Paragraph Revision

1. Paragraph Revision Let’s get this figured out!

2. What I saw that I liked • Topic and concluding sentences are included. • Most are using transitions. • Most are including page numbers of some sort. • Most are attempting explanation sentences.

3. What needs to be improved-- The easy stuff: • Topic sentence: • Make sure it is a complete sentence. • Make sure it uses the words from the prompt including the title of the novel or story. • Transitions: • Should appear before EACH example (detail) sentence. • Page numbers: • Should be at the end of the detail sentence. • Should be written in parenthesis withOUT a pg or the word page (23). • Personal pronouns – DON’T USE THEM! (I or YOU) • Capital letters – USE THEM!! (All names and titles)

4. What needs to be improved-- The hard stuff: • Example / Detail Sentence: • This needs to be specific: What did the character DO or SAY that shows this? • YES: One example of Darry being a good friend is when he carried Ponyboyin from the car (103). • NO: One reason Darry is a good friend is that he is caring (103).

5. What needs to be improved: the hard stuff. • Explanation sentences: • Must show HOW the example proves the topic sentence. • YES: This shows he is a good friend because he is willing to work hard to make other people’s problems disappear. • NO: This shows he is a good friend because Ponyboy was very tired, so Darry carried him in so that he wouldn’t have to walk. • NO: This shows he is a good friend because he is strong enough to carry somebody.

6. Exemplar Paragraph Rikki, a mongoose from the story “Rikki-Tikki-Tavi” would make a good friend for many reasons. One example of Rikki being a good friend is when he sleeps with Teddy even though he is bored (31). This shows he is a good friend because he puts other people’s wants ahead of what he thinks is fun. A second example is seen when Rikki refuses to eat too much since he wants to be ready to fight (32). This shows he is a good friend because he uses his wisdom for other people. The third example of Rikki being a good friend. is that he doesn’t give up when Nag is beating him to death in the bathroom (40). This shows he is a good friend because he thinks of other’s safety even when it causes him his own pain. These examples all prove that Rikki would be a great friend.

7. Let’s grade one together • Open up to the Language Arts 7 page of my website. • Open the link that says “link to rubric” in notability. • Read the paragraph on your desk and GRADE it using the rubric.

8. Paragraph to grade Rikki, would make a good friend for many reasons. One example of Rikki being a good friend is when he sleeps with teddy even though he is bored (31). This shows he is a good friend because he puts other people’s wants ahead of what he thinks is fun. A second example is seen rikki is wise and thinks ahead(32). I think this shows he is a good friend because he uses his wisdom for other people. The third example of Rikki being a good friend is that he doesn’t give up when nag is beating him to death in the bathroom (40). This shows he is brave and you want brave friends.

9. Your turn • Open your paragraph up ON GOOGLE DRIVE. • Read the comments given to you regarding this paragraph. • Read the rubric I handed back. Note where you did well and what you need to improve. • Highlight your paragraph and press COPY. • PASTE you paragraph IMMEDIATELY BELOW THE COMMENTS THAT I WROTE.

10. REVISE • REVISE your paragraph – your goal is to “fix” your paragraph so that I would be able to give ALL of the criteria a “Got it.” • HIGHLIGHT your changes in a different color so that I can easily see what you have done. • FINISHED? • KEYNOTE PRESENTATION • CHART – CREATE A CHART OF ALL CHARACTERS – TELL ME WHAT THEY ARE DOING 20 YEARS IN THE FUTURE. • INDEPENDENT READING BOOK • HAPPY NEWS.COM