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Parenting 101. Finally, a manual just for new parents! From burping & bathing, to choosing the perfect babysitter. Introduction. Parents have the most important job in the world!
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Parenting 101 Finally, a manual just for new parents! From burping & bathing, to choosing the perfect babysitter.
Parents have the most important job in the world! On the first day of a new job, you’re given a procedures manual which will help you solve any problems you may come across in that position. Why is it there is no such manual for becoming a parent?! Take heart, “PARENTING 101: A CRASH COURSE FOR NEW PARENTS” is here to help you cope!
Career Objective: To raise a normal, bright, healthy, well-adjusted, independent, refined, clever, rational, sensitive, wise, reasonable, resourceful, thoughtful, perceptive, courteous, astute human being who will be an outstanding member of our society. (Without making any mistakes)
A. Physical Requirements: • Be able to make a five second dash to baby’s room from any room in the house. • Know and be able to use the proper diapering procedure. • Be aware and use accordingly the proper burping techniques. • Know and use proper bathing techniques.
A. Physical Requirements Cont’ • Be able to execute the ‘3 in 1’ – talking on the phone, holding baby, and changing the TV with your toes. • Be able to eat and hold baby without dropping food or spilling drink on him. • The ability to function safely and efficiently with little or no sleep.
A. Physical Requirements Cont’ • Calf roping skills needed while changing the “active” baby’s diaper. • Balance beam skills needed while holding baby and picking up things with your toes. • Be able to assemble baby bottle components in less than 3 seconds.
Mental Requirements • Be able to change a poo poo diaper in the middle of breakfast. • Learn how to be wide awake in two seconds for those middle of the night awakenings. • Be able to keep a sense of humor at all times! • Be able to tolerate any body secretions that may fall on, in, or be projected at you.
II. Policies, Practices & Benefits
We are an Equal Opportunity Employer. Hours You will be required to work 24 hour days, and you will be on call at night, on weekends, and during holidays. Coffee Break You will be allowed one coffee break during the day somewhere between laundry, errands, meals, cleaning, phone calls, doctor visits, grocery shopping, budgeting and daily child care.
Attendance Your presence is critical in order for your domestic structure to continue in a smooth working order. Absences Absences are not tolerated well by household members and often result in pink laundry. You will be required to report to work during minor illnesses such as: the flu, common colds, PMS, and respiratory infections. Unless, you have an order from the U.S. Supreme Court, a physician’s report and an excuse from your husband you will be expected to report to work. However, in the event of a serious illness or injury you will be given the maximum time off – 2 days.
Personal Days Time off will be granted under the following conditions: military leave, national guard reserve, your own death and jury duty. However, you will be required to give six months notice and you will be responsible for finding an appropriate replacement for your job. Dress Code Unlike the parents on TV you are not encouraged to wear formal clothing, including high heels, sequin dresses, suit and tie, while performing your duties. You should wear practical, comfortable clothing that will hold up well to the abuses of baby food, numerous baby body fluids and thousands of washings.
Benefits • Holidays The majority of your holidays will be spent visiting relatives you haven’t seen since YOU were a baby. Your baby will be showered with thousands of gifts and you will have to rent a U-Haul to get back home safely.
Benefits Vacation Vacations are mandatory; however, the word vacation may take on a new meaning. A vacation may be a trip to the grocery store all by yourself, a long, hot bath without the optional child, or a metal vacation to Hawaii, the Caribbean or Europe.
Benefits Pay Day Your job cannot be measured monetarily. However, research has shown that if the average parent was paid for the various jobs they perform they are worth $40,000 a year. You will be paid thousands of times over that monetary amount with Kodak moments. Your bonus checks will be the most rewarding, those special times when only you can make it all better.
A. Bathing Your Newborn Object: To successfully hold your slippery, limp newborn with one hand and clean him with the other hand, while providing a secure environment.
Bathing Methods • Foam Rubber Mat – placed in the bath tub. This method can be hazardous to your back and provides the least secure environment. • Baby Bathtub – used on a table or used in the kitchen sink. This is better method for saving your back, but it is still hard to hold on to your slippery newborn, and most of the time you end up with more water on you and the floor than on your baby.
Bathing Methods Cont’ • Take a Bath with Baby! – The only method for saving your back, and it provides the most secure environment for your newborn! • Spit-Bath – when you need to clean up baby in a hurry and you don’t have much time. For example, your mother-in-law called and said, “We just happened to be in the area and we’re dying to see our little grandbaby; well be there in five minutes!” When you find yourself in this situation use diaper wipes to clean your baby and help give him that fresh all over feeling.
Bathing Frequency: • Most new parents bathe their newborn at the same time every day. Do they really need a bath every day? All they do for the first couple of months is sleep and eat. It’s not like they are running around outside eating bugs and playing in the dirt. That comes later. You are not a bad, neglectful parent if you don’t bathe your newborn every day! Every parent skips a bath every now and then, but they would never admit it. That is what’s so great about being a parent – you get to set the rules!
B. Diapering Procedures • Step 1: Place baby on changing surface. • Step 2: Carefully unfasten dirty diaper. • Step 3: (A) If your baby is a girl, proceed to STEP 4 (B) If your baby is a boy, quickly place a cloth over genital area. • Step 4: (A) If baby is wet proceed to Step 5 (B) If baby has made a dirty diaper simply clean the area with diaper wipes.
B. Diapering Procedures Cont’ • Step 5: Gently lift the baby up by grabbing his ankles with one hand, and remove the soiled diaper. • Step 6: Quickly and accurately place a new diaper down on the changing surface, making sure that the tapes are in the back (if you are using disposables) and that the new diaper is directly under the baby’s bottom.
B. Diapering Procedures Cont’ • Step 7:Fold diaper up and secure. • ***Note: If you have a baby boy and forget to remove cloth go back to Step 1.
C. Burping Your Baby • Whether you breast-feed or bottle-feed your baby, you should burp him. Burping helps alleviate any air bubbles that could cause gas in the stomach. Following are some common burping techniques that you may find helpful.
Over The Shoulder • This technique is quite successful. Place the baby’s head on your shoulder with his abdomen on your chest and pat gently. If after several minutes, no disgusting guttaral sounds are heard, you can assume that there are no bubbles present at this time. • (Disadvantage) – The caretaker is often unaware of the white, runny substance that has dribbled out of the baby’s mouth and down their back.
Lap burping • Simply position baby face down on your lap with his stomach across your legs and tap gently on his back. • (Disadvantage) – Due to gravitational forces the results are often more than expected!
Sitting Position • The most popular form of burping; place baby in sitting position supporting his head with one hand under his chin and with the other hand pat gently on his back. • (Disadvantage) – This method usually produces louder burps and should only be used when you are around unwanted guests.
D. Care of the Umbilical Cord or Belly Button • Newborns don’t become real babies until they have belly-buttons. The umbilicus is the part of the umbilical cord that remains on the baby. It is very important to clean the umbilicus daily and to keep it dry. It will eventually dry up and fall off.
Step 1: When diapering your newborn fold the diaper down and then tape it to keep the umbilicus dry. Step 2: Use alcohol and cotton balls or Q-tips to clean around the umbilicus. Simply apply the alcohol to the cotton and squeeze the alcohol onto the umbilicus and then take a Q-tip and clean around the outer edges. Step 3: Most new parents stop at step 2. You MUST proceed with step 3, You MUST lift up the umbilicus and clean UNDER it!!. Even when half of it is still attached and the other half is just hanging there, you, you must continue to clean it in this manner until it finally fall off, and then you are confronted with another problem. “What am I supposed to do with it?”
New parents often discover “tricks of the trade” while caring for their babies. Some of the more ingenious ideas were discovered by accident while others were the result of sheer desperation. Listed below are some creative ideas and helpful advice from peer parents.
Bath Time: • If you use baby lotion after bath time, put the bottle of lotion in the bathtub with baby, and when it’s time to apply the lotion it will be nice and warm. • When giving your baby girl a bath wash her hair last; this helps prevent infections that are caused from prolonged exposure to the chemicals in shampoos and conditioners.
Bath Time Cont’ • Keep a watering can in the bathroom – it comes in handy when washing hair and it also makes a fun bath toy. • To control all the bath toys that accumulate in the bathroom find a large wicker basket with a lid and place it near the bathtub.
Bed Time: • Your baby is fast asleep, but every time you put him in the bed he wakes up! Try placing a heating pad on the mattress, while putting baby back to sleep, and when it’s time to try again, remove the heating pad and place baby on the warm spot. • Don’t tiptoe around baby at nap time; continue making normal sounds during the day and evening.
Crying: • Don’t let your newborn baby cry; babies cry for a reason. • To keep a newborn from losing his pacifier while in a reclined position, like an infant seat, place a cloth diaper or blanket under his chin and halfway over the pacifier then tuck the ends of the blanket under baby’s shoulders.
Crying Cont’ • Baby is crying and you’ve tried everything? Take baby to the sink and let him watch running water. Sometimes babies are calmed by the sound of running water. • Try putting him in infant seat and place it on top of the dryer. The sound, rhythm and warmth of the dryer seem to have a calming effect.
Crying Cont’ • Use a music box to quiet a crying baby. • Go for a little drive – the sound and rhythm of a car will sometimes help put baby to sleep. • Try swaddling your baby to keep him from crying. Place a receiving blanket in a diamond position. Fold the bottom corner up, wrap one side around baby gently tucking in the ends, and wrap the remaining side around. • Place him in a Snuggli and vacuum the house. • Baby is still crying! Bring a rocking chair in the bathroom, turn the shower on, and rock gently.
Diapering: • If your baby is sensitive to diaper wipes try using a spray bottle filled with warm water, and use tissues and baby oil to clean his bottom. • If you have a baby boy keep a dry washcloth nearby during diaper changes to intercept any surprises that may come your way!
Feeding: • Disposable diapers make great bottle insulators. Wrap a bottle in a clean diaper and secure the tapes around it. This will keep the milk cool for up to two hours. • Don’t feed you baby when he’s lying flat; it helps to prevent ear infections. • Follow your baby’s lead – don’t watch the clock!
Feeding Cont’ • If you ever find yourself without a bib, try using a disposable diaper. Just tape the diaper, with the plastic side up, on the baby’s shoulders. It works great because you can wipe off any spills and reuse the diaper later. • When preparing your own baby food, pour the processed food into ice cube trays and freeze. The ice cube sized portions make great single servings.
On The Go: • When traveling in the car, tape interesting pictures, faces or graphic symbols to the back of your seat to keep baby from getting bored. • Jingle bells tied on baby’s shoes can help keep him entertained while traveling. • Time to go grocery shopping, and baby has learned to stand up in front of the cart. One way to keep him seated is to tie his shoelaces together. This prevents him from pulling up his legs.
On The Go Cont’ • If you are going out for the evening and want your baby to feel secure, take a blanket or cloth diaper, rub it on your neck and leave it with baby. You can also use clothing that you have worn. • Bring plenty of cassette tapes for baby to listen to while running errands in the car • If you’re traveling with an already loaded diaper bag you can save space if you use powdered formula. Place pre-measured amounts in plastic baggies, roll them up and secure with rubber bands.
On The Go Cont’ • Always take 50% more diapers than you think you’ll need when traveling long distances. This helps you to be prepared for unforeseen circumstances, such as when you are traveling by plane and your connecting flight gets canceled or your flight is held over due to bad weather. • When preparing the family for an outing (church, visiting family/friends, or the doctor’s office), always dress the baby last.
On The Go Cont’ • When one or both parents are going to be absent from the baby for an extended period of time (business trip, vacation or hospitalization) make a cassette tape of the person/persons reading or talking to the baby. The sound of their voice will be reassuring.
Teething: • There are several teething rings on the market, but what about when baby is getting his molars? Try freezing water in Popsicle molds; Tupperware molds work best, as they are long enough and thin enough to reach baby’s back teeth. • When baby is teething let him chew on a frozen banana. • Another way to relieve teething pain is to soak a washcloth in apple juice and freeze it. Not only will it feel good on the gums it will taste good too!
Miscellaneous: • To encourage your cautious toddler to walk, try placing Cheerios along the furniture. • When talking on the phone you can prevent “baby noise” by breast-feeding or bottle feeding young babies; with other children keep a box of “special” toys near the phone. • Just when you think that you can’t stand it any longer, your kid always grows out of what ever phase is driving you crazy. This is how we survive as parents.
Miscellaneous Cont’ • Be flexible. • Take time for yourself! • Take time to enjoy your children – the housework will always be there, but your children won’t! • If one thing doesn’t work try something else! • If you’re having trouble giving medicine to a young baby, try using a bottle nipple without the bottle! • While traveling tie toys, bottles and pacifiers to baby’s car seat with SHORT pieces of ribbon.
Miscellaneous Cont’ • Change your baby’s position in the crib or playpen from time to time so he isn’t always looking at the same things. Babies get bored too! • Tape magazine pictures of faces, bold designs or symbols around the inside of his bassinet or crib to keep baby visually stimulated. You can make you own abstract shapes using a black marker and white poster board.
Miscellaneous Cont’ • Always bring Tylenol to the doctor’s office. Give baby the Tylenol immediately after he receives his vaccination. It takes time for the medication to work and if you wait until you get home he may already be feverish and fussy. Be certain to ask your doctor what kind of Tylenol to use and what the proper dosage is for your baby.
