Emotions in Conflict
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Emotions in Conflict. Chapter Six. Emotions. States of feelings We experience emotions when our feelings and sensibilities are triggered. Designed to move through the body. Emotions.
Emotions in Conflict
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Emotions in Conflict Chapter Six
Emotions • States of feelings • We experience emotions when our feelings and sensibilities are triggered. • Designed to move through the body
Emotions • Constructive conflict resolution depends on our ability to work with and transform, not close off or repress, human emotion
Feelings • Are facts • Are neither right or wrong, they just are
Emotions Defined • Both intrapersonal and interpersonal • We feel some type of strong emotion when we feel or perceived to be attacked
Intensity of emotions varies through the conflict process • Self protective emotions tend to be from the right brain • Prosocial or soft emotions come from the left brain • We experience emotion as good or bad • Our identity is at stake, thus we experience emotions • With maturity we define ourselves less by the outcome of each conflict because we have a better sense of who we are • Relationships are defined by the kind of emotion expressed
Misconceptions of Emotion • Page 200
Functions of Emotions - Adaptation • Motivation depends on emotions – the reason for our actions is rooted in our feelings • Each discrete emotion serves different functions in organizing perception, cognitions, and actions for coping and creative endeavors • Significant personal situations trigger organized patterns of emotions
Functions of Emotions – Adaptation, cont. • People develop emotion-behavior patterns early in life and build on them • Individual personalities are built upon the blocks of emotion-behavior patterns • While emotions help people adapt to community life, they also trigger difficult behavior in response to certain triggers
Emotions • Hard, closed or negative emotions • Positive, vulnerable or prosocial emotions
Functions of Negative Emotions • The functions of anger • Angry emotions threaten most people • Anger is the feeling connected to a perceived unfairness or injustice • Anger helps people set boundaries and to right wrongs • Anger can be a wake-up call, a motivator, and an energerizer – a source of empowerment for the person who feels it
Functions of Negative Emotion – Fear and Anxiety • Fear leads people to avoid • Fear does not necessarily lead to flight • Fear sometimes disables the physical and emotional system • Threat is often personal and psychological • We feel threats to our integrity, or our sense of well-being, or the painful threat of loss of a person, position, or role we value • Fear makes us experience vulnerability
Functions of Negative Emotions –Sadness and Depression • Sadness can strengthen social bonds • Unrelieved sadness may create anger over a long time; this may in turn into depression • Some gender differences in sadness • Women are more likely to express sadness and cover up anger • Men are more likely to express anger and cover up sadness
Disgust, Contempt and Revulsion • Emotions that move to expel something noxious or repulsive • Disgust is an emotion we need to feel, reflect upon and not communicate about until we understand and process the raw emotion
Shame and Guilt • When you act in a way that is incompatible with your own standards, your ideal self, or your own sociocultural values, you may feel these emotions • Shaming others usually leads to defensiveness, and works poorly for conflict resolution
Positive Emotions in Conflict Resolution • When people feel positive emotions such as interest, joy, altruism, hope, sympathy and empathy, the are more likely to think creatively • For example: eating a meal together helps people relax and think of their opponents as people who want to solve problems • Interest in the other person and the problem, as well as oneself brings us closer to the other so we can solve problems
Warrior of the Heart • Learn to be aware • Remain compassionate • Have courage to bring painful truths into a relationship • Be willing to be vulnerable
Working with Emotions • Express Anger Responsibly • Verbally state the anger • Work to find the stimulus for the anger • Agree that you will never attack each other • Use the X-Y-Z formula for Clarity • When you do X, in situation Y, I feel Z • Actively Listen to Emotional Communication • When someone is upset with you, he or she needs to express that feeling or the feeling will turn into resentment, despair, sadness, or some other emotion
Working with Emotions • Protect yourself from verbal abuse • When another’s expression of anger, rage, or contempt burns out of control, you have a responsibility to protect yourself • Never try to argue with a person who is engaged in verbal abuse • Verbal abuse lowers the dignity and self-esteem of all parties • Use Fractionation • Use positive language to work with strong emotion
Personal Responsibility for Emotional Transformation • The only one we can deeply influence is ourself • You have to care about the relationship