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Potent Parenting

Potent Parenting. Dr. Steven Craig & Dr. Ronna Smith-Craig Craig Counseling Services Birmingham, MI. What are we going to cover today?. Ideas about developing a philosophy or guideline for parenting Various parenting approaches A specific method for thinking about your parenting approach.

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Potent Parenting

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  1. Potent Parenting Dr. Steven Craig & Dr. Ronna Smith-Craig Craig Counseling Services Birmingham, MI

  2. What are we going to cover today? • Ideas about developing a philosophy or guideline for parenting • Various parenting approaches • A specific method for thinking about your parenting approach

  3. What is Parenting? Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child – from infancy to adulthood.

  4. Importance of having a goal or philosophy of parenting • Gives you a guide for the long-term • Helps you to not just to REACT to behavior and situations • Helps you be CONSISTENT in your parenting

  5. there are many Common Parenting Approaches

  6. “Spiritual Parenting Model” • Respect the child's individuality • Make space for the child to develop a sense of their own beliefs • Focuses on the child’s individual personality and their own potential

  7. “Slow Parenting Model” • Less planning and organizing for children • Allow children to enjoy their childhood • Explore the world at their own pace

  8. “Strict Parenting” • Authoritarian approach • Places strong value on “discipline” • Focuses on preparing children to survive and thrive in a harsh world

  9. “Attachment Parenting Model” • Seeks to create strong emotional bonds • Avoids physical punishment and accomplishes discipline through interactions • Recognizes a child's emotional needs • Focuses on holistic understanding of the child

  10. No “One Method Fits All” Your parenting approach will depend on: • Your child’s temperament, interests, skills, motivations • Your (and your co-parent’s) temperament, motivations and your own comfort levels • Your family situation

  11. A Tale of Two Boys Part One

  12. A Tale of Two Boys Part Two

  13. Beneficial Parental Behaviors We know children benefit when their parents: • Communicate honestly and give clear explanations • Stay CONSISTENT • Provide structure, routines, and clear expectations • Use community resources • Take an active interest in child's educational and early developmental needs • Have a strong awareness of what child is doing/learning …and how it affects them

  14. Approaches to Discipline • Rules of traffic • Instructional approach • Parents explain how to behave with little explanation of deeper moral and social implications • Fine gardening • Belief that children have positive and negative qualities • Parents "weed out" or "prune” away negative qualities.

  15. Approaches to Discipline (continued) • Reward and punishment • Desired behavior  reward or praise • Unwanted behavior  punishment or reprimand • Concerted cultivation • Foster children's talents through organized leisure activities • Parents challenge their children to think critically and to speak properly and frequently, especially with other adults.

  16. someParenting Spectrums Rules/Expectations Spectrum Involvement Spectrum

  17. Rules/Expectations Spectrum

  18. Authoritarian Style Authoritarian Parenting Style Attributes Children raised according to this style often: Are moody, unfriendly, unhappy Exhibit undesirable behaviors Have problems in social situations and in school • Demands obedience • Results in punishment • Roles and expectations are rigid • Children have little input • “Patriarchal” style

  19. Permissive Style Permissive Parenting Style Attributes Children raised according to this style are often: Impulsive Aggressive Rebellious Underachieving • Little structure, few rules • Parents lenient toward misbehavior • Children set the roles, rules and expectations • Parents avoid conflict with children • Punishment rarely used to enforce rules and expectations

  20. Authoritative Style Authoritative ParentingStyle Attributes Children raised according to this style often: Are energetic Exhibit self-reliance Strive to achieve • Clear roles and expectations • Children are allowed input • Reason and authority used, but child’s perspective is considered • Parents monitor instead of “rule”

  21. Involvement Spectrum

  22. Rejecting Parenting Characteristics ofRejecting Parents Children raised according to this style often: Feel unwanted Develop serious psychological problems Are underachieving • Parent REJECTS the role of parenting • Fails to pay attention to the child’s needs • Too involved meeting own needs and wants

  23. Over-Involved Parenting Characteristics ofOver-involved Parents Children raised according to this style are often: Dependent Anxious Underachieving • Hovering (“Helicopter Parent”) • Fail to allow child to make decisions or meet their own needs • Interrupt child’s ability to function independently

  24. Involved Parenting Characteristics ofInvolved Parents Children raised according to this style often: Tend to be respectful of self and others Tend to have resourceful behavior • Balanced style • Parents meet child’s needs • Allow child responsibility for age-appropriate self-care and personal growth • Attentive to child • Do notdo for child what he/she is capable of doing for self

  25. Questions or Comments Approaches to Parenting

  26. One Model of Parenting A spectrum of roles

  27. Spectrum of Involvement Most Least Roles of a Parent

  28. Appropriateness of Parent’s Role Changes • With the age of your child • With safety/seriousness of given situation Minor hassle……………………………………………………...Major disaster

  29. Least involved form of parenting • Trust child’s ability to handle given situation • Most appropriate for competent kids with non-urgent problems • Child learns within "safe" circumstances • Sympathetic listening • No unwanted advice, as long as circumstances remain "safe"

  30. Parent's advice may be accepted or rejected by child • Use when child has some competence, but mistakes could be more seriously or permanently harmful to self or others • Not appropriate when child doesn't have the option to reject advice • Parent shouldn't repeat "advice" over and over • Helpful to get child to "buy into" receiving advice beforehand • Helpful to set the stage before offering advice

  31. More intrusive parenting role • Use when child needs step-by-step help with a problem or situation • Allow child input in the problem-solving process and/or choices made • Active listening is still important • This role may also involve the roles of Observer or Director at times

  32. Most intrusive form of parenting --“The Buck Stops Here” • Choose when: • A problem is serious enough • Safety is a major concern • The problem directly and seriously violates someone else's rights

  33. Requires: • Clear thinking • Emotional self-control on your part • Hard work • Clear limits and clear consequences • Use less frequently with older children

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