition to attract opposite sex- actual access Qualities and preferences co-evolve Parental Investment influences which sex guides process Both sexes want ‘good genes’ men ‘prefer’ sexual variety women ‘prefer’ resource provision

12. Relationships Evolutionary Model – sexual selection for ‘genetic’ survival Evidence for ‘Social Value” of attractiveness Impact on perception of men - Sigall & Landy, 1973 Impact in Same Sex pairs - Kernis & Wheeler, 1981 Impact on perception of women - BarTal & Saxe, 1976 Impact of weight associations - Hebl & Mannix, 2003

13. Relationships Evolutionary Model – sexual selection for ‘genetic’ survival Pheromones: http://www.pherlure.com/ Selecting for immune response Cyclical preferences for men: Cyclical changes in lap dancers’ tips: Cyclical changes in female dress style: Brain activity and ‘love’:

14. Relationships Evolutionary Model – sexual selection for ‘genetic’ survival Possible sources of relationship failures Interference in messages available Women’s Trade-off in preferences Difficulties in ‘explaining’ attraction

15. Relationships Attachment Model (Bowlby, 1969,1973) Two Underlying “Working Models” of relationships – influence the quality of your experiences with others, and their responses to you Initial Models developed by observing infants, so difficult to identify all possibilities AVOIDANCE ANXIETY internal model of other internal model of self Negative (high) - Positive (low) Negative (high) - Positive (low)

16. Relationships Attachment Model ANXIETY internal model of self Negative (high) Positive (low) Negative (high) fearful dismissing (avoidant) (new avoidant) AVOIDANCE internal model of other Positive (low) preoccupied secure (anxious/ ambivalent)

17. Relationships Attachment Model Desirable Stable traits may appear less clear in insecure Responses to behaviors designed to increase interdependence Disclosure Intimacy Reciprocity Messages sent and received could depend on Working Models

18. Relationships Attachment Model Stability of Attachment Models over time Impact on Relationships

19. Relationships Narrative/Schema Model Stories are the scripts (event schemas) that we bring to our interactions can apply to any type of relationship Based on our Relationship experiences (direct or indirect), with elements due to Evolution, Attachment, Experience They are likely subject to revision, but may be somewhat resistant, we prefer to confirm, rather than alter Satisfaction may depend on events fitting the narrative

20. Relationships Narrative/Schema Model Similarity of stories and satisfaction Stories for other relationships Friendship stories Work stories Family stories

21. Relationships Evaluating Relationships - Relationship Maintenance General Guidelines Fairness - external comparisons and standards Greed Equality Equity Needs When would each be appropriate? Apply differently in Exchange vs. Communal Relationships and on different issues Expectations are enforced by ‘group’

22. Relationships Evaluating Relationships - Relationship Maintenance Personal Guidelines - internal standards and comparisons Comparison Level – satisfaction based on past experiences Comparison Level for Alternatives (Clalt) – commitment based on perceived potential experiences

23. Relationships Fairness Evaluating Relationships - Relationship Maintenance Investment Model of Relationships (Rusbult, 1983)

24. Relationships Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship Integrating Information and Forming an Impression – Overcoming the Early Biases Confronting the Reality of the Other Commitment and Consistency Process of Dealing with the Threatening Information Postulates of Story Telling Conclusion Drivenness – conclusions govern story elements Poetic License – interpret to mask negativity Least Effort – ignore early bad news, later may need effortful contruals

25. Relationships Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship Strategies - Techniques for Maintaining Narrative Integrity (more obvious in others than in self) Negativity and Situational Tagging – deny the disposition Reconstrual of Negativity – find virtue in the fault; re-label Re-fencing Faults – change importance Compensation – affirmation of other qualities

26. Relationships Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship Resultant Outcome Idealization of the Other - Murray, Holmes & Griffin (1996) As you encounter the faults, strive to maintain confidence in relationship Other may become more a “construction” of yours, than a reality

27. Relationships Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship Idealization of the Other - Miller, Niehuis & Huston (2006) Longitudinal study (13 years) of early idealization (n = 108) married 2 months – daily (9 days) diary reports of agreeable/disagreeable behaviors Interviews – rated partner on agreeableness (7 qualities) Idealize when Ratings more positive than Behaviors Marital love – idealize early, less likely to decline

28. Relationships Evaluating Relationships – Life in the Committed Relationship Knowing how your partner feels – Kenny & Acitelli (2001)

29. Imposed Chosen Imposed Chosen Chosen Chosen SELF Imposed Chosen Imposed Chosen Imposed Self Self – as the center of the personal psychological universe Surrounded by others Chosen are those ‘attracted’ into relationships Imposed are those who are part of one’s life due to circumstances “Membership” constantly changing some short-term, others long-term ` some situation specific, some more global presence some highly relevant to self, others nearly irrelevant to self

30. Self What are the abilities/skills that would be ideal to be a successful self? Core Social Motives Need to Belong – form meaningful relationships Need for Understanding – shared meaning and prediction Need for Control – see contingencies between behaviors and outcomes Need to Self enhance – see self as worthy Need for Trust – have others you can depend on for help

31. Self What are the abilities/skills that would be ideal to be a successful self? identify motives and stable qualities in others and in contexts obtain valid information about self – from observing self and interpreting other’s responses engage in accurate self analysis – interpret information and integrate engage in self regulation – monitor progress toward goals, avoid failures engage in self presentation – balance self expression with social appearance, avoid embarrassment engage in other deception – attract others in order to gain benefits, ingratiate engage in self deception – avoid or minimize self doubt and negative self feelings; regrets, shame, guilt, failure

32. Self Elements of Self are like Attitude about Self {Self Evaluation} Self Esteem - affective, feelings/emotions associated with self Self Concept – cognitive, beliefs/information about self Behavioral – behavioral intentions, self efficacy, competence

33. Self Self Concept Phenomenal (Working) Self Concept Guides Ideal self Ought self Self Concept self schema self schema self schema self schema (Attachment Working Models) self schema self schema self schema self schema self schema self schema self schema self schema student best friend soccer player sibling partner party animal activist red sox fan

34. Self Finding Out About Self - developing self concept self attribution processes - interpretation of own behaviors in contexts reflected appraisal - interpretations of others’ responses self disclosure - reactions to revelations social comparison processes

35. Self Dilemma of Seeking Self Understanding Self Evaluation vs. Self Presentation Truth - an accurate, objective assessment of qualities/abilities Positive - a favorable, selective assessment that is focused on the positive qualities

36. Self Social Comparison Processes – Festinger Seeking Understanding Physical Reality Social Reality

37. Self Social Comparison Processes - Multiple Goals can be met through comparison self appraisal - accuracy for understanding and planning improvement self verification - confirm, consistency – increase confidence self enhancement - achieve positive sense of self – deal with threats to self

38. Self Implications of Emphasis on Self (Blessing & Curse) Spotlight Effects Always Getting Better

39. Self Self Esteem – feelings and emotions about the self assumed to be derived from the direct experiences of success/failure (competencies) self concept contents and consistency Given the “attitude” model being considered, recent controversies reflect the same issues about global versus specific attitudes and single versus dual attitudes

40. Self Changing views of Self Esteem Crocker & Wolfe (2001) – Contingencies of Self Worth Based on James (1890) assumed that: Self esteem as a stable global evaluation Self esteem as a variable response to events Variations in reported self esteem will be greater when events occur that are relevant to areas of self worth

41. Self Crocker, Luhtanen, Cooper, & Bouvrette (2003) Developed scale for use with college students – 7 common areas of self worth External approval from others – how believe others in general approve of and accept self appearance – physical appearance competition – being able to outperform others academic competence – instance of general category “competencies’ – this for students family support – approval and love from family virtue – moral adequacy, adherence to a moral code God’s love – one is loved, valued in God’s eyes Internal

42. Self Research on Contingencies of Self Worth Crocker, Luhtanen, Cooper & Bouvrette (2001, unpublished) - context effects Crocker & Wolfe (2001) – applicants to graduate school Luhtanen & Crocker (2005) – alcohol use Sargent, Crocker, & Luhtanen (2006) - depression

43. Self Self Evaluation Maintenance – Tesser (1988) Surviving and Thriving “forced” social comparisons Comparisons with others increase with closeness - assumed or perceived psychological similarity Consequences of comparisons depend on relevance - is the quality important to your self identity Outcome of comparisons, when other is superior - reflection - comparison

44. Self Self Evaluation Maintenance – Tesser (1988) Surviving and Thriving in “forced” social comparisons Likely Responses to “Suffer by Comparison” Situations Distance yourself from the Other Change your ‘self-definition’ to allow for reflection Sabotage the other’s potential success

45. Self Self Evaluation Maintenance – Tesser Parent-Child relationships A Friend as your Worst Enemy Negotiating One’s Identity Interacting with your Partner

46. Self Regulation and Control Executive Function of Self – assess self and self goals, make choices, direction behaviors toward those goals, avoid distractions Self Regulation and Control – bringing behavior, thoughts, emotions into line with desired outcomes – requires monitoring and resisting alternatives, keeping focus Self Regulation uses resources, and these can be depleted - appears to function like a ‘muscle’ - weakens when depleted - must recover after use - can be strengthened with ‘exercise’

47. Self Regulation and Control Executive Function of Self – assess self and self goals, make choices, direction behaviors toward those goals, avoid distractions Self Regulation and Control – Stable differences – some people have stronger muscle Transient States – recent use leads to potential short term deficits

48. Self Regulation and Control Executive Function of Self – assess self and self goals, make choices, direction behaviors toward those goals, avoid distractions Self Regulation and Control – Transient States – recent use leads to potential short term deficits Exercise of self regulation produces generalized ‘strength’ Glucose replacement can provide replenishment in the short-term