Bullying

1. Bullying Facilitated by Lori Zierl Pierce County UW-Extension Family Living Agent

2. Objectives • Participants will: • Understand the harmful effects bullying has on the development of large numbers of children • Be able to distinguish between normal conflict & bullying, teasing & taunting, play fighting & real aggression, flirting & sexual harassment • Learn how to respond to bullies, victims and bystanders in helpful ways

3. Definitions • A person is being bullied or victimized when he or she is exposed, repeatedly, and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more persons. (Olweus, 1991) • Bullying is a conscious, willful, and deliberate hostile activity intended to harm, induce fear through the threat of further aggression, and create terror. (Coloroso, 2003)

4. Four Markers of Bullying • An imbalance of power • Intent to harm • Repeated over time • Terror

5. Contempt • Bullying is not about anger, it is about contempt • Allows kids to harm others without feeling empathy, compassion, or shame.

6. Contempt (continued) • A sense of entitlement • An intolerance toward differences • A liberty to exclude

7. Types of Bullying • Verbal • Physical • Relational

8. Verbal Bullying • Quick and painless for the bully • Extremely harmful to the target • Becomes normalized and the target dehumanized

9. Physical Violence • Accounts for less than 1/3 of bullying • Most likely to move on to more serious criminal offenses • Most troubled of all bullies

10. Relational Bullying • Most difficult to detect • Most powerful in the middle years • Used to alienate and reject a peer or to purposefully ruin friendships

11. Family Risk Factors for Bullying • Lack of warmth and parental involvement • Overly-permissive parenting (lack of limits) • Lack of supervision by parents • Harsh and inconsistent disciplinary practices • A model for bullying behavior

12. Normal Conflict is Not Bullying • Characteristics of normal peer conflict vary with age and development levels • Normal conflict includes: • Teasing • Arguing • Concerns related to rules and fairness

13. Teasing Is Not Taunting • Teasing is a fun thing you do with friends • Taunting is a choice to bully someone for whom you have contempt

14. Teasing • Teaser and person teased easily swap roles • Innocent in motive • Not intended to hurt the other person • Is discontinued when person teased becomes upset or objects to the teasing

15. Taunting • Imbalance of power • Intended to harm • Sinister in motive • Involves humiliating, cruel, demeaning comments disguised as jokes • Continues especially when targeted kid becomes distressed or objects

16. Bullying Versus Play Fighting • Facial expressions • Free to participate versus forced or challenged • Full force • Alternating versus unilateral roles • Stay together vs. separate

17. Flirting vs. Sexual Harassment • Flirting • Reciprocal; goes both ways • Flattering or complimentary; not demeaning • Boosts self-esteem; makes you feel good/special • Sexual Harassment • Unwanted and one-sided • Degrading and disrespectful • Receiver feels powerless • Receiver feels humiliated or embarrassed

18. What About? • Cliques • Hazing • Racist bullying • Gangs • Cyber bullying

19. Effects of Bullying on Perpetrators Themselves • More court convictions & jail time • Commit more serious crimes • More driving offenses & drunk driving • More alcoholism & mental health problems

20. Dealing With Bullies • Nurture empathy • Teach friendship skills • Use non-violent discipline • Intervene immediately with discipline • Create opportunities to “do good” • Teach socially acceptable behaviors

21. The Bullied • The one thing that all kids who are bullied have in common is that they were targeted by a bully

22. Warning Signs of Being Bullied • Lack of interest in or refusal to go to school • Drop in grades • Withdraws from family and school activities • Plays alone or prefers to hang out with adults • Makes beeline to bathroom when arriving home • Stops talking about peers and everyday activities

23. Four Antidotes to Bullying • Strong sense of self • Being a friend • Having at least one good friend • Being able to successfully get into a group

24. Effective Group Entry Strategies • Teach them to: • Observe the group and ask questions • Manage their hurt feelings

25. Why Kids Don’t Tell • Ashamed of being bullied • Afraid of retaliation • Don’t think anyone can help them • Don’t think anyone will help them • Have learned that “ratting” on a peer is bad

26. Telling Is Not Tattling • Tattling – if it will only get another child in trouble • Telling – if it will get you or another child out of trouble • If it is both, I need to know (Coloroso)

27. If Your Child Is Bullied • Don’t minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully’s behavior • Don’t rush to solve the problem for your child • Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully • Don’t tell your child to fight back • Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone

28. If Your Child Is Bullied • Reassure them it is not their fault • There are things you can do: • Help them develop new friendships • Teach them to be confident • Teach them to be assertive • Report the bullying to school personnel

29. How To Report • Arrange a meeting with school personnel • Bring the facts in writing • Develop a plan • Find out what procedures the bully will be going through • If problem is not addressed adequately, take to school board or police

30. Bystanders • Anyone who knows that bullying is happening • “There are no innocent bystanders” • Author William Burroughs

31. The Bullying Circleby Dan Olweus. PhD • Bullies • Followers/Henchmen • Supporters/Passive Bullies • Passive Supporters/Possible Bullies

32. The Bullying Circle(Continued) • Disengaged Onlookers • Possible Defenders • Defenders of the Target

33. Reasons For Not Intervening • Afraid of getting hurt himself • Afraid of becoming a new target • Afraid of doing something that will only make the situation worse • Does not know what to do

34. Changing Bystander Behavior • Promote the development of empathy • Improve recognition of bullying • Teach children strategies they can use to be helpful

35. Caring Schools • Gather information • Establish clear rules about bullying • Train all adults • Provide adequate adult supervision • Improve parental awareness

36. Criminal Justice System • Statutory laws • Considered illegal based upon age of offender • Developed to protect youth against themselves and society against their immature judgment • No statutory protections for youth that are bullied

37. Summary • There are clear harmful effects from bullying on the development of large numbers of children • Bullying has a devastating impact on children’s ability to focus on academics at school • Bullying is a serious problem for school-age children and one for which they receive limited adult help

38. Summary (Continued) • Bullying is a complex, distressing problem for children that requires intervention on multiple levels. • There are strategies to decrease bullying at the individual child, peer group, and school-wide levels

39. Resources • The Bully, The Bullied and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School-How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle of ViolenceBarbara Coloroso, 2003 • Bullying at School: What We Know and What We Can Do Dan Olweus, 1993

40. Resources (Continued) • Sticks and Stones: Changing the Dynamics of Bullying and Youth Violence Katherine Kocs, 1999 • Steps to Respect: A Bullying Prevention Program (800-634-4449) www.cfchildren.org/strres.html • Stop Bullying Now. www.StopBullyingNow.hrsa.gov

41. Lori ZierlFamily Living Agent UW-Extension Pierce County Pierce County Office Building 412 West Kinne Street, P.O. Box 69 Ellsworth, WI 54011-0069 715-273-3531, ext. 6663 University of Wisconsin-Extension, U.S. Dept. of Agriculture and Wisconsin counties cooperating. UW-Extension provides equal opportunities in employment and programming, including Title IX and ADA.