Children with Divorced Parents

1. Children with Divorced Parents Chelsea Stone

2. A few statistics on divorce • In 2009, the southern United States had higher divorce rates than the national average. • MEN: 10.2 for every 1,000 • WOMEN: 11.1 for every 1,000 • National was 9.2 for men and 9.7 for women • This is most likely because the marriage rate in the South is higher than national average as well.

3. Divorce and Children • Data from US Census in 2009: - 1.5% of children lived in a household in which the parents had divorced in the past year - 41% of those children lived in the South - Children living with a parent who was divorced in the last year were more likely to be living in poverty. - Also, more likely to be living in a rented home, and a home headed by a mother (lower earning potential).

4. Is there such a thing as a “good” divorce? • In short, NO. • “Elizabeth Marquardt, with exclusive access to the first such study, reports on the emotional, moral, and spirituallives of the first generation of young people to grow up in an era of widespread divorce.” • Affects their development, This We Believe says: - YA’s are “often interested in exploring spiritual matters”. - YA’s “embrace major values consistent with those of their parents”. - YA’s rely on parents for advice and guidance. - YA’s “are dependent on the beliefs and values of parents”. • They’re vulnerable and in need of some consistency. For more info check out the book BETWEEN TWO WORLDS: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce

5. Effect of Divorce on Children • “Children…come to feel like divided selves. They lead a wholly separate life in each parent’s world, leading over time to a troubling inner division that goes to the heart of their identity.” • Keeping those worlds separate requires secrets, hiding things from one parent or the other. • Affects moral reasoning, religious views, trust • More often these children are left alone. • Struggle with guilt that their changing moods and bodies have driven their parents to split up. • Difficulties with dating and sexuality • Overall, less successful than children with married parents. • Studies show that immediately before, during and after a divorce, teens are more likely to experience academic and behavioral difficulties at school.

6. Personal Narratives: • Questions I asked: - When did your parents divorce? - Do you think your age during the divorce would have made an impact on how it has affected you? - What are some struggles you have faced because of your parents divorce? Were there positive aspects? - Do you wish things could have happened differently?

7. Responses: • Do you think your age during the divorce would have made an impact on how it has affected you? Overall, none of my interviewees remember the actual divorce because of their young age, but they realize the impact of the divorce later in their lives. • What are some struggles you have faced because of your parents divorce? Were there positive aspects? “I never knew my real Dad, I always felt like I didn’t know who I was.” “During the summer I would have to go to GA to stay with my dad the WHOLE summer, meaning I did not get to spend any time with my friends…I didn’t have any say in it.” “It’s hard splitting up my time and finding time to spend with my dad…A girl needs a father.” • Do you wish things could have happened differently? “My financial struggles could have been made easier if my parent’s hadn’t been divorced.” “Yes, I wish that my parents had been two people who were in love so that they could’ve been married and I could’ve had a healthy family.”

8. In school • A Mantra: The Four A’s – Approach, Attitude, Atmosphere, Action - Approach, keeping parents involved, putting in that extra initiative, appreciate strengths - Attitude, How do you feel about divorce? How has your past colored that? Remember to keep an open mind because every situation is different. - Atmosphere, keep it welcoming and safe (I hear a hint of TWB in that statement.), communicate with BOTH parents - Action, provide encouragement and resources, incorporate activities that teach about different family styles, self-esteem boosters for the students (leadership roles)

9. In school (cont.) • Offer structure and predictability that may not be available at home • School counselors can be a great, trustworthy resource for the student, school based intervention programs • Do not be quick to punish when students seem distracted, they are. • Be supportive, attend their extra-curricular events • As always, be an advocate and mentor for your students, be someone they can talk with. YOU may be the adult that sets an example for them.

10. Help for the parents • Hold multiple open houses so that each parent can attend one without feeling awkward. • Be available to have more than one parent-teacher conference for students of divorce. • Make sure to inform parents of goings-on at the school, if they are currently going through a divorce they may be distracted. • Inform them of positive strides their child is making in the classroom. (You should do this for all students anyways.)

11. Works Cited: • Marquardt, E. (2005). Between Two Worlds: The Inner Lives of Children of Divorce. Retrieved April 25, 2012, from Institute for American Values website: http://betweentwoworlds.org/comments/?cat=16 • Elliot, D. B., & Simmons T. (2011, August). Marital Events of Americans: 2009. Retrieved from United States Census Bureau website: http://www.census.gov/prod/2011pubs/acs-13.pdf • Brock, L. (2002). Teens and Divorce. Retrieved April 25, 2012, from Focus on the Family website: http://www.troubledwith.com/ParentingTeens/A000000948.cfm?topic=parenting%20teens%3A%20teens%20and%20divorce • Ellington, C. A. (2003, May 10). Effects of Divorce on Children and Ways Schools Can Offer Support [Thesis Paper]. Retrieved from Cedarville University website: http://etd.ohiolink.edu/send-pdf.cgi/Ellington%20Cheryl.pdf?cedar1053001254 • Leon, K., & Spengler, L. (2005, November). Helping Children Adjust to Divorce: A Guide for Teachers. Retrieved April 25, 2012, from University of Missouri website: http://extension.missouri.edu/p/GH6611 • Divorce Rates Highest in the South, Lowest in the Northeast, Census Bureau Reports. (2011, August 25). Retrieved April 25, 2012, from US Census Bureau website: http://www.census.gov/newsroom/releases/archives/marital_status_living_arrangements/cb11-144.html • Spencer, K. O. (2012, April 27). Effect of Divorce on Your Life. Interview by C. D. Stone. • Boring, B. D. (2012, April 27). Effect of Divorce on Your Life. Interview by C. D. Stone. • DiBella, A. M. (2012, April 27). Effect of Divorce on Your Life. Interview by C. D. Stone.