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Effective Conflict Engagement: Building stronger partnerships through interpersonal communication

Effective Conflict Engagement: Building stronger partnerships through interpersonal communication. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010. Goals. • Increase self-awareness of conflict behaviors. • Gain skills for engaging with conflict more constructively .

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Effective Conflict Engagement: Building stronger partnerships through interpersonal communication

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  1. Effective Conflict Engagement: Building stronger partnerships through interpersonal communication TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  2. Goals • Increase self-awareness of conflict behaviors • Gain skills for engaging with conflict more constructively • Improve the quality of your collaborative relationships TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  3. Agenda: • Thomas Kilmann Instrument: Getting to Know Yourself and Your Team • Positions and Interests: Getting to Good Conversation • 3 Conversations: • What happened • Emotions and Feelings • Identity TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  4. Thomas KilmannInstrument: Getting to Know Yourself and Your Team TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  5. Thomas Kilmann Conflict Model TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  6. Agenda: • Thomas Kilmann Instrument: Getting to Know Yourself and Your Team • Positions and Interests: Getting to Good Conversation • 3 Conversations: • What happened • Emotions and Feelings • Identity TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  7. Positions and Interests: Getting to Good Conversation TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  8. What are the positions? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  9. What were they really after? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  10. Positions vs. Interests • Positions • My Solution or What I want • Those outcomes or solutions that someone states at the outset must be achieved • Interests • What I need or Why I Want It • The range of concerns underlying each person’s desired solutions or outcomes. Often unstated, but must be satisfied in order for an agreement or outcome to be a good one. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  11. My position Your position My interests Your interests The Zopa ZOPA Zone of PossibleAgreement TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010 Adaptationfrom Harvard Negotiation Project

  12. Examples 1. You can’t park here! 2. I want the window closed. 3. No, I can’t work late tonight. 4. I’m not signing this contract. 5. You’ll need to make sure that you have everyone’s consent before you can start any of the planning. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  13. Interests to Issues • How Can We Talk About This? • You can’t park here! • I want the window closed TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  14. Exercise Recall a Conflict You’ve Had in the Past • As a team, determine the following: • What were the positions? • What were the interests? • How could you frame the interests into issues? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  15. Uncovering Interests • Can you help me better understand the importance this has to you? • Can you tell me more about your concern? • Can you tell me more about your goals? • What will this help you to achieve? Asking Questions Putting yourself in their shoes and tryingto guess what their interestsmight be. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  16. Additional Questions How does considering interests and issues change the way you might have approached the problem? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  17. Agenda: • Thomas Kilmann Instrument: Getting to Know Yourself and Your Team • Positions and Interests: Getting to Good Conversation • 3 Conversations: • What happened • Emotions and Feelings • Identity TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  18. 3 Conversations: What Happened? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  19. Basketball Video Point 1 Count the number of times the team in white passes the ball between members Point 2 No Talking Point 3 Keep your observations, estimates to yourself TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  20. Basketball Video, continued Point 1 Do not count the passes, let your gaze wander Point 2 Observe the scene with no particular objective in mind TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  21. Naïve Realism I see reality, and my actions and beliefs are based on a rational interpretation of reality. Other rational people see things as I do • If others don’t share my views, its because they are: • Crazy (non rational) • Stupid • Trying to fool me TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  22. I am right… The Truth Assumption You are wrong! TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  23. The Intention Invention “I know he meant to do that!” TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  24. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  25. The Blame Frame Blaming is a distraction. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  26. The Contribution System Power comes from seeing how you created a situation. All we do is behave All behavior is chosen All we can give another person is information • Focus on understanding the situation: • What did each of us do or not do to get ourselves here? What did I contribute? What can we both do about it going forward? ` • Blame v. Contribution? • Judgment v. Understanding • Past v. Future • Repeat v. Learning TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  27. Contribution Exercise Step 1 Think about a recent conflict and how you contributed. Step 2 Describe the conflict to a partner in one minute. Step 3 Share another minute discussing how you contributed to the conflict. Step 4 Partner raise your hand if they hear blame. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  28. Only Hypotheses … The Truth Assumption The Intention Invention The Blame Frame TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  29. Certainty to Curiosity • Different Information • Different Interpretations • Be curious TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  30. Group Reflection • Think about an interaction you had with a partner and how all or one of these assumptions (truth, intention invention, blame frame) impacted what you said or did • Work as a group to come up with what you would do differently the next time if the same situation were to arise TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  31. Agenda: • Thomas Kilmann Instrument: Getting to Know Yourself and Your Team • Positions and Interests: Getting to Good Conversation • 3 Conversations: • What happened • Emotions and Feelings • Identity TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  32. Emotions and Feelings in Conflict TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  33. What happens with emotions? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  34. Adaptado de Francisco Ingouville

  35. So what can we do? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  36. Activelistening TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  37. Why? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  38. How? TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  39. Feelings: What’s in a name? • Love • Anger • Hurt • Fear • Joy • Sadness TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  40. There is more to it than that. • Love: Affectionate, caring, close, proud, passionate. • Anger: Frustrated, exasperated, enraged, indignant. • Hurt: Let down, betrayed, disappointed, needy. • Fear: Anxious, terrified, worried, obsessed, suspicious. • Joy: Happy, enthusiastic, full, elated, content. • Sadness: Bereft, wistful, joyless, depressed. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  41. Active Listening Exercise Player 1 Talk about getting everything ready for your trip to come here. Player 2 Try out you reflective listening tools TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  42. Easy right? Now, listen to what you don’t want to hear. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  43. Exercise: Listen Step 1 Player 1: Think of a dream. Tell player 2 about your dream. Step 2 Player 2: Tell Player 1 why his/her dream will never work. Step 3 Player 1: Use active listening to get more information. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  44. TRAIN THE TRAINER 2010

  45. How might this influence the course of a conflict conversation? VS

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