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Communicating assertively

Communicating assertively. Sue Duraikan. 2 minutes to share…. One key learning point from online module on Communicating assertively One challenge you still face in communicating assertively. Objectives. Have a clearer idea of what it means to communicate assertively

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Communicating assertively

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  1. Communicating assertively Sue Duraikan

  2. 2 minutes to share…. • One key learning point from online module on Communicating assertively • One challenge you still face in communicating assertively

  3. Objectives • Have a clearer idea of what it means to communicate assertively • Be more confident to use assertive techniques in practice

  4. Assertiveness is….. …acting in a way that shows your self-respect and your respect for others …being able to stand up for your rights, wants, needs and opinions without denying those of others.

  5. Assertiveness starts in your head

  6. Responding to aggression That was a disaster. What were you thinking of? Look. We’re getting nowhere. Just let me talk to your boss. I hear what you’re saying, but we’ve got more important things to deal with right now.. You’re wrong about that.

  7. The psychological contract…. …..The perceptions of two parties as to what they expect of each other.

  8. Rights and responsibilities Right: • To receive clear communication • To refuse certain requests Responsibility: • To act on it appropriately • To give a clear reason for doing so

  9. 7 types of assertion

  10. Making a request DO • Be direct and concise • Give reason for request • Respect their right to refuse DON’T • Over- apologise • Flatter and promise rewards • Take refusal personally • Try to wear them down!

  11. Making a request (DESO)

  12. Refusing a request DO • Be polite ‘Thank you for...’ • Ask for more info or time • Keep it short but friendly • Repeat refusal • Speak slowly, steadily, warmly DON’T • Over- apologise • Over-explain • Ask permission to say no • Hurt feelings

  13. Expressing your opinion DO • Relax • Plan • Rehearse • Own your message: use ‘I’ statements • Be open DON’T • Undermine yourself • Apologise • Be dogmatic • Bow to pressure

  14. Making an impact • Verbal 7% • Vocal 36% • Visual 57%

  15. Passive-aggressive is…

  16. Handling passive-aggression DO • Ask questions and listen • Show you want to understand their perspective: ‘I seem to have upset you. Can you tell me what’s going on?’ • Communicate clearly • Focus on what you need • Be prepared for the long haul! DON’T • Be intimidated • Focus on their behaviour • Be impatient • Blame yourself • Take the bait

  17. Handling aggression DO • Use split-second self-talk ‘Stay calm, I can handle this.’ • Make time – sit down • Aim to defuse: ask questions, listen, then communicate clearly • Apologise if in error • Seek help DON’T • Be intimidated • Focus on their behaviour • Be impatient • Deflect questions • Invade their space • Feel you have to let it continue

  18. Handling passive behaviour Verbal • Empathy • Ask questions and listen • Supportive, encouraging message • Firm, clear message, repeated if necessary Vocal and visual • Gentle tone • Relaxed posture • Supportive facial expression

  19. Their rights Your rights Self talk Visualise success Behaviour Outcome achieved Outcome avoided

  20. TED talks https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en Fake it till you make it Fake it till you become it

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