Transitioning from the FORMULA Essay

1. Transitioning from the FORMULA Essay www.EnglishTeachersFriend.com

2. ESSAY EXCERPTS - thesis, intro, conclusion Note the first and last paragraphs. You will see there is not a formula presented to the reader and most often the thesis or main idea is presented at the very end. On Compassion by Barbara Lazear Ascher First Paragraph The man’s grin is less the result of circumstance than dreams of madness. His buttonless shirt, with one sleeve missing, hangs outside the waist of his baggy trousers. Carefully plaited dreadlocks bespeak a better time, long ago. As he crosses Manhattan’s Seventy-ninth Street, his gait is the shuffle of the forgotten ones held in place by graivty rather than plans. On the corner of Madison Avenue, he stops before a blond baby in an Aprica stroller. The baby’s mother waits for the light to change and her hands close tighter on the stroller’s handle as she sees the man approach. Last Paragraph For the ancient Greeks, drama taught and reinforced compassion within a society. The object of the Greek tragedy was to inspire empathy in the audience so that the common response to thehero’s fall as: “There, but for the grace of God, go I.” Could it be that this was the response of the mother who offered the dollar, the French woman who gave the food? Could it be that the homeless, like those ancients, are reminding us of our common humanity? Of course there is a difference. This play doesn’t end—and the players can’t go home.

3. ESSAY EXCERPTS - transitions These are not “first,” “second,” “third” transitions. Transitions are often complete sentences that shift focus. By reading just these first lines you can see the progression of ideas but without the plug-in transitions. On Compassion by Barbara Lazear Ascher • First line of each paragraph • The others on the corner, five men and women waiting for the crosstown bus, look away. • But for now, in this last gasp of autmumn warmth, he is still. • His hands continue to dangle at his sides. • The mother grows impatient. • Was it fear or compassion that motivated the gift? • Up the avenue, at Ninety-first Street, there is a small French bread shop where you can • sit and eat a buttery over-priced croissant and wash it down with rich cappuccino. • The owner of the shop, a moody French woman, emerges from the kitchen with • steaming coffee in s Styrofoam cup, and a small paper bag of…of what? • Twice I have witnessed this, and twice I have wondered, what compels this woman to • feed this man? • As winter approaches, the mayor of New York City is moving the homeless off the streets • and into Bellevue Hospital. • I think the mayor’s notion is human, but I fear it is something else as well. • Like other cities, there is much about Manhattan now that resembles Dickensian London. • And yet, it may be that these are the conditions that finally give birth to empathy, the • mother of compassion.

4. Sample Formula Essay as a Model From http://lklivingston.tripod.com/essay/sample.html The essay below demonstrates the formulaic essay. The thesis statement is in bold. The paper is going to be about cats. Why are we talking about dogs in this first paragraph but then never return to them? It looks like one of those planted “grabber” statements that really says…nothing. "A dog is man's best friend." That common saying may contain some truth, but dogs are not the only animal friend whose companionship people enjoy. For many people, a cat is their best friend. Despite what dog lovers may believe, cats make excellent housepets as they are good companions, they are civilized members of the household, and they are easy to care for.

5. Sample Formula Essay as a Model From http://lklivingston.tripod.com/essay/sample.html CONT. The topic sentences are in italics, and each main point is underlined. In the first place, people enjoy the companionship of cats. Many cats are affectionate. They will snuggle up and ask to be petted, or scratched under the chin. Who can resist a purring cat? If they're not feeling affectionate,cats are generally quite playful. They love to chase balls and feathers, or just about anything dangling from a string. They especially enjoy playing when their owners are participating in the game. Contrary to popularopinion, cats can be trained. Using rewards and punishments, just like with a dog, a cat can be trained to avoid unwanted behavior or perform tricks. Cats will even fetch! Here the pattern is being established. But we just heard this same wording in the last sentence. This formula is rarely present in real world writing. Typically, the thesis is implied and often stated at the end rather than in the first paragraph. Support here in the form of generalities, things everyone knows about cats. The exclamation point at the end is equivalent to begging.

6. Sample Formula Essay as a Model From http://lklivingston.tripod.com/essay/sample.html CONT. The topic sentences are in italics, and each main point is underlined. In the second place, cats are civilized members of the household. Unlike dogs, cats do not bark or make other loud noises. Most cats don't even meow very often. They generally lead a quiet existence. Cats also don't often have "accidents." Mother cats train their kittens to use the litter box, and most cats will use it without fail from that time on. Even stray cats usually understand the concept when shown the box and will use it regularly. Cats do have claws, and owners must make provision for this. A tall scratching post in a favorite cat area of the house will often keep the cat content to leave the furniture alone. As a last resort, of course, cats can be declawed. More generalities. The paper, although organized and supported, lacks voice. It lacks a real personal connection. The transitions for each paragraph are forced and stilted. These are not the types of transitions found in real writing.

7. Sample Formula Essay as a Model From http://lklivingston.tripod.com/essay/sample.html CONT. The topic sentences are in italics, and each main point is underlined. Lastly, one of the most attractive features of cats as housepets is their ease of care. Cats do not have to be walked. They get plenty of exercise in the house as they play, and they do their business in the litter box. Cleaning a litter box is a quick, painless procedure. Cats also take care of their own grooming. Bathing a cat is almost never necessary because under ordinary circumstances cats clean themselves. Cats are more particular about personal cleanliness than people are. In addition, cats can be left home alone for a few hours without fear. Unlike some pets, most cats will not destroy the furnishings when left alone. They are content to go about their usual activities until their owners return. More generalities and some of the support begs rebuttals such as: “Most cats don’t meow very often” and “Cats are more patricular about personal cleanliness than people are.”

8. Sample Formula Essay as a Model From http://lklivingston.tripod.com/essay/sample.html The thesis statement is in bold, the topic sentences are in italics, and each main point is underlined. Cats are low maintenance, civilized companions. People who have small living quarters or less time for pet care should appreciate these characteristics of cats. However, many people who have plenty of space and time still opt to have a cat because they love the cat personality. In many ways, cats are the ideal housepet. Blah blah blah Does this paper leave you wanting to read more? The conclusion is a simple restatement of the first paragraph. Did you learn anything you did not already know about cats?

9. So Now What? Consider: Most expository and persuasive essays can, and should, be personal. Tell a story that explains or persuades. No thesis statement in the first paragraph. Let your story IMPLY the thesis, or sum it up at the end. Don’t pull transitions from a list. Focus on your ideas and organization. If those are good, the natural transitions follow. Do not focus on 3 areas of support. Your paper can be on ONE support as long as that support is elaborated. Do not focus on 5 paragraphs. Good sentence fluency would include short sentences, single sentence paragraphs, dialogue.

10. Sample “CATS” paper based on same topic. Assuming the prompt was: Think about which animal you think is the best pet. Now, write to explain why that animal is the best pet. Give your paper an interesting title. WAIT until you complete the paper to title it. This intro brings in a personal account. It does not restate the prompt or create a thesis statement. It does not list three things I am going to talk about… No Thanks, We’re Dog People. When my daughter was just three years old, she practiced Tai kwon do in a dojo next to a pet store. Three times a week after practice we stopped in to see the kittens. While my husband and I tried to lure her to the puppies—we were both dog people—she always stationed herself by the kittens. She would ask every time, “Can we?” to which my husband and I would simultaneously reply, “No way.” After six months of this routine we convinced ourselves that this was the type of responsibility she could use. Plus, she had worked the guilt card pretty good. We were so excited as we surprised her one day by saying she could pick out a kitten to take home.

11. Sample “CATS” paper based on same topic. Assuming the prompt was: Think about which animal you think is the best pet. Now, write to explain why that animal is the best pet. “Just one?” It wasn’t the reaction we were expecting. But she proceeded to tell us, rather maturely for a three year old, that she would rather not take one if it meant splitting up these two brothers whom she’d grown so fond of. Suckers again, we soon walked out with two black and white Maine Coon kittens. My daughter named them Ed and Eddy and their playfulness was constant entertainment in our home for months to come. In true kitten fashion, they sprang from behind corners, climbed curtains, and chased anything we rolled in front of Glance at the first words in each paragraph. Do they read like the standard transitions? But, looking at them ,can you see the natural transitioning of ideas? This is the support . It is embedded in the story. The rest of this paragraph elaborates.

12. Sample “CATS” paper based on same topic. Assuming the prompt was: Think about which animal you think is the best pet. Now, write to explain why that animal is the best pet. them. Christmas that first year was a riot, as they practically knocked the tree down on a daily basis, chasing each other through the branches, swatting at ornaments, and attacking garland. Most nights, we left the television off and played with the kittens instead. As our family grew to include another daughter, these kittens-turned-cats, were not jealous or despondent. Instead, they remained the constant in our older daughter’s life. When our focus had to be on the new baby, Ed and Eddy were there cuddled up to their girl, her arms wrapped around their big warm bodies like teddy bears. Their loyalty never waned. Note the specific details to this person’s story. Few other essays would have THIS story as support for their topic. That’s why personal essay style is so important. Here again is the support. It is embedded in the story. The rest of this paragraph elaborates.

13. Sample “CATS” paper based on same topic. Assuming the prompt was: Think about which animal you think is the best pet. Now, write to explain why that animal is the best pet. A small tragedy hit our family when we lost Eddy to a neighbor’s pit bull. Although I never thought much about the impact the cats had on our family, it became obvious in those next months as we all mourned the loss. Of course, my oldest daughter was the most upset and cried for weeks, but even my husband and I, self-proclaimed “dogs-are-better-than-cats people” felt a strong loss. Our home wasn’t the same. Ed seemed lonely and sad. The familiar eyes that greeted us routinely every morning were no longer there. The support and the elaboration.

14. Sample “CATS” paper based on same topic. Assuming the prompt was: Think about which animal you think is the best pet. Now, write to explain why that animal is the best pet. We moved on, of course. That same daughter who brought those kittens home twelve years ago will be heading to college in just a few more years and Ed will have reached old age. Already he shows signs. He is needier than ever, wanting to go outside every morning at 4 am and let back in by 6:15. He eats less and sleeps more. And even though my daughter still changes his litter box and cuddles him when he comes near, their relationship is one of shifting priorities. This paragraph actually begins the conclusion. Two more paragraphs will follow. Conculsions do not have to happen in one paragraph.

15. YOUR TURN Take one of your expository or persuasive essays and make it personal, too. The test-scorers will thank you.