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Interpersonal Communication

Interpersonal Communication. Chapters 9-10. DEFINITION. Interpersonal Communication is a people process dealing with relationships (friendships, love, family, etc.). Levels of Information. Cultural – basic info about race & culture Sociological – age, gender, basic facts

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Interpersonal Communication

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  1. Interpersonal Communication Chapters 9-10

  2. DEFINITION • Interpersonal Communication is a people process dealing with relationships (friendships, love, family, etc.)

  3. Levels of Information • Cultural – basic info about race & culture • Sociological – age, gender, basic facts • Individual – personalized info, hobbies, likes/dislikes

  4. Interpersonal Needs • Inclusion – our need for social interaction and acceptance • Control – our need for occasional control and dominance • Affection – our need to like and be liked by others

  5. What Brings People Together? • Shared interests, hobbies, values, experiences • Excitement or variety needed • Shared social group • A need to develop control and measure social impact • Enhance enjoyment – to experience events with others and provide entertainment

  6. Being an Effective Interpersonal Communicator • Knowledge – know what and how to communicate • Experience – observe and participate in interactions • Motivation – a desire to understand communication • Attitude – contribute positively to communication efforts • Communicate effectively – be flexible, listen, respond, attend to the important ** COMMUNICATION, TRUST, LISTENING SKILLS **

  7. The 5 Steps to Building an Interpersonal Skill: • Step One: Recognize the NEED for a new skill • Step Two: PLAN out the change in behavior • Step Three: TRY out the new skill • Step Four: Get FEEDBACK & MODIFY behavior (if needed) • Step Five: Make the behavior YOUROWN!

  8. Stages of a Friendship Stage One: Role Limited Interaction: You see the person at the same time & place each day (work, school, activity/club, etc.) Stage Two: Friendly Relations: You begin to work together towards a goal(class project, task at work, etc.) Stage Three: Moves Toward Friendship: You discover your similar interests & begin to spend time together outside of work or school Stage Four: Nascent Friendship: You consider them & call them your friend. Trust has developed Stage Five: Stabilized Friendship: You trust them & they trust you. You develop friendly intimacy. Stage Six: Waning Friendship: Working hard to establish a life-long friendship. Real Friends Meet Near Seattle, Washington

  9. What ends a friendship? • Moving • College • Failed Support • Neglect • Deviance of Important Norms • Competing Demands on Time • Lack of Trust or Respect

  10. Stages of a Relationship Coming Together Stages: • Initiating • Experimenting • Intensifying • Integrating • Bonding Coming Apart Stages: • Differentiating • Circumscribing • Stagnating • Avoiding • Terminating

  11. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Together • Stage 1- InitiatingThis is the stage when you first meet someone. This is where you make your decision on whether or not you want initiate a conversation.

  12. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Together • Stage 2-ExperimentingThis stage of the model is when you are trying to find out the unknown. In this stage you are looking to find a common ground, a lot of questions will be ask. Small talk is the main part of this stage.

  13. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Together • Stage 3-IntensifyingIn this stage, the pair start to reach "close friends." The level of self-disclosure is pretty deep, and when talking the couples start to refer to each other as "we" instead of "you and I". Also there is more direct commitment saying "I really like you."

  14. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Together • Stage 4- IntegratingThis stage is the coupling stage. Each of them start using the same verbal and nonverbal cues that were created by them as a couple. When invited places you come as one package, and the social networks around you realize and understand that.

  15. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Together • Stage 5-BondingThis stage is all about going public. A ceremony is conducted to show the commitment to each other as one. You become married and communication is at its all time high, when sometimes communication doesn't have to occur because you already know what the other wants or is going to say. Families and friends are usually blended.

  16. Coming Together - Assumptions • There are various assumptions that you will need to understand to be able to follow this stage model. 1) Movement through the stages is generally systematic and sequential2) Movement may be forward or backward3)Movement is always to a new place4)Movement may be rapid or slow5)Prior tensions serve as background to each stage

  17. Coming Together Stage – Sample Dialogue • Initiating "Hi, how yadoin'?" "Fine, you?" • Experimenting "Oh, so you like to ski...so do I." "You do?! Great. Where do you go?" • Intensifying"I...I think I love you." "I love you too." • Integrating"I feel so much a part of you." "Yeah, we are like one person. What happens to you happens to me." • Bonding "I want to be with you always" "Let's get married."

  18. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Apart • Although in bonding the people intend to keep the relationship going forever, sometimes this does not happen. In fact the divorce rate in a number of countries is higher than ever. • Differentiating: At first, and with the pressures of living, the closely bonded joint relationship starts to pull apart as the people have demands of different jobs, different friends and different interests. • Romantically, after a couple of years, people are no longer floating on a cloud and start to see themselves and the other person as individuals rather than a tight couple. • In business, other customers, suppliers and work pressure start to reduce the chance to meet. Individuals may also be looking to advancing their career.

  19. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Apart - Circumscribing • As the people pull apart, the focus moves towards setting boundaries and delimiting differences. People have their own individual space, their own possessions, their own friends and so on. • This can cause conflict, for example where both claim the same resource as their own. Such argument only serves to push them apart faster. Knowing this, they may avoid argument, but the differences still exist and work on the individual psyches. • In business, there may be issues of quality and whether what is being delivered is that which is really needed. Conflict may cause recourse to contract details.

  20. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Apart - Stagnation • A stagnant relationship has reached the stage where separation is complete in many ways, yet the relationship persists, perhaps through apathy, convenience or other lack of need to completely separate. • In families, couples may stay together for the children even though their relationship has reached rock bottom. If tensions continue, it can be a difficult question as to whether separation is best or worst for the children. • In business, a stagnant relationship can lead to one or both parties receiving significantly less value than they once got from the relationship.

  21. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Apart – Avoidance • At some point the people see each other less and less, often deliberately avoiding contact. If they live together, one may go out whilst the other is in. If they work together, they may move jobs or otherwise ignore each other. • In avoiding one another, one of the first things to go is eye contact (which may have faded long ago anyway). Even when in the same room, they will try not to look at one another. • Avoidance also happens in business, where people see sorting out of a troublesome relationship or supplier as not in their current remit and so focus first on the issues that affect their key performance indicators.

  22. Stages of a Relationship • Coming Apart - Termination • Finally the people pull apart and go their separate ways. If there is joint ownership of houses, children and so on then this can be an acrimonious and difficult stage. • In business, this includes terminating suppliers, sacking employees and otherwise permanently breaking the relationship with the other person. • So what? • Notice these stages in the development and dissolution of your relationships. If you want to accelerate towards bonding or termination then deliberately and carefully move the relationship through the intermediate stages and avoid long delays such as in stagnation.

  23. Coming Apart Stage – Sample Dialogue • Differentiating "I just don't like big social gatherings." "Sometimes I just don't understand you. This is one area where I am not like you at all." • Circumscribing "Did you have a good time on your trip?" "What time will dinner be ready?" • Stagnating "What's there to talk about?" "Right, I know what you're going to say and you know what I'm going to say." • Avoiding "I'm so busy, I don't know if I'll be able to see you." "If I'm not around when you try, you'll understand." • Terminating "I'm leaving you...and don't bother calling me." "Don't worry, I won’t."

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