DATING: How to develop healthy relationships.

1. DATING: How to develop healthy relationships.

2. Components of healthy relationships: • Communication • Trust • Respect • Love

3. COMMUNICATION Conflict Resolution Skills How to Deal with Disagreements 1. Define the problem clearly from both points of view. 2. State what you can agree on. 3. Brainstorm together over all of the possible alternatives to the problem. 4. State what changes each of you is personally willing to make to arrive at a solution. 5. Summarize the best solution you have considered.

4. TRUST Trust is an extremely important aspect to a healthy relationship!

6. RESPECT On a practical level respect includes taking someone's feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and preferences into consideration. It means taking all of these seriously and giving them worth and value. In fact, giving someone respect seems similar to valuing them and their thoughts, feelings, etc. It also includes acknowledging them, listening to them, being truthful with them, and accepting their individuality and idiosyncrasies (quirkiness).

7. What does love mean to you? What is the difference between truly being in love and infatuation? Always remember sex does not = love!

8. What is Dating Violence? Dating violence is defined as the physical, sexual, psychological or emotional violence within a dating relationship.

9. Examples of Abuse in Dating Relationships Include: • Emotional Abuse: • Making a Partner Feel Insecure: name calling; put downs; criticisms; humiliating; attacking the person's capabilities; saying "Nobody wants you.” • Mind Games: making you feel guilty; making to feel crazy; blaming the partner for things that go wrong; having the partner wait by the phone. • Isolating the Dating Partner from friends & family: pressuring the partner to give up activities, sports, work, and hobbies; keeping tabs on the dating partner when they go out by calling or dropping by. • Using Intimidation: Breaking objects; punching walls; threatening looks; threatening to hurt the partner; threatening the partner's family, friends or pet; destroying treasured belongings. • Acting Extremely Jealous: not allowing the dating partner to talk to anyone of the opposite sex; accusing the partner of flirting or having sexual intercourse with others • Physical Abuse: • Shoving or pushing; squeezing a shoulder; restraining by holding a wrist or holding a hand tightly; shaking, pulling hair; slapping, punching; kicking; hitting; choking; pushing out of a car. • Sexual Abuse: • Any unwanted sexual contact, comments or gesturing within a relationship; manipulating a partner into doing something sexual that makes them feel uncomfortable.

11. Sophie Elliot Stabbed to death by a former boyfriend on January 9, 2008 Sophie died after being stabbed or cut 216 times Her mother described the "on-again, off-again" relationship between her daughter and her boyfriend. Conversations she had with her daughter in which Sophie told her of put-downs from him, a series of arguments, an assault that happened in his flat a week before her death and how he had told her she had ruined his chances of becoming a lecturer at the university. .

12. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU! What can you do yourself? • Go to a safe place - remove yourself from the situation • Get help - call police, friend, family, therapist, teacher, guidance counselor • Think seriously about your situation - you may think you can handle it … but think twice to be sure.

13. How to Help a Friend Who is Being Abused • Listen to what your friend has to say. Don't be Judgmental! Don't make them feel ashamed. They probably feel bad enough already. • Tell your friend that you are available when they need to talk . • Make it clear that you care, and that you are worried. • Talk in private and don't gossip about what your friend has confided. • Let the person know why you are concerned. • Be specific. Refer to certain incidents you have witnessed and not to the relationship in general. • Talk about what you saw and how it made you feel . • Tell them the ways you believe the specific behavior is having an impact on them - "When she put you down you seemed embarrassed and then you made excuses for what she did." Or "When he was yelling you seemed frightened.”

14. When to Talk to an Adult • Who should you talk to? • Sit down privately with your friend and come up with the right person together. Write down what you need from the adult, what you want them to be like. Make sure the adult you choose has your best interest at heart. It might be a parent, a teacher, a school counselor, a coach, or a friend's parent. • If you think your friend is in physical danger , but he or she doesn't want to seek any help, go ahead and tell an adult you trust. If you think the person's at serious risk, tell him or her you are going to go to an adult, and then do it.

15. Personal Rights in a Relationship THE RIGHT to refuse requests without having to feel guilty or selfish. THE RIGHT to express my feelings, including anger, as long as I don't violate the rights of others. THE RIGHT to be competitive and to achieve. THE RIGHT to have my needs be as important as the needs of other people. THE RIGHT to decide which activities will fulfill my needs. THE RIGHT to make mistakes and be responsible for them. THE RIGHT to have my opinions given the same respect and consideration as others'. THE RIGHT to change my mind. THE RIGHT to be independent. THE RIGHT to be treated respectfully. THE RIGHT to be cooperative and giving and not be taken advantage of. THE RIGHT to be safe.

16. What You Need to Remember Any kind of abuse it NOT your fault. You don’t deserve being treated this way. You should always be safe. NO means NO

18. Dating Violence Facts • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year. • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence. • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend. • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse. • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.  • Violent relationships in adolescence can have serious ramifications by putting the victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence. • Being physically or sexually abused makes teen girls six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to get a STI. • Half of youth who have been victims of both dating violence and rape attempt suicide, compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys.

19. Facts Cont. • Eight states currently do not include dating relationships in their definition of domestic violence. As a result, young victims of dating abuse often cannot apply for restraining orders. • New Hampshire is the only state where the law specifically allows a minor of any age to apply for a protection order; more than half of states do not specify the minimum age of a petitioner. • Currently only one juvenile domestic violence court in the country focuses exclusively on teen dating violence. • Only 33% of teens who were in a violent relationship ever told anyone about the abuse. • Eighty one percent of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue. • A teen’s confusion about the law and their desire for confidentiality are two of the most significant barriers stopping young victims of abuse from seeking help.