1. Welcome Communication with Others Presented by Bernard Denner Centre for Advancement of Men’s Health (CAMH) Mildura www.mannet.com.au

2. Understanding & Engaging Males…to ‘Reduce Early Male Mortality’ Presented by Bernard Denner Men’s Health Educator & Advocate Men’s Awareness Network (MAN) & Centre for Advancement of Men’s Health (CAMH) Mildura Victoria Australia www.mannet.com.au man@mannet.com.au & Mallee Track Health & Community Service Ouyen Victoria Aust. Welcome

3. What WEare looking at today • A bit about me • Communication • Parents / Teachers • Girls / Boys / Dating • Sex • Pitfalls

4. Who am I? Bernard Denner Health Educator /Projects Manager Bloke 55 yearsDivorced 12 yearsDaughters - 18 and 20 years Vietnam Veteran 3RAR…Infantry/Scout

7. mannet.com.au website of CAMH/Men’s Health Averages monthly: Up to 68,000 hits & 11,250+ sessions Rated in top 15% of 1.7m www domains in 2001 “Who said men weren’t interested in their health”

8. My work since 1994 focuses on providing Programs that address issues associated with: Men Adolescents Workplace Health Women Understanding Men and Farmsafety in Primary Schools

9. Health THE FACTS

10. Australian Mortality Rates National - 1999 15-24 years Cause of Death Males Females %Rate Suicide 398 71 435%  Cancer 95 47 202%  Leukemia 35 11 318%  Transport Accident 407 116 350%  Drugs 68 27 251%  Source: Causes of Death, ABS, 1999

11. Australian Mortality Rates Loddon Mallee Health Region - 1994 Cause of Death Males Females %Rate Suicide 25 7 357%  Cancer 309 230 134%  Heart Disease 122 49 248%  Source: DHS, Measures of Health Status and Health Services in Victoria, 1994

12. Communication

13. Communication in all aspects of Life is Important Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex Good communication is the Solution to lots of problems

14. Know yourself • Get to know and like yourself • Become aware of your feelings and values; don’t be pushed into betraying them • If you’re not sure what you think and feel, WAIT; don’t rush yourself

15. Think about the decisions you make, their consequences and their effect on yourself and on others • Talk to the people you care about, let them know what you think and feel

16. Accept that you will make mistakes, and learn from them • BE YOURSELF Source: Be yourself, Love Sex and You, A Guide for Teenagers, Vicki Wootten

17. Swearing • The constant use of the “F” or “C” words: • Doesn’t make you an Adult • Doesn’t make you tough • Doesn’t attract nice girls/boys

18. It makes you: • Ugly • Aggressive • Impolite • Unattractive

19. Constant Swearing is UNATTRACTIVE Swearing at teachers is UNACCEPTABLE

20. Other unacceptable language is: Put downs of other people, especially females: e.g idiot, bitch, slut, spastic, dickhead, moron, son of a bitch, poofter, dyke,’You’re Gay’ What other words do you dislike? Source: Bernard Denner

21. Other unacceptable BOY THINGS Labelling Girls don’t like it! Source: Bernard Denner

22. Who are Parents? What is a Parent? What is Parenting Love? Parenting is important!

23. How to talk to parents

24. Pick the right time • Prepare yourself • Work within the Boundaries • Prepare some alternative • options • Remind Parents - You’re older

25. Don’t lose your cool • Negotiate calmly • Give and take • Don’t put one parent against the other - remember you will never win doing this. Source: Bernard J. Denner

26. Use Good examples to get your • Point Across • Like someone your Parents • Respect and Like

27. How important areTeachers? What’s their job? Maybe your future partly depends on them!

28. How to talk to teachers

29. Pick the right time • Ask for an appointment / suitable time in advance • Don’t try to solve a problem or argue in front of the whole class

30. Prepare yourself • What do you want to say • What do you hope to achieve • Alternative outcomes that are acceptable to you and the Teacher

31. Work within the boundaries • Don’t lose your cool • Negotiate calmly • Understand that teachers are human and can make mistakes

32. Don’t promise what you can’t deliver - be realistic about your goals and work towards them • Give and take Source: Bernard J. Denner and Gail Allan

33. Discipline Boundaries Rules By Parents, Teachers and other adults … You Should ask yourself ... WHY?

34. IT MEANS …... That they ... CARE Want to ... GUIDE EDUCATE and SUPPORT YOU

35. Thoughts for Adolescents - …………...School • School is also chance to develop: • Lifeskills • Form opinions • Learn about themselves • Be educated for Life • Socialise

36. School is a chance to work on: • Coping with difficult people • Coping with difficult situations • and to LISTEN AND LEARN

37. How to talk to girls

38. Approach • Not to be threatening or Aggressive • Smile • Don’t Act too cool • Speak in a lower tone of voice

39. Don’t • Act too cool • “Bullshit” • Be a Hero • Talk only about yourself • Talk about how tough you are • or what a legend you are Advice from 3 teenage girls

40. Talk about • Music • Sport • TV Programs • Their interests • Your interests • Ask questions

41. Don’t act stupid • THINK before you SPEAK • Have something sensible to Say • You don’t have to swear • Talk about their things • Ask about things

42. Most of all Introduce yourself properly to a new friend and Smile Source: Bernard Denner

43. Dating - How to Ask

44. “Unthreatening” approach Speak clearly Invitation to be made with warmth Such as …….

45. “Would you like to …. go with me to the ice hockey?” go with me to the basketball?” go with me to the mall / shops?” go for a walk?” go to the pictures?

46. NOT “Would you like to meet me somewhere” or “I’m not doing anything Sat” or “just broke up with”

47. Phone Etiquette When phoning, speak politely to the parents, if they answer. You need their support - having good manners impresses. Remember to identify yourself clearly. Source: Bernard J. Denner

48. Communication in all aspects of Life is Important Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex Good communication is the Solution to lots of problems

49. What is Sex? Male or Female Communication between couples Pleasure between couples Demonstration of Feelings/Affection Provides Intimacy Making Babies or Just for FUN

50. So Why do Adolescents have Sex?