Alabama

1. Covered Bridges to Swinging Bridges: Alabama Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Wilma J. Ruffin, Ph.D. Alabama Cooperative Extension System Alabama A&M University

2. Ninety-four percent of Americans become grandparents at some point in their lives. Alabama

3. Grandparenting is a gift between two people at opposite ends of their journey

4. Grandparents……. Hold the soul of the world together…… one kiss; one smile; one hug; one kind word at a time.

5. Grandparents….. • Help children feel secure • Give unconditional love • Work as a team with parents • Are guardians of two generations • Provide family history

6. Grandparents are: • Role models • Teachers • Spiritual Guides • Caretakers • Non-judgmental

7. The backbone of our society- Family is defined as any two or more people living together in one household. Limitations of this definition excludes family diversity, the broader definition: Two or more individuals who share a common dwelling, pool resources, and may or may not have children. Families…

8. Regardless of family structure, families have strengths. Family Flexibility-- The ability to deal with stress, have spiritual beliefs, cooperation, view crises as a challenge rather than denying them, and growing closer together when working through crises.

9. Covered Bridges to Swinging Bridges: Alabama Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

10. Our image of a family is usually a father, mother, and children. In today’s world , that picture doesn’t always reflect reality. Often children go home after school to grandparent-headed households with grandparents as the primary caregiver.

11. Life as a Parenting Grandparent It Wasn’t Supposed to Be Like This:

12. Children 18 and Under Being Raised by a Relative, 2000 and 2005 Source: 2000 U.S. Census, Table P28; 2005 Community Survey, Table BO9003

13. Grandparent ~ Maintained Families ~ In 2000, there were over 2.5 million grandparent-headed families with or without parents present. Together, these families cared for over 4.5 million children or 6.3% of all children. • There were 1.7 million grandparent-headed families with one or more parents present • 32% contain both grandparents • -29% contain grandmothers only

14. Grandparent ~ Maintained Families ~ There were over 1 million grandparent-headed families without parents present -19% contain both grandparents -14% contain grandmothers only - 6% contain grandfathers only

15. Little Lump's Book of Blessings“I have Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa too.Grandma and Grandpa give big hugs and kisses”.

16. Grand Parent Maintained Families

17. The Five "D" Factors • Death • Divorce • Drugs • Drugs • Desertion • Deployment

18. Grandparent-Headed Households Often Result From: • Death of a parent • Child abuse and/or • neglect • Abandonment • Teenage pregnancy • Alcohol and drug • abuse • HIV/AIDS • Unemployment • Incarceration • Divorce • Mental health problems • Family violence • Poverty

19. THE STORIES • How many grandchildren you have • and how they came to live with you.

20. Covered Bridges to Swinging Bridges: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

21. Life Changes • The decrease in your social life now that • you’re a parent again. • How your life is different from that of your • friends. • How your grandchildren have changed your • work life. • Your feelings about work.

22. Life Changescont. • The financial strain of raising a second family. • The dreams and plans that have been put on • hold. • The toll on your health.

23. INTENSE FEELINGS • Grief over the loss of your child • Anger at your child, the situation, the system, • everything • Guilt • Depression • Feeling you don’t belong anywhere, neither • with young parents nor with adults your age

24. INTENSE FEELINGS cont. • Feelings about not wanting to raise your • grandchildren, but not wanting them split • up or placed with strangers. • Hopes for your grandchildren. • The small rewards.

25. Parenting Issues • Changes in childrearing techniques since • your children were young. • The effects of the parent’s visits on the • child’s behavior and emotions. • Dealing with school problems children might • have. • Setting age-appropriate consequences.

26. Parenting Issues cont. • Setting limits with grandchildren and adult • children; what behaviors you will or will not • tolerate • How to raise your grandchild’s self-esteem • How to help children who were born drug • exposed

27. Parenting Issues cont. • Learning to accept that some grandchildren • might need more help than you can provide.

28. Your Adult Children • Learning to accept the fact that your son • or daughter is choosing to be an irresponsible • parent . • When to decide that you have done enough • for your adult child and that it’s time to let go. • Protecting yourself and your grandchildren • from your adult child.

29. The Rest of Your Family • The reaction of other children and family • members to your becoming a parent again • . • Handling sibling rivalry • The effects of second parenthood on • your marriage

30. The Burearcracy • How to negotiate the bureaucracy of • government agencies and “the system” • The frustration with a system that was • set up to protect your grandchildren but • often doesn’t • What groups can do to help change the • system

31. Some Challenges of Grandparent Headed Households • The Generation Gap • Energy required for activities, especially young children • Health challenges that may limit activity • Embarrassment of grandchildren because grandparents are older their peers’ parents • Grandchildren miss the joy and privileges of the grandparent role—”being spoiled” • Grandchildren miss the opportunity to share events with their parents and grandparents. • Efforts to maintain positive relationship/attitudes with biological parent(s). • Financial strains

32. Strengths of Grandparent Headed Households • Grandparents are often more patient • Grandparents tend to be more available • Grandparents are more accepting of the child’s uniqueness, are less critical • Grandparents have prior parenting experience • If retired, they have more time to share activities • They sometimes have a solid financial base • The joy the children and grandparents bring to each others’ lives

33. How We Can Help Grandparent Headed-Households Thrive! • Emotional support from family members • Support from: schools, churches, cooperative extension, universities, and family focused agencies • Influence legislation and laws that empower grandparent headed-households to acquire the resources needed to sustain and strengthen their family.

34. Covered Bridges to Swinging Bridges: Grandparents Raising Grandchildren

35. The Support Groups Provide: • Emotional & Social Support • Parenting & Discipline Techniques and Issues • How To Deal With Adult Children • Relaxation and How to Deal with Stress • Referrals for Special Services

36. The Support Groups Provide: • Respite Care • Educational information such as enrolling children in school, help with torturing and special needs • Physical and Mental Health Needs • Practical information on a variety of topics • Legal Issues

37. The Support Groups Provide: One Grandmother said, “Basically, I wanted to meet other women who were doing the same thing that I was. Sometimes people don’t understand why you decide to actually take the responsibility for your grandchildren, and there can be some pressure on you.”

38. The Support Groups Provide: • Respite Care • Educational information such as enrolling children in school, help with torturing and special needs • Physical and Mental Health Needs • Practical information on a variety of topics • Legal Issues

39. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program In response to an overwhelming need, the Alabama Cooperative Extension System, Urban Affairs and New Nontraditional Programs Unit initiated a Grandparents Raising GrandchildrenProgram (GRG). Using the following steps: Alabama

40. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program • Local community meeting—Satellite Conference from University of Wisconsin Cooperative Extension on GRG. • At the end of Satellite Conference, interested personswere asked to sign a list for further discussion. • Fourteen persons signed the list—representing 5 agencies and grandparents. Alabama

41. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program • …3. DHR-Kinship Care, AARP, TARCOG (Area Agency on Aging) Alabama CARES, Huntsville Times (News Paper), Extension Agents, and Grandparents. • In 2001, formed local Madison County Urban Workgroup with above listed community partners. • Radio & TV PSAs and news paper articles ANNOUNCED… Alabama

42. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program • …Community meeting at Madison County Senior Center. • Conducted community meetings: • gave overview of GRG • available resources • discussed legal issues • how to organize a support group Alabama

43. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program …meetings provided information to community on GRG issues. 7. Offered opportunities to start support groups in Madison County. 8. Started a Madison County Support Group. 9. Support Groups have been organized across the state. Alabama

44. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program …Madison County Support Group began meeting and the workgroup also operated as a Community Network. Alabama

45. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program …Dekalb, Marshall, Jackson, Cherokee, & Etowah Counties’ Support Groups have formed a Community Network. Alabama

46. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program Alabama The local (workgroup) Community Network applied for and received a statewide grant from the Brookdale Foundation of New York City. The charge of the statewide grant was to establish and provide technical support for support groups statewide. The charge was met by establishing independent groups and community networks.

47. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program ...continued The grant received from the Brookdale Foundation was the impetus for forming the Statewide Steering committee/coalition-Inter-System “Task Force”. The statewide coalition, Alabama RAPP, was formed (2002) to address issues through support groups and proposed state legislation. Alabama

48. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program ...continued Alabama RAPP is unique, it addresses the needs of grandparents raising grandchildren as well as relatives raising related children . The statewide coalition is comprised of four state agencies, with the Alabama Cooperative Extension System serving as the lead organization. (The structure models the original work group). Alabama

49. RAPP Alabama Relatives As Parents Program Alabama

50. RAPP Alabama • Alabama AARP became a primary partner of the statewide steering committee. • Sponsored state network meeting at their office located in the capital city-Montgomery, AL. • Co-sponsored four Regional Conferences. • Developed a statewide resource guide. Relatives As Parents Program Alabama