Mentoring for Success

1. Mentoring for Success One-on-one mentoring September 8, 2012

2. Role of a Mentor

3. What is a Mentor? • Friend • Guide • Listener • Resource • Advocate • Self-esteem builder • Coach • Positive role-model

4. Setting an Example • Your mentees are looking at you- what will they see? • Guidelines to remember: • Be punctual and keep your weekly commitment to the program • Be courteous – contact your mentee & program staff in advance if you have a scheduling conflict • Use respectful language • Dress appropriately - be mindful of logos, skirts/shorts, etc. • Limit cell phone usage • Your time with your mentee is for you and your mentee!

5. Scenario #1 • You’ve been matched with your mentee, Destiny, for about a month. You and Destiny have similar taste in music and are always talking about your favorite artists. Destiny asks if you’ll get her a CD that’s just been released. • Small group discussion: • What are your thoughts? • What would you do? Why?

6. Scenario #1: Things to Consider • What could happen if you start giving your mentee gifts (including food)? • Will your mentee start to expect that you will buy them things? How would you feel if your mentee always asked you to buy gifts or give him/her money? • How could gift giving affect the dynamic or focus of your relationship? • What is the purpose of mentoring? If you believe your mentee needs resources, talk to your program staff!

7. What a Mentor is NOT • Santa Claus • Disciplinarian • Financial support • Peer • Therapist • Parent

8. Best Practices

9. Scenario #2 • Mark (mentor) and James (mentee) have recently been matched together. When James tells Mark he plays on the basketball team, Mark promises he will come to every game. • Small group discussion: • What is positive about this scenario? • What is problematic about this scenario? • What unintended consequences might occur?

10. Scenario #2: Things to Consider • Is it realistic for Mark to go to every game? • For example: What if Mark’s schedule changes and he has class during James’ games? • Will James question Mark’s commitment if he can’t follow through with his promise? Will James be able to trust Mark? • What are James’ past experiences? Has he had other people in his life break promises? If so, how might that affect the situation? • Could Mark get overwhelmed trying to make every game?

11. Scenario #3 • You’ve just returned from winter break. Your class load has picked up since last semester and you are not sure you have time to continue meeting with your mentee, Courtney. You’ve enjoyed the experience so far, but you’re feeling overwhelmed and wondering if Courtney will understand if you stop participating in the program. Your best friend can take your place, and you know your friend and Courtney would be a great fit. • Small group discussion: • What are your thoughts? • How will you approach this dilemma? • What are possible ramifications of your decision? • Where will you get help?

12. Scenario #3: Things to Consider • How will Courtney feel if you end your mentoring relationship? • Will Courtney feel abandoned? Or like it is her fault? • What does research say about mentoring relationships that last less than one year? Contact your program staff to discuss your feelings and concerns!

13. Successful Mentors • Are consistent & dependable • Are patient • Have realistic expectations • Acknowledge that the positive impact on your mentee comes after the relationship is built • Emphasize friendship and fun over changing the behavior of the mentee • Respect differences: cultural, social, and religious • Put the child’s safety and well-being first • Keep in touch with program staff • Set boundaries and limits

14. Best Practices in Mentoring • Minimum of one year commitment • Pre-match mentor training • Matching based on preferences of mentor/mentee • On-going support from staff • Post-match training • Closure process

15. Boundaries

16. Scenario #4 • Spencer (mentor) has been matched with his mentee, Josh, for 5 months. Josh lives with his grandma and his two brothers. Spencer notices that Josh’s clothes are often wrinkled and faded. He knows that his mom would never have let him out of the house looking like that. Additionally, Spencer notices that Josh’s coat is dirty and decides to go buy him a new one. Spencer expresses concern to the program staff regarding his grandma’s ability to care for Josh. • Small group discussion: • What’s positive about this scenario? • What is problematic about this scenario? • What unintended consequences might occur if Spencer buys Josh a coat?

17. Scenario #4: Things to Consider • What could happen if Spencer buys Josh a new coat? • What are Spencer’s expectations in regard to hygiene and appearance? What does he think is acceptable appearance for a child? • How is Spencer’s perception of Josh’s grandma affected by his own upbringing? • Spencer is concerned that Josh’s clothes are wrinkled and faded. Are the clothes hand-me-downs? • How does the day and time that Spencer sees Josh affect this situation?

18. Boundaries • Personal • Self-disclosure • Values and beliefs • Physical • Yellow Light Behaviors • Red Light Behaviors • Resources/Money • Time

19. Importance of Boundaries • Why are boundaries important? • To clearly define each person’s role in the match relationship • Youth Centered • To keep youth safe • To establish trust • To avoid burnout • To teach life skills

20. Relationship Building

21. Scenario #5 • You’ve been matched with your mentee, Jordan, for two months. Jordan rarely talks about himself and his family. You are wondering how Jordan feels about your relationship and if he feels comfortable with you. You’ve noticed that he doesn’t seem as excited as some of the other mentees. • Small group discussion: • How would this make you feel? • What ideas do you have for getting to know Jordan better? • What could you do to make him feel comfortable opening up? • Where would you get help?

22. Scenario #5: Things to Consider • Is this the first mentoring relationship your mentee has had? • Does your mentee understand your role? • Does your mentee show excitement in other ways? • Consider how your mentee’s upbringing could affect the way your mentee expresses emotion. • Is your mentee naturally quiet? Remember, it can take time to build a relationship. Be patient!

23. 1. Brainstorm creative ways to build a relationship with your mentee. 2. Discuss with your group and write your ideas on a piece of paper. 3. Share with the group. Group Activity

24. Building Relationships • Be consistent and let your mentee know you are invested and engaged • Ask questions, but make sure to also share about yourself • Play icebreakers that encourage both of you to share fun or interesting facts about yourselves • Find out what you have in common • Think about what you were like as an elementary or middle school student… • What were you interested in? • Who/what encouraged you? • What was a turn off for you?

25. Building Relationships • Ideas for breaking the ice: • Play High/Low • Ask your mentee to think of the “high” and “low” of the day or week • Play Two Truths and a Lie • Make a list of your likes and dislikes and find out what you have in common • ………….

26. Guidelines for Communication • Make your communication positive • Be clear and specific • Recognize that individuals see things from different points of view • Be open and honest about your feelings • Accept your mentee’s feelings and try to understand them • Be supportive and accepting • Do not preach or lecture • Learn to listen • Maintain eye contact • Allow time for your mentee to talk without interruption • Get feedback to be sure you understand • Listen for feeling tones as well as for words • Ask questions when you do not understand • Set examples rather than give advice

27. Working with Youth

28. Scenario #6 • Your mentee tells you that she has a secret. She will only tell you if you promise not to tell anyone else. •  Small group discussion: • What are your thoughts? • What would you say in response to your mentee?

29. Scenario #6: Things to Consider • Reporting Laws • Any person who has cause to believe that a child has suffered abuse or neglect should report such incidents • Contact your program staff and CCASL staff (Mark, Zach, or Bailley) to let them know what happened • CCASL and Spokane Public Schools (?) will need to fill out paperwork • Remember, it is not your job to investigate and determine the facts!

30. Scenario #7 • During a group activity, your mentee, Justin, gets into an argument with another mentee. He does not respond when you give him a warning. •  Small group discussion: • What would you do next? • What ideas do you have for working with Justin to avoid this conflict in the future?

31. Scenario #7: Things to Consider • Calmly ask Justin to step aside • Acknowledge Justin’s feelings • Ask what happened before you start giving advice • Ask Justin about the cause and possible solutions • Ask Justin how he would handle the situation the NEXT time (and give ideas) • Role play possible conversations with Justin • Ask Justin how he would feel if he was in the other person’s shoes • Discuss with Justin how to respond positively to a negative situation (without lecturing)

32. CK Behavior Policy • Card system • First two cards result in warnings • Third card = “Take 5” • Fourth card = “Take 10” • Examples: • Being disrespectful to someone who is addressing the group (There should be a warning, but if disruption continues, 1 Card) • Being disrespectful to peers: Name Calling (1 Card), Using inappropriate language (2 Cards), Bullying (3 Cards). Horseplay or roughhousing (1 Card) • FIGHTING (4 Cards) • Not Following instructions (1 Card) • Not minding your own safety and the safety of others, no climbing (2-4 Cards) • Staying seated on the bus (1 Card)

33. Campus Kids and Connections: Expectations @ School • Visit your mentee once a week during a time agreed upon with the school counselorand/or teacher • Be sure to sign in (attendance will be checked weekly) • Dress appropriately (in accordance with school policy) • Follow school rules • No running on the blacktop • No eating from your mentee’s lunch tray • Avoid horseplay or roughhousing

34. Campus Kids and Connections: Program Expectations • Stay with your mentee at all times • Enforce behavior policy • Always stay in mentor/mentee pairs • No dorms • Pairs should always be in public places with others present • Tutor Time • Internet policy • Stay focused on academic activities • You are NOT permitted to drive your mentee • Saturday Activities • Do not purchase anything for your mentee!

35. Health and Safety (SPS) • Health Services • Food Allergies • Medications • ?

36. Discussion • What questions do you have about mentoring or Campus Kids, Connections or Eye-to-Eye? • What concerns do you have about mentoring? • What are you looking forward to?

37. Thank you for coming!