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Changing Gears .

P Pastoral Care Symposium Melbourne 2012 Working with older men-what makes men tick? John Evans Changing Gears. Life Coaching and Counselling . Changing Gears .

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Changing Gears .

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  1. PPastoral Care SymposiumMelbourne 2012Working with older men-what makes men tick?John EvansChanging Gears. Life Coaching and Counselling Changing Gears .

  2. What do men long for, agonise over, aspire to? Why is it men are often silent in dark and dangerous, or difficult situations? Why do so many men find it hard to express how much they care? What do they look for in women? What do they want from committed relationships, from friendships? What motivates them? What do they worry about? How do they see their bodies, their world? What is life like for them as they age? Why do so many resort to suicide? Every day we read articles about men - men at home, men at work, men in bed - but still the confusion and frustration between the sexes remain. Can we put the differences between men and women down to the influence of Venus and Mars, or are there more intricate dynamics at play? Maggie Hamilton-What men won’t talk about

  3. When you think of menhow would you finish this sentence:“Men are…………….?”

  4. Men are…! • Incompetent • Lazy • Aggressive • Unfeeling • Un-necessary • Unfit • Uncaring • Silent • Sex mad • ?

  5. Men’s secret business! Externally strong Internally vulnerable Confuses sexuality with intimacy . Trapped in societal assumptions . Raised by mothers Has secret cries in his heart

  6. Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and often die with the song still in them.Henry David Thoreau Philosopher 1817-1862

  7. Men seek close and warm relationships…..but..Men often do not express emotions because….Men desire a trusting and honest friend.Men wish for someone to share things with. Their story and stories; hopes, dreams, ideas and thoughts.

  8. Factors that contribute to an older mans quality of life. *Independence *social support and social interaction *Family *Good or well managed health *Physical mobility and strength *Life skills including ‘in house skills’ *Warm home *Control over their own lives especially after death of partner when life can feel out of control *Female companionship *(Age concern UK. 2006)

  9. Fears in the heart of a man. Fear of alone-ness. Fear of loveless-ness. Fear of being useless.

  10. Understand the man’s internal frame of reference Use gender appropriate, non-deficit language “Problem-solver” may want information to make an informed decision rather than understanding Recognize male preference for “side-by-side” relationships rather than “face-to-face” Males may not be able to identify / articulate feelings Understand that anger may be a defensive response RESPONDING EFFECTIVELY TO MEN

  11. Exclusive-Breaking News!Men and women think differently and see the world differently too.

  12. Someone’s idea of what a woman’s brain looks like

  13. Differences…. • A woman will talk out her troubles before she knows what she wants to talk about! • A man will withdraw and internalize his stuff and ‘stew’ in his shed! • A woman will take events ‘out there’ and internalize the blame. • A man will put the blame on to others ‘out there’, especially loved ones, because he struggles to know how to process the internal stuff.

  14. BY STATE/TERRITORY

  15. BY GENDER

  16. BY AGE

  17. WARNING SIGNS OF SUICIDE PHYSICAL SIGNS • Loss of interest in personal hygiene or appearance • Loss of physical energy • Sudden & extreme changes in eating habits; loss or gain • Major changes to sleeping patterns (too much or too little) • Loss of interest in sex • Loss of interest. Full stop. • Increase in minor illnesses • Withdrawing • Talking in ‘ending’ terms… • ah well, it won’t be forever; it will not • be a problem for much longer….etc • After death of partner BEHAVIOURAL • Finalising affairs • Organising a will • Unexplained crying • Withdrawal • Quitting activities that used to be important • Giving away prized possessions • Over or uncharacteristic use of • drugs or alcohol • Lack of interest in future • Uncharacteristic risk taking or • recklessness • (eg. driving recklessly)

  18. THE END Thank you!

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