Listening

1. Listening

2. We need listening the most in our lives, but learn it the least! • What is the difference between hearing and listening? • Listening is like breathing, a natural effort. True? • Research shows that we only achieve 25-50% accuracy in the behaviors of others. True?

3. Components of listening: • Selecting – Choosing a sound that competes for your attention. • Attending/filtering – When do we “go nuts” with some noises? Dog barking? • Understanding – Syntactic and grammatical rules • Remembering – Why do we remember some things, but not others? • Responding – In which model of communication is listening most important? • What is the difference between external, physiological, and psychological noise?

4. Information overload Personal concerns Rapid thought External noise Pseudolistening Stage hog Selective listening Gap filling Insulated listening Ambushing Defensive listening Listening Problems • Passive listening -lack of verbal response -when interjections are not appropriate -when receiver is free to talk without interruption

5. Uninterested Delivery versus content Overstimulated mind Only the facts! Outline mania 10 Worst Listening Habits-Nichols & Lewis (1954) • Faking it • Easily Distracted • Too hard • Closed mind • Wasting thought speed

6. Counterfeit Questions! Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) • Questions (asking for specific information) • Questions that trap the sender • Questions that make statements • Questions that carry hidden agendas • Questions that seek correct answers • Questions based on unchecked assumptions

7. Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Sincere questions: • Clarify meaning • Strive to learn about others’ thoughts, wants, needs • Are mostly open ended

8. Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Paraphrasing (Mirroring Technique) • Factual Information • Active listener uses a questioning tone. • Clarify facts before offering a reaction. • Personal Information -Underlying message, find the feelings involved. -Think-feel-want -What happens if you paraphrase too quickly?

9. Four steps to empathic responses: 1. Understand your partner’s feelings 2. Ask questions 3. Reflect content by paraphrasing 4. Reflect feelings by paraphrasing Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Empathizing Lack of empathy: • Denying others the right to their feelings • Minimizing the significance of the situation • Offering unrequested advice • Passing judgment • Self-defending • Raining on the speaker’s parade (What is happening with us when we do this?)

10. Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Directive responses: • receiver’s assessment of what the speaker just said; then state or imply what a receiver should do • supportive • agreement • offers to help • praise • diversion • putting things in perspective

11. Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Analyzing: • Giving advice Evaluating • i.e., work appraisals • Sometimes helpful, sometimes not • Sometimes solicited; sometimes unsolicited • Was this a requested analysis or evaluation?

12. Active Listening (Listening for Understanding) Informational Listening • Separating content from speaker. • Asking questions. • Reserving judgment.

13. Final Thoughts: Active Listening • Beware of readily imposing ideas • Be “other oriented” • Mix active listening with other responses • Avoid phony responses • Be willing to take the proper time