Love and Well-Being

1. Love and Well-Being CiciliaEviGradDiplSc., M. Psi

2. What is Love? • Romantic love  predominant factor in psychological and physical well-being • Positive relationship  one of the most significant predictors of happiness and life satisfaction • Love has property that helps us adapt (bio) • Social animals  need to be involved in groups  form tight, close, supportive bonds • Protect those who close to us, especially our children

3. Marriage and Well-Being • Higher self-reported happiness and life satisfaction • Consistently happier and healthier than single people  across all ages, income levels, education levels, racial and ethnic groups • Marriage is the only really significant bottom-up predictor of life satisfaction  for both men and women

4. A significant predictor of subjective WB • Marriages that have more positive interactions, emotional expressiveness and greater role sharing seem to be associated with greater life satisfaction • One important variable: Self-Disclosure • Provide emotional intimacy, trust and openness • Negative side: most frequently reported triggers for depressions!

5. Interesting findings • Single men are less happy than single women • Married men are as happy or happier than married women • 59% of men rated their love life as ‘Perfect 10’ • Only 47% women rated their love that high

6. Marriage and Physical Fitness • Positive marital relationships may be associated with: • Longevity • Lower blood pressure, lower physiological reactivity to negative interactions • Greater in men  fewer infectious diseases and live longer  just by getting married • For women  need a good quality of marriage

7. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love Intimacy Passion Commitment

8. All the 3 components often progress differently across lifespan • Passion is very high at the beginning • Intimacy increase steadily over time • Commitment may start out very low, but increases over time and reaching the highest point to remain steady • Bias? Ageism?

10. Finding Romance, Intimacy and Love • Have to be attracted to each other  important variables: • Proximity  feel comfortable and attracted when they spend time near each other • Physical attractiveness  only at initial attraction • Attitude similarity (homogamy)  basic values, philosophy of life • Mutual exchange of positive evaluations  create interpersonal cycle of risking self-disclosure, being validated by partner, trusted and risking more …

11. Relationship Satisfaction • What makes relationships good? • Intrapersonal factors  something about one or both of the partners • Interpersonal factors  something about the relationship between the two people • Environmental influences  external factors that impact the relationships in +/- way

12. Personality Traits • Most wanted: healthy personality  confidence, integrity, warmth, kindness, intelligence, dependability, emotional stability, a good sense of humor, loyalty and being affectionate • Predictor of poor relationship: Neuroticism • When people are persistently anxious, worried, fearful and suffer from very low self-esteem • Inhibit capacity to love and to be loved • In individual level  determined by smaller unique behaviors

13. Attributions • Judgment we make about the causes of behaviors • Fundamental attributions error • Other people’s behavior  their personality trait (‘too self centered’) • Our behavior  temporary aspects (‘under current stress’) • Using different attributions for different positive and negative behaviors

14. Positive Romantic Illusions • Love is blind! • Positive illusions  characteristics in successful relationships • Positive bias toward oneself sense of happiness • Idealized partner’s attributes, exaggerated belief about control in relationships  happier couple! • Increase self-esteem • Validation and being supportive  negotiating areas of self-evaluation • Not based on avoidance of important information, denial or attempts to escape conflicts

15. Interpersonal Factors • NBC Polling  more time together (31%), better communication (30%), less worries about money (21%), more romance (6%), and more sex (3%) • Dissatisfied couples  express more disagreement, less humor and laughter, negative emotions, fewer positive comments, and more criticism • Bids for attention  small gestures that help each person stay connected to each other

16. Environmental/Social Factors • Parental paradox  when marital satisfaction drops due to arrival of the children – BUT parental satisfaction rises up  until the phase of ‘empty nest’ • Esp after first child  mother is anxious about being a good mother, of taking care of the child • But, when husband is showing fondness and each person keeps on paying attention to each other  no decline in marital satisfaction

17. Seven Qualities of A Successful Marriage • My spouse is my best friend • I like my spouse as a person • I believe that marriage is a long-term commitment • We agree on aims and goals • My spouse has grown more interesting over the years • I want the relationship to succeed • Marriage is a sacred institution

18. What Hurts Relationships? • Conflict  #1 cause of marital dissolution • Hostile relationships  anger, recriminations, accusations, hostility • Demand-withdraw pattern (Gottman & Gottman, 1999)four steps: • Criticism and complaining from one partner, which results in; • A sense of contempt from the other, that; • Leads to defensiveness, and • End with withdrawal

19. If the withdrawal is so extreme  one leaves the room or withdraws attention in a passive-aggressive and hostile attempt to punish one’s partner  stonewalling • Divorce is determined by: level of marital satisfaction, presence of negative affects during conflicts, lack of positive affect in day-to-day interactions, the number of thoughts about divorce, number of bad memories, and the demand-withdrawn communication pattern • One negative act WILL ERASE 5-20 kindness acts!

20. Social and Cultural Factors • Social expectations  cause unseen stress • Shifting and changeable emotional quality of relationships • Cultural  polygamy, polyandry, arranged marriage