Chapter 10:

1. Chapter 10: Constructing an Adult Life

2. Emerging Adulthood: Scanning a New Developed World Life Stage Lasts from 18 through the late 20s, devoted to constructing an adult life Why so long to get there? Life expectancy gains: Now that we routinely live to our 70s or 80s, we have the luxury of putting off adult commitments to an older age. More intense educational requirements: Most of us go to college and�with so many of us working to finance college�it can take till our mid 20s to get an undergraduate degree. Cultural norms stressing �finding ourselves�: We believe that we need to try out the possibilities so we can be SURE of what we want before we settle down. .

3. A Time of Huge Variability Between individuals: We reach the markers of adulthood-being self supporting; finding a mate; and having children- at very different ages. (Poll your class!) Between cultures: In non-western societies people may not go through this life stage. Depending on socioeconomic status: Affluent emerging adults can enjoy exploring the world; if you are working full time to finance school your emerging years can be an exhausting time. PLUS: U.S. emerging adults often move backward and forward on the way to constructing an adult life (see next slide).

4. In the UNITED STATES the Path to Constructing an Adult Life Can Be Erratic But emerging adulthood differs in interesting ways in different nations.

5. Emerging in Italy: A Difficult Time The Italians put a premium on hiring men (and women) with families, so its hard for young people to get a good job. There are strong norms against cohabitating and against unwed mothers. So many Italian young people live in the nest during their 20s. Reaching full adulthood � and having the financial ability to leave home- often does not happen until the 30s.

6. Emerging in Sweden: A time of true exploration Nest leaving routinely occurs at age 18 Why? College is financed by the government. Employers make an effort to hire the young. In Sweden, the 20s are often a time to explore, travel, and enjoy life. Plus, in Sweden there is no stigma about cohabiting or having children before being married. So living together outside of marriage is common.

7. Nest Leaving: Some Other U.S. Facts Traditionally our norm is to leave the house at 18, but today many 20 somethings must return to the nest periodically on the way to constructing an adult life. Parents and children accept these re-entries but can sometimes get anxious about this off time event. Nest leaving is not a collectivist value; so ethnic minority emerging adults and their parents are more likely to live together. Statistically speaking, guys tend to stay in the nest longer and feel more comfortable about living (being taken care of ???) by mom and dad.

8. Exploring the social clock We pace our progress through adulthood through shared age norms of where we need to be in life at a given age. Are we on-time (on schedule) or off-time (either too early or too late) for what we- and society- expect at our age? Being off-time in the late direction can cause physical and mental stress. (Help! I haven�t begun my career and I�m already 45!!) The social clock norms vary depending on the culture and time in which we live. Do you agree with the mid-1990s social clock norms on the next page?

9. Do you agree with these social clock norms?

10. Emerging Adulthood is a stressful (and exciting) time The fact: Most adult mental disorders are at their peak in the early 20s. Some outer-world reasons why: This is when �the rubber meets the road� and we confront the reality of making it in life. This is when we need to decide who to be as an adult--- or, in Erikson�s words, construct an IDENTITY .

11. Constructing an Identity Eric Erikson�s Identity versus Role Confusion We need a period of moratorium to find the right adult path. Identity confusion-- the sense that there is nothing I want to do� creates tremendous anxiety. James Marcia�s 4 identity statuses Diffusion= adrift, aimless, without any sense of having an adult future. (Comparable to Erikson�s role confusion) Foreclosure= given an identity from another person. (�My dad says I should be a doctor, so that�s what I�ll do.�) Moratorium= Actively exploring possible identities (�Let me try X, Y and Z. I�m so interested in all of these careers!� ) Achievement= Identity formation complete. ( I found my life calling! I know exactly what I want to do.)

12. Critiques : Do we ever permanently reach achievement? Aren�t our identities evolving as we travel through life? Can�t we be in different identity statuses in specific facets of our life? Isn�t searching for our individual identity a culturally bound idea? In much of the world, people don�t have the luxury of choosing a life path. Bicultural Identities: Identifies with one�s traditional culture and the western global society--- a classic situation for young people in the developing world and among developed world immigrant emerging adults.

13. Constructing a Career: Findings from Studies of Childhood and the Teenage years Teenagers have high career goals. Unfortunately, they can be set up for disappointment as they emerge into adulthood and realize they can�t be doctors or rock stars. One key to predicting being in diffusion or making a smooth career transition is whether a teen is a worker (enjoys being productive) or a player (only liking leisure). However, many high school players do become workers when they find a satisfying career. Bottom line: EMERGING ADULTHOOD IS WHEN WE CHANGE THE MOST AS PEOPLE!!!

14. Finding Flow Flow= feeling of being totally absorbed in an activity, at the peak of your powers Time flies by unnoticed. You are extremely intrinsically motivated. Occurs when there is just the right person-environment fit�an activity is highly challenging and yet matches your abilities. The activities where we experience flow are a good tip off to potential careers. Bottom line: Use your �flow states� to alert you to the fields you might enjoy. .

15. The Non -College Career Path Although most US high school students enter college, only roughly 1 in 4 graduate. People who go directly from high school to work often enter the secondary labor market, jobs with few benefits and low pay. The key to constructing a satisfying non-college career is to undertake a moratorium search and find a job that gives you flow. Sometimes taking time off to work right after high school makes you a more focused, better student later!

16. The School to Work Transition Problems with the U.S. approach Today, we encourage everyone to go to college. This sets many non-academically inclined kids up for failure. Today, we do little to help people make the transition from school to work. We leave them to find jobs on their own. Some interesting alternatives The German plan: Instead of going to college, young people enter an apprentice program that guarantees a job in that field. The Japanese plan: Instead of there being a separation between what happens at school and work, employers develop relationships with schools and hire students that the faculty recommends.

17. Career Search Tips Don�t go right to college, especially if academics is not your thing. Develop a track record at work; and then perhaps go back later. Search for a job where you feel a sense of flow. Conduct an active moratorium career search by reaching out to people for advice and exploring potential careers. Understand that it may take a number of years�and trial jobs- before you find your ideal career identity.

18. Getting the Most from College Immerse yourself in the college scene. Try to live on campus or close to school; join organizations; if possible, avoid working long hours. Connect your classes to potential careers. Set up internships or research experiences with faculty. Make connections with professors. Reach out to at least one professor and be sure to see your advisor every semester. (If that advisor seems distant, ask a favorite professor to be your advisor!) Use these moratorium years to get to know people of different religions and ethnicities.

19. Predicting College Success: A Flow Chart

20. Finding Love For most of history parents selected our mates. Within the past 25 years, the landscape of love is changing in these interesting ways: We now have virtual dating�meeting your mate on the internet. We have much more cross-ethnic and interracial dating. Same sex relationships are much more acceptable. People often cohabit (or live together) before getting married.

21. Coming Out to Mom and Dad Most gay young people tell a good friend first about their sexual orientation, not their parents, but many do come out to their families (at an average US age of about 19). Most parents accept, love, and rally around their gay daughters and sons, after a difficult period of coming to terms with their child�s sexual orientation. However, each person�s situation is unique. Diversity of parent-child relationships is the norm. Bottom line for gay emerging adults: It may not be as �bad� as you expect, but trust your gut instincts about how your parents will respond.

22. Cohabitation is on the rise

23. Cohabitation: A Fact Sheet People cohabit at every age but the prime cohabitation zone is between the ages of 18 and 25 . Cohabitation is fulfilling the intimacy needs we used to get from marriage, but in a less �committed way�. Correlational studies show couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce� but this does NOT mean that living together causes divorce. People cohabit for different reasons; some as a way station on the pathway to being wed; some without any thought of marrying. Bottom line- Don�t buy into the stereotype that living together makes for a bad marriage!

24. Murstein�s Structured Three Phase Mate Selection Theory 1) Stimulus Phase We approach people who visually appear to fit us: �I think this person looks like we might mesh.� 2) Value Comparison Phase Then as we date we try to figure out whether we match up according to values. 3) Role Phase Now we have decided that this is the one, and discuss our plans for our shared life. BOTTOM LINE: We match up by Homogamy or similarity

25. More About Homogamy We tend to gravitate to similar others: Through a passive process� Example: �At that 40,000 dollar a year private college, your family can afford, you are likely to meet other upper middle class kids who share your lifestyle�. Through an active process� As you choose to get involved in saving the whales or working for the College Republicans, you meet �like minded people�. Also your social network fosters homogamy: If your family and friends like your mate (and you like your family and friends!) your relationship is more likely to develop and progress.

26. BUT LOVE RELATIONSHIPS ARE LESS STRUCTURED AND RATIONAL, TOO People in more enduring, happy relationships see their loved ones through rose-colored glasses (thinking they are unrealistically perfect). Event-driven relationships (REPEATEDLY breaking up; getting back together, and then breaking up) is not a good sign. Don�t think that if things didn�t work it�s the fault of your personality or even your partner�. Random events influence the course of relationships, too.

27. Homogamy

28. The Impact of Personality: Adult Attachment Styles Basic premise: Just as with children, we can categorize adults into distinctive attachment styles Preoccupied/ ambivalent (insecure) Clingy; needy; over engulfing Avoidant/dismissive (insecure) Withholding; aloof; distant Securely attached Joyfully able to reach out in love Responsive to a mate�s signals More likely to have happy marriages or be involved in enduring relationships

29. Do Attachment Styles Shift? Sometimes Self-fulfilling prophecies help keep attachment styles stable. Clingy people tend to be rejected more often. Avoidant people tend to remain isolated. A secure individual lives in an atmosphere of love. Still, attachment styles can and do change Being in a loving relationship can make us secure. After experiencing a traumatic love affair we can temporarily become insecure.

30. Evaluating your own relationship