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Crucial Conversations: When it is not that easy

Crucial Conversations: When it is not that easy. Chapters 9-12. Decide how to decide. IMPORTANT: Define roadmap to a solution 4 methods of decision-making Command (think parent to child) Consult (input from many, decision by one) Vote (majority rules)

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Crucial Conversations: When it is not that easy

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  1. Crucial Conversations:When it is not that easy Chapters 9-12

  2. Decide how to decide IMPORTANT: Define roadmap to a solution 4 methods of decision-making • Command (think parent to child) • Consult (input from many, decision by one) • Vote (majority rules) • Consensus (all for one and one for all)

  3. When choosing a method… • Consider the following • Who cares about the decision? • Who has the expertise to help make the best decision? • Whose cooperation will you need from the decision? • How many people is it worth involving? Good news: You can and should think through this before you start the conversation

  4. 1. Commands • Treat commands like wishes from a bottle (you only get so many) • Offer up components of flexibility (where can “sub-decisions” be made by others) • Validate your command (in most cases)

  5. 2. Consultation • Use when • a lot of people will be affected, • you can gather info easily, • people care about the decision, • there are a lot of options • Remember to report and validate your decision!

  6. 3. Vote • Use when • you know the losers won’t really care that much • there are a lot of good options to choose from • everyone can back the final decision • Do not use when • everyone can’t agree and you get frustrated

  7. 4. Consensus • Use with extreme caution! • Consensus requires compromise • It is not about taking turns • No post-decision lobbying (decision needs to be made in the open and as an entire group) • No “I told you so” (everyone needs to back the decision particularly if it fails)

  8. Make a Gameplan • Who? • Is going to do what? • By when? • With what follow-up? • Hold those with commitments accountable

  9. Putting it all together Dialogue Silence Violence

  10. Prepare! • Walk through the conversation in your head before you even think about engaging the other party • Remember: What do you really want from the conversation? Is that a reasonable goal? What do you NOT want? How will you behave to achieve your goal?

  11. Tough Cases • Chapter 11 provides several examples • Consider subscribing to the Crucial Conversations weekly newsletter • Or, search through the newsletter archives for examples specific to your situation

  12. Tough Cases: some tips • Consider the “pattern of behavior” • Address the bigger issue, not each individual excuse • Address the issue quickly • Calm down…however long that may take you or the other person • Don’t be afraid to ask for help from a third party

  13. The Breakdown • Work on one thing at a time • Reward your successes, learn from your failures • Practice, practice, practice • Go public • Pass it on!

  14. Don’t Expect Perfection; Just make progress

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