Reporting FOR DUTY

2. Reporting FOR DUTY · Do you have a preference for certain game genres? FPS is the best!  · Do you have a gaming motto? Bukdol pa wil 'n bokskiet so reg in die hol!  · What was the funniest thing that ever happened to you while gaming Not so much in game but on TS.The first time Quicky played CODWAW!The language! I never heard a ouke swear so much! Every word !Not every second word."Moer" funny!!!!!!!!!!!!  · Do you have a favourite Team Kill victim? Quick who else?  "Jymaaknie 'n strand sambreel in 'n ou se holoopnie"  · Who is your celebrity alter-ego and why? David Hasselhoff.His the man! All those lekka bods around him in Baywatch, small red Speedo(They say it pays to advertise).What more do you want? Except his own daughters filming him when his "gespatsoos 'n tor".Diearmebliksem!!!  lol!  · Besides gaming, what do you consider to be your favourite past time? What a question? Drinking of course!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! · Who of the BUD's do you consider as n valuable Ally when  your pinned down by enemy fire? All of them!!!!!!!!!!!!  "wat 'n moerseklompouens"   BUDS FOR PARLIMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!! · Final question, what does "WINKLEPICKER" mean to you? While having a wee picking your nose at the same time, inspecting it and having it for a appetizer before a big game on telly!Sout biltong maakjoudors,meer bier om die dorste les! SCOOBY / POELPLONSER · What is your real names, for those who don’t know? Charles Grobler · Is there any special meaning or story behind your Nic? When I started diving in JHB.Qualifing dives and weekend away dives on one at Wondergat I popped my eardrum and couldn't make the yearly trip down to AliwalShoul.So had to wait a whole year for the opportunity to dive in the sea. So I racked up a shit load full of fresh water dives(+/-) 63 before I dived in the sea for the first time. So the oukes at the diving club dubbed me "Poelplonser“ · Where do you live? Windy City or Friendly City  PE(Lekker drink plek)  · Are you married, engaged, attached? Married to Marzaan my poenanie and a little girl 4 months old Sibella.Two boys out of my previous marriage Armandt en Weich · What do you do in real life to support your gaming addiction? Transport Broker(Zoate)   · How did your gaming start?.About 2 and half years back at one of my mates house. We had a braai and a couple of "Kapteine".Saw his laaitie not moving away from the computer and he was the designated pourer. So getting "Gatvol" of pouring my own drinks, went to investigate the bad service. He was playing COD4, looked interesting so I gave it a bash! After the first oukeknived me I was hooked and "moerig"  · Do you have a historic favourite game? Contra on Nintendo  · What is your favourite game at the moment? CODMW2  when I get time to play! Babies eish! 

3. FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH BY ROFTY Addiction ... we have all been down that dark road. A recent experience made me realize that the latest drug on the market is not only super-cool, but is so dangerous; it can drive you to the edge of insanity. I'm not taking about drugs as common as TiK, Dagga or Cocaine. I'm off course talking of - The Series. We all started off with a buddy telling how cool this Series is. We watch the first episode ... and then you either get hooked or you don't. For the unfortunate ones who do get hooked, starts a journey of great misery. Whether it is in the form of Survivor, UFC, Heroes, all of us out there have fallen in the trap of the Series. So you had your first dose. It felt good. You experienced new and weird combinations of emotions. So you slowly move on with the episodes. One by one they fly by, it becomes part of your life. You start to alienate your friends to hang with people that also enjoy that series. You crave the next episode. You are lost in your own sick thoughts running though a labyrinth of curiosity searching for the cheese at the end … what will happen next. But the good times never lasts. Suddenly you reach the last episode in the folder. You realize that out there somewhere is another episode, but it only releases next week. Withdrawal symptoms start to kick in. Muscles quiver, hallucinations, paranoia. You realize that you can’t wait another week before the next episode is released. You then take the next step as any average druggy would. You find the next best thing, the next series. And the viscous cycle start all over again. BATTLEFIELD BAD COMPANY 2 BY QUIKY Here follows a little update on the BFBC2 side. We have had 3 official Clan "Trainings". And overall we as a clan are getting better every day.BC2 is a very addictive game, love the satisfaction of  killing the enemy with any weapon of choice and one always has a story to tell ... makes me think back when I was a young lad who started out playing battlefield ...Downfall is the VoIP that is not working correctly on local servers. I discovered that it is only on our local servers and not on the international servers. SGS will have to rectify that issue. But on the other hand one has gotten so used to the fact that you need to run TeamSpeak in the background...Another bit of news, the Blowupdolls will be returning to the do Gaming league, formally known as the AGASA league. The BUD's are feeling confident to win this, rumour has it that FIB has disbanded so the BUD's will be have a chance at gold.The official team we have entered is called Legion.Good Luck to all the players who are in the league, I hope you/us/Legion will do well!!!

4. CAPE TOWN RUGBY BY TROEPSTER So how about a visit to Cape Town’s new Stadium, the Legendary brand spanking new Green Point Stadium. Well at least that is what the BUDs thought to do on the 6th of February 2010. Tickets and parking was booked and the day dawned and we all took our able bodies to go and witness a rugby clash between the Stormers and Boland. At first glance it is an Amazing piece of architecture, the parking under the stadium is a welcome addition and makes access to this colossus of a stadium easy and convenient(it would be nice to have direct stadium access from the parking lot, but obviously we can’t have everything). Inside the stadium is well spaced out, with food and drink stalls closely situated to your seat, if your seat isn’t taken by Quik(sigh). We were sitting on the side where our JumboTron was out of order, so we had to Level 1 Eyeball the whole game. All and all a great experience, except for the fact that the drinks stands closed shop during half time. We had a nice special at the end where Kauai sold of their leftover stock for R5 a wrap afterwards, so at least there was that. I think the stadium has some great potential and going with the right crowd is always a plus, except when they drop you for the after party (Excluding Rofty and Scordor from this last comment)

5. KRIEKET LAN V BY SOUSWURM K.LAN V leaves 12 participants broken and injured, 26724 zombies deceased ... twice. Another legendary Krieket LAN has come and gone, and every time I organize one of these, it still amazes me how 2 months can go by so quickly and so slowly at the same time in anticipation of the "semi-bi-annual multiplayer multigame event". While there's nothing wrong with a standard LAN, the combination of gaming, braaing and physical sports over the span of a weekend culminates into something that everyone can enjoy whilst enjoying their friends' conversation, bringing spouses (spices?), colleagues and innocent bystanders together, and having fun. That being said, it was no fun for zombies. Oh no, no fun at all.We had the chance of playing a KLAN favourite's (Left 4 Dead) sequel, cleverly named Left 4 dead 2. The addition of new special zombies, new guns and new environments (it's the south, y'all hear?) made for fun times and was the game that enjoyed most screen time the weekend. Left 4 dead 1 also stood strong, while in a surprise attack Call of Duty Nazi zombies refused to cooperate, along with Command and Conquer 3. Another surprise was the introduction of the hefty (12 GB) destruction shooter, Red Faction 3, which allowed an army of BUDs to shoot roofs above, walls aside and the ground below of their opponents, basically everything except the enemy, in a plethora of paramilitary pandemonium. Tip: Justice Hammer beats all Warcraft 3 custom maps also featured for a short while to change the pace. The Krieket LAN isn't just all about fun and games though. Extensive scientific research also transpired in the field of impaired cerebral functions. We had 10 BUDs in several different states of mental capacity (achieved by precise dosages of sugar-derived ethanol, or Captain Morgan for the lay way man) participate in an impromptu teamwork exercise named Freelancer. The results are as follow: 20% of BUDs will never be able to, and should not be allowed to attempt, manual space flight. 10% of those that tried, where able to land on planets, albeit forcefully and died in the process. 50% of the survivors were able engage enemy targets without accidentally selling their own weapons. 5% of those were able to steal dropped items of defeated enemies from teammates 80% thought that flying to London from New York for a good steak is a stupid idea 100% BUDS agree that spaceship cockpits should be at least at 16:9 or 16:10 viewing angle Also: You can hear someone scream in space (DAAI's MY LOOT!!!) Planets are stronger than ships in head-on collisions Humans are scarier than aliens (at least the drunk flyers are) The great outdoors was too irresistible for the BUDS to be cooped up slaying zombies whole day, and a game of cricket to rival world cup finals took place, to be followed by a braai with a "rooster" (wat de *** is rooster in Engels? grill? turning metal meat frame?) so large that it rivalled Razak's thirst for SOCO, Peetie's thirst for Jack, and my thirst for Bar one milkshakes combined. Surprisingly, for such a hot weekend, little swimming took place. I did however succeed in making my cold turn worse, an unplanned side effect of swimming in 6 cm degrees water. All in all, I had fun, can't wait for new games to arrive so that zombies can repopulate (**eeeeeewwww**) before becoming extinct.

6. A CYST STORY 1981 Pinotage BY CYST BY ROFTY It happened late at night in the dark alleyways of the ever so notorious Ficksburg. Our own Spaceman mc Rambo decided to withdraw some cash from the local Automatic Teller Machine. He was busy drinking pint glasses of Stroh Rum through his left eye, happy-hour just finished and he needed some cash to buy Brutal Fruits for all seven of his supermodel girlfriends, who are real supermodels by the way. He had to put his magic show on hold, right when he was busy sawing one of the patrons in half lying in his “magic box”, to go reposes some of his fortune from ABSA. Then ATM only coughed up R100, but this wasn’t a problem because everyone usually buys his drink for him due to the fact that they are scared pants-less of his death-stare-from-the-abyss. He wanted to go back to his drop-top luxury vehicle when OVER 9000! ninjas came at him from behind with lead pipes and other various traditional ninja weapons. Most of the weapons were snapped into pieces and half of the ninjas fled as soon as they saw who they just tried to ambush. This is when Skeletor threw a lit bundle of dynamite at SpacemansMcRambo skills’ head area. Spacemaster Mc Awesome was only dazed for a split second after the explosion, but it was enough time for the rat bastards to snatch his R100 from within his pocket and flee into the night, disappearing forever. Because Spaceman Mc Rambo pants knew that everyone in the bar would buy his drinks for him anyways, he went back there and finished up with his magic show. No one even suspected a thing, except for the airport security dog that could smell explosives from a mile away. As suspected, everyone in the bar bought Spaceman a drink each and no one was injured. Except of course the lady he sawed in half for his magic show. She is currently being treated in hospital for a bad case of the awesome. The people that live a little South from this event had to be treated for Radio-active sickness and we expect a few 2 headed children in the next 5 years. Like fine wine, men get better with age. This can also be said of our beloved leader – Troepster. One Monday 29th of March, we all gathered at Krige’s Pub in Old Oak Rd to await the arrival of the Godfather. A week before Troepsdruk invited us to a surprise party for her hubby. We were given strict instructions to keep this a secret … seeing as most of us have the tendency to not keep our mouths shut. Troepster was kept under the impression that that he would spend a nice romantic evening at home with Bad Company 2. When the Norval couple arrived, Troepster was already blindfolded like a hostage. Slowly but surely Troepdruk navigated him over the dodgy cobble stone pathway towards the restaurant, with about 20 BUD’s and friend watching quietly as they approached. Then the Big Moment … SURPRISE!!! Poor Troepster heart skipped a few beat with shock. There were streamers, party hats, and those weird blow pipe thingies that make a party noise. The theme of the party took me back to the good old days where kids use to sit round a big table in the garden, and feast on excessive sugary snacks, except off course for the excessive amounts of alcohol. The party lasted till about 10pm by when most of the BUD had to leave for an Action Cricket. It was here that the party continued in into early morning hours. With Tropester still taking birthday shots. By next day when the BUD’s asked Troepster whether he enjoyed his party, he replied with a somewhat tiring look on his face: What party?!

7. Action NETBALL BY MURLOC This season ended with a bang , all our teams ended up in the finals for gold silver or bronze , some by luck , others by great netball like the Medichasie and Tnteddy teams that got all the way to the gold and silver final. (Against each other for dominating the same league) The Baby Buds were the first team to play their Bronze final and played a great game, especially Christo on defense who got man of the match and helped the team win their medal. The second game of the Night was the Bronze Final between the AfstandHoenders and Jump & Jack a team that was for the most part of the season unbeaten up until their prelims and semis. Our defense in the form of Peetie and Erazor was magnificent which made scoring on the opposite side very easy. We won the game easily and got the medal with Erazor taking man of the match. Then the Big Game of the evening, our flagship team the BUDs in league 1 had a faceoff with our arch enemy Diezel, a team we have never beaten in 2 years of playing… we have lost more than one final against them in the past and this for them seemed like a sure win, hell, not if we can do something about that… An epic battle ensued, there was a gnashing of teeth, tearing of clothes, tears running freely and angles weeping… to sum it up, it was a battle of biblical proportions… Never had there been such a David and Goliath tale been told at this arena, never had a team so far behind come back to take victory in the face of sure defeat… But the Buds made their scoreboard tick over slowly and made the Diezel infidels scoreboard stop all together, six points behind, six times we had to score just to draw even, but we surpassed it … eight balls dropped through the net at the hands of veteran players the like of which have rarely been seen, Quiky and Scoredor made sure their aim was true and like Robin Hood split the arrow, so did balls of these fine individuals part the net of the scoring circle… two points ahead and only seconds to go in the game with Diezel on the attack, Murloc ripped the ligaments of his ankle to shreds in a last heroic attempt to stop the Diezel Behemoth from scoring… Screams of despair went up from the onlookers as their beloved Defender also known as the REJECTOR plummeted to the ground like a tree chopped off at the base. Bellowing screams of pain Murloc lays flat on the court clutching his ruined leg. The referees failing to stop the play of the game made the crowd see Diezel score just before the Buzzer went… A jubilant cheer went up from the stands as the BUDs win the game 18-17… Sacrifices made, hearts pounding and smiles all around, the Buds go and collect their Bronze medal for Mix league 1, Murloc got man of the match. Now it was time for the Medichasie and TnTeddy gold and silver final a fight that has come along all season… A Fight that has spanned over several games the first of which was a draw and followed up by two close wins by Medichasie leaving them at the top of the points board. These two teams have been evenly matched and we were all poised for a great fight for the gold . That was until about 2 weeks before the final, Rumcan pulled the ligament in his ankle and was replaced by Peetie a Super league and Western Province player. This made the teams rather unbalanced, to further add injury to insult one of the tnTeddy players couldn’t make it to the game and was replaced by Ria, (erazor’s sister) a Maties Netball player. Still the Medichasies took on the challenge and fought bravely the first half and ended the first 15 minutes on a draw of 10-10… Right away in the second half Troep steps skew and hurts his ankle, Quik goes to give aid and is hurriedly pushed onto the field to replace Troep… That’s another Western Province player to bolster the might of the league 4 team… After this last replacement it was like putting Pierre Spies in a Boxing ring with a Blind Down syndrome Girl with a bum leg… It was a slaughter … The Medichasies tried bravely to stem the flow of goals by tnTeddy’s scorers, but Rofty with his brand new sneakers and troep canceling manouvres was no match for the much higher ranked players. Kind of like taking on a Level 17 Cave Beast with your Level 8 Rogue… The end score was 30-20 for the tnTeddies with Peetie taking home the man of the match title. Everybody got a medal in the end, so no harm, no foul, but a fair match-up would have been nice for the players in the Medichasie team who didn’t win silver but lost gold. The Wolbommer’s opponents never showed so they just had a friendly ball throwing with some of the other buds and was rather ridiculous with rumcan running around like a drunk trying to play ref while no-one listened to his whistle… The wollbommers got their bronze medal by default. All and all a great season… the new season started this Tuesday past and promises to be another epic fun filled couple of months. We welcome our new players like Drifter to the squad and we see the chopping and changing of teams, the Baby Buds are removed and replaced by the Grease Apies and none of the teams looks the same as they did last season because of allot of players unable to play this season. We look forward to seeing everybody at the arena in the coming weeks and we wish all the teams best of luck.

9. ALIEN VS PREDATOR 78/100 PEETIE’s CHOICE Pro’s Xenomorph and Predator campaigns are a lot of fun Brutal Finishing moves Sound is familiar and well done Con’s Marine mission Xenomorph and Predator campaigns are too short Familiar boring storyline Why make an Alien vs Predator game where you play as a human? Humans suck! The weakest excuse of a loser of either of the other two species will kick any human’s ass. I don’t care how bad-ass the human is. Humans just don’t cut it in this argument. Humans can’t run across the ceiling, disappear using a cloaking device,kill something using their ass or tongue or a cool frisbee disk, basically all of the standard ways in which the other two can tear their foe’s apart. And when I say tear apart I am not joking. BRUTAL “FINISH HIM” moves are abundant in both the Pred and Xeno Campaign and was a big highlight for me. The storyline is fairly generic. Anyone who has previously played an AvP game or saw an AvP movie will know how the story works. WeylandYutani are trying to breed and control the Xeno’s and of course they escape and start tormenting their tormentors. This all happens to take place on one of the Predator’s many hunting resorts, and they don’t like sharing what’s their’s. The marines are obviously sent in to “contain” the situation, or to quote Yahtzee: “Marines are sent in to take care of them, the same way that bits of bread gets sent into ponds to take care of the ducks”. Lance Henrikson returns as the voice of Charles “Bishop” Weyland and is becoming a bit of a cult gaming icon, having just voiced General Shephard in Modern Warfare 2. I started out with the Predator’s Campaign because I think they are awesome. You play as a young hunter trying to prove himself and to find out what happened to a previous warrior on the planet. It is a stealth based experience which I quite enjoyed because you know that whenever the game tries to make the game dark and scary, you are still the scariest thing in the room. It is a lot of fun using the Predators vast array of gadgets and weapons, which includes favourites like the shoulder cannon, wrist blades, smart disc and combi-stick. All the vision modes are there of course highlighting the enemy from its surroundings. The xeno’s campaign starts out very nice with a Arkham Asylum like rail section which shows how no. 6 escapes. Then it is all up to you as you skewer and dismember the poor marines and scientist left, right and centre in order to get to your queen. The control scheme is a bit disorientating at the beginning as you struggle to discover if you are running on the wall or ceiling, but you get used to it pretty quick, which is a good thing, because if any enemy sees you, you are pretty much dead. That’s right, the alien is useless in one on one combat and you have to rely heavily on stealth to get though the campaign. With that being said, the missions are a lot of fun. Then there is the marine missions...uhhhh....standard FPS setup, which starts out scary as hell and then falls apart. I was shitting my pants thoughout that entire first stage up to the point I had contact with my first alien. It took about 1 clip from a standard pistol to kill it. Somehow it wasn’t that scary anymore. In the movies the things eat bullets like a magnet and in this game they are just too...easy. When the fear was gone, it was basically like work to get through the campaign just to see what happens. Though 3 campaigns you will use the same stages over again but obviously at different times as you never run into any of the other 2 player characters. I must say that out of the 3 campaigns, I enjoyed the Predator’s campaign the most, just because of the variety. You can basically only do things one way with the alien, and while it starts out as a lot of fun, later on it becomes a bit mundane and the marine missions are just uggghhh. Could have been better if the xeno and pred missions were longer.

11. SCRAP BOX ZOMBIES GOES NUTS FOR BRAINS Kindergarden Scarface Concert http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uovMpapeCJQ Pervert Chemicals http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ludEngkwMu8 All about the Look http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x89xAXHd2l8 Top 10 Low Pass Flyby's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Dr2ZB36p9Y