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When Harry Met Sally

When Harry Met Sally . Identity Concepts seen thru film. Focus. Two main characters Harry: Self prophesying, low self-esteem, misperception prone, in love with Sally! Sally: Confident, lack of knowledge of actual self, pleaser, romantic, disillusioned, in love with Harry!.

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When Harry Met Sally

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  1. When Harry Met Sally Identity Concepts seen thru film

  2. Focus • Two main characters • Harry: Self prophesying, low self-esteem, misperception prone, in love with Sally! • Sally: Confident, lack of knowledge of actual self, pleaser, romantic, disillusioned, in love with Harry!

  3. We travel through time… • We get a chance to study Harry & Sally during different stages of: • Time • Self evolvement • Relationships

  4. What changes do we see… • Physical • Each character changes hair styles, dress and general presentation of self • These physical changes cause each to perceive each other differently

  5. What changes do we see… • Examples: • Harry makes a distinct comment about Sally’s state of dress just after he finds out she is going on a date. He uses her insecurities to question whether she should wear what she has chosen. • Harry really wanted to keep Sally from going on the date. He tried to use misdirection and even reverse psycology to achieve his desire rather than a direct, concise communication.

  6. Consequences of our choices… • Harry chose to chance misunderstanding by hiding his true feelings in humor, sarcasm and self-pity. • Sally chose to create the understanding that she was most comfortable hearing. She “knew” what he was trying to say, but wasn’t “prepared” to believe it or act on it. • Neither wanted to risk exhibiting their real feelings for fear of being hurt or losing there friendship

  7. How we communicate changes over time? • Harry and Sally present themselves in different stages of life through out the film. At each stage they dress, appear and communicate differently. • College students Ready for anything – Road trip • Self centered Brutally “honest” – self perception • Optimistic The world is my stage – anything possible • Carefree • Young Adults Both are career oriented • Self absorbed Socially guided language, appearance, attitude • Career centered Been there, done that… • Arogant/Cynical • Mature Adults I’m better for it…it was worth the pain • Reflective This is what I really want • Self improvement Realization of truth • Committment

  8. Relationships change with time • Surface • Building block (Sally) • Physical & Social (Harry) • Exploratory • Trust building (Sally) • Extended time period (Harry) • Intimate • Lasting (Sally) • Culminating (Harry)

  9. His/Her Perceptions • Surface Relationship • Harry all about physical & social acceptance • Sally focused on possibility of long term This immediate difference of perception caused the initial rift between these two people. They couldn’t get past what the other expected of the relationship and gave up.

  10. His/Her Perceptions • Exploratory • Both had grown as individuals and had life experience to rely on in building a friendship • Harry was a self prophet • He felt he’d never have a healthy relationship • Sally was in denial over past relationships • She had hope of a healthy relationship • Their friends’ relationships brought them together over and over again • They didn’t choose to recognize this as a sign, but rather their role in their friends’ lives. • Both still had hidden feelings that time had to reveal

  11. His/Her Perceptions • Intimacy • Harry was certain that intimacy would kill their relationship • His perception of what intimacy meant did make problems with the relationship – Sally thought it meant more, Harry was afraid of failure and hurt. • Sally didn’t want to admit that there was any attraction or that intimacy would change anything • She prided herself on being right and couldn’t admit that she wanted an intimate relationship with Harry • Both were proved wrong and the truth lie in between the perceptions

  12. How did this help me learn? • The film is a great depiction of relationships, communication and how affected our “self” can be from everything around us. • Both characters were changed after each “stage” of their relationship • I found it interesting to see the affects on “self” thru different stages of life. • Each new beginning of their relationship opened them up to different affects – they were more open, more trusting, more ready • It was also self reflective of how we perceive each other and how we play in our minds how conversations and relationships should play out. • My husband and I are challenged with this all the time. I can hear what I want him to say, but he doesn’t know what I want him to say. He doesn’t want to say what he means and I don’t want to hear what he wants to say. I am a lot like Sally. I want to be self aware, but I also want the fairy tale ending!

  13. How did this help me learn? • I especially like the format of the film with the different generations sharing their love stories. • This shows clearly that words, socially accepted practices, customs, etc. can change dramatically over time • It also drove home that some things never change…power of love. • We can also be a very poor judge of what is the right decision for us at any given time. We are lucky when we get another chance to evaluate that decision.

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