The Social Self: Fostering Self-Discipline and Conflict Resolution Skills

1. The Social Self: Fostering Self-Discipline and Conflict Resolution Skills Chapter 11

2. View problems as learning opportunities – just like they are learning to read and write and create a harmonious classroom where children are cooperative and behave in a respectful, caring way toward others.

3. Helping children establish inner controls: control impulses, moral judgment (right and wrong), social awareness

4. Suggestions for Creating a Peaceable and Caring Classroom • Establish a caring classroom: the teacher should make clear that the classroom is a safe place for all children; with children; class meetings; generate classroom rules by the children. • Teach conflict resolution “guidance talk” skills: negotiate and resolve their problems. The teachers’ role is to help the children articulate their feelings, listen to others and collaborate in finding possible solutions

5. Time-out is not conflict resolution, instead give the child “time in” to: • Recognize and discuss feelings and rules after the child calms down • Have children take the responsibility of deciding when they can control themselves and return (sand box) • It is important to help children be successful when they do go back so that they have the experience of use acceptable behavior • Follow through with suspending privileges if children repeat unacceptable behavior - have child sit next to you and think of other activity to do, but do not allow to go back in the sand box

6. Use guidance talk: classroom rules • Involve the families in creating a peaceable classroom • Increase children’s feelings of mastery by giving them many opportunities for making decisions: Ex. “It’s time to clean up. Do you want to clean up in the block area or dramatic play area?”

7. Increase the child’s feelings of being a competent, worthwhile person: acknowledge children’s positive behaviors • Foster a more social, less egocentric orientation: • Explain reasons to children: “I can’t let you hit Max with the blocks; it hurts him too much” • Stop conflict situations before they start

8. Position yourself to oversee the play area • Warn ahead of time to make transition easier • Arrange the environment to promote positive interactions • When supervising children, plan ahead • Intervene before the trouble brews

9. Physical restraint may be necessary • Keep your own emotion under control • Practice compensation: let the child remedy the injury (apply an ice pack, band aid) • Don’t hold a grudge

10. Reducing Aggression in the Classroom Two kinds of aggression: • Instrumental aggression: no hostile intent (ex. A toddler pushes another toddler to reach a book) • Hostile aggression: actions that are intended to cause pain (hitting, kicking, destroying property, etc.) Teachers and parents deal with this acting-out behavior in both useful and not-so-useful ways.

11. Undesirable Ways to Cope With Aggression • The Authoritarian Teacher – controlling teachers, who use punitive approaches to control behavior. The result if such intensive control is generally an increase in aggression, and the children begin dislike school • The Overpermissive Teacher –struggling to set clear expectations. Teachers embracing this style often don’t know how to regain control of their classrooms when preschoolers begin acting out, leading to a chaotic, ineffective teaching environment. Preschoolers taught under this model are more likely to exhibit patterns of low-impulse control and low achievement. • The Inconsistent Teacher – not enforcing rules consistently and unsure how to control aggression

12. Desirable Ways to Cope With Aggression • Assess the underlying causes of aggression, and improve them when possible - Work together with families • Never allow bullying – use conflict resolution , direct intervention, ongoing guidance talk and classroom meetings to discuss the issue effectively • Teach children alternative ways of getting what they want – ex. “here is another truck. Why don’t you use it. It has a bell you can ring” • Provide substitute opportunities for socially acceptable expressions of aggression – ex. Yoga, physical activities, call for help

13. Offer opportunities before it is too late – during the holidays, supply plenty of materials and time to work on • Offer different types of outlets – plenty of sensory activities (playdough, clay, painting, woodworking) • Stopping some activities before they start saves aggression later – keep and eye out for vigorous activities (superheroes). The quickest way to bring it under control is bring out another interesting activity to get children's attention • Finally, plan, plan, plan!