The Formation of Cohabiting Unions: New Perspectives From Qualitative Data Pamela J. Smock

1. The Formation of Cohabiting Unions: New Perspectives From Qualitative Data Pamela J. Smock Department of Sociology & Population Studies Center, Institute for Social Research University of Michigan Wendy D. Manning Department of Sociology & Center for Family and Demographic Research Bowling Green State University The research was supported by grants from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (R01 HD040910 and R03 HD039835).

2. Increase in cohabitation Why is cohabitation significant?

3. Number of Cohabiting Couple Households in the U.S. (in 1,000s) Source: U.S. Bureau of the Census (http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/tabUC-1.txt)

4. Increase in cohabitation Altered marriage patterns Why is cohabitation significant?

5. % Couples Cohabiting Before Marriage

6. Increase in cohabitation Altered marriage patterns Increasingly a setting for bearing and rearing children Why is cohabitation significant?

7. Percent of Unmarried Couple Households with Children Present by Race and Ethnicity, 2000 Source: Fields & Casper (2001): http://www.census.gov/population/socdemo/hh-fam/p20-537/2000/tabUC3.pdf

8. Increase in cohabitation Altered marriage patterns Increasingly a setting for bearing and rearing children Implicated in debate about the retreat from marriage and about policies to strengthen and encourage healthy marriage Why is cohabitation significant?

9. Implicated in Welfare Reform • 1996 Welfare Bill: “Encourage the formation and maintenance of two-parent (married) families.” • “We believe the government should be involved in promoting healthy marriages……If you care about the welfare of children, it is reasonable to help couples, who choose marriage for themselves, to acquire the skills and knowledge to form and sustain healthy marriages.” (Wade Horn)

10. TANF REAUTORIZATION BILL H.R.4. “Funds…shall be used to support any of the following…: • Public advertising campaigns on value of marriage • Education in high school on value of marriage • Marriage education, marriage skills, and relationship skills programs

11. What Do We Know From Census and Survey Data? • Trends and differentials in cohabitation • Differences between cohabitation and marriage as well as cohabiting and married individuals • Role of cohabitation in nonmarital fertility • Predictors of transitions into and out of cohabitation • Implications of cohabitation for child wellbeing

12. Why qualitative data collection? “Undertake qualitative research to better understand the meanings of cohabitation and develop standard questions to measure the concept of cohabitation.” Recommendation from conference “Counting Couples: Improving Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, and Cohabitation Data in the Federal Statistical System.” Conference held at the National Institutes of Health, December 13 & 14, 2001, Washington, DC.

13. Why qualitative data collection? “When conducting research in a poorly understood culture, qualitative work on how topics are conceptualized seems essential. We are in a culture which we understood poorly with respect to what intimate relationships of various types mean. Hence, we must begin afresh with qualitative explorations of how young people think about different types of relationships in order to design appropriate measures for our surveys.” (Bumpass and Sweet 2001: 297)

14. Value of Qualitative Data • Measurement of cohabitation • Mechanisms or ‘how’ and ‘why’ questions • Generate new hypothesis & theory development

15. Research Issues • Just how do cohabitations come to be (i.e., how are they formed)? • Date • Process • Language: how do cohabitors describe and introduce themselves? • Decision-making • Planning • Choice set (marry vs. cohabitation?)

16. Data and Methods: Cohabitation and Marriage in America (CMA) Study • In-depth interviews • 90+ adults (21-35) with recent cohabitation experience (first stage of larger data collection) • Equally divided sample by gender and race/ethnicity • Atlas/ti code and analyze data

17. FORMATION: Date “Ah…. we met, he was nineteen. I was twenty. Within that next year, he basically moved in, there wasn't a definite date, he would stay one night a week, and then two nights, then….. it got to a point where he just never left.” [White Female Law Clerk, Age 28]

18. FORMATION: Date R: Um… I think maybe October 13th is when we started dating, and that's about the same time that he just started staying with me and my other roommates. And then the first time that we ever, that he actually was on the lease and we were actually living together would have to be this summer. So it would have to be May of I: Last May? R: Um, yes, last May. I: So like May of 2001? R: Yes I: So he started living with you, like spending the night the previous October? R: Yes. I: So, was it an every night thing at first or was it just kind of like, OK, this is it… R: Yeah, every night. [White Female Office Worker, Age 22]

19. Formation of Cohabiting Unions • Date • Process

20. Process of Formation “In a way it did just kind of just happen because if you think about it, it started where you know I would come over and stay with him at night and one night led into two nights, two nights leading to three nights and then next thing you know I have clothes over there and I'm cooking dinner for him and everything and it's just where, it got to the point where we, if I wasn't coming to him, he was coming to me. One thing led to another, we just agreed, you know well, we'll be together, we'll stay together.” [Black Female Computer Services, Age 28]

21. Process of Formation “….he just kind of slid in. I didn’t ask him to move in. He would come over, spend the night a couple times, and then next thing I know he was pushing my stuff in the closet down because he’s stuffing his stuff in.” [Black Female Retail Supervisor, Age 36] “It began by an attrition of this thing at her parents house. In other words she stayed at my house more and more from spending the night once to not going home to her parents house for a week at a time and then you know further um so there was no official starting date. I did take note when the frilly fufu soaps showed up in my bathroom that she'd probably moved in at that point.” [White Male Computer Consultant, Age 30]

22. Process of Formation “I found a place where, I could afford, living by myself, a one bedroom, I signed the lease and I moved in. I was living there, and he ended up just staying there constantly. And I was like, "If you're going to be staying here all the time, you're going to start paying rent." And so he just moved himself in. I didn't want to be living with him, he just moved in…” [White Female Office Worker, Age 21]

23. Process of Formation “… Um, we've known each other since grade school and when I ran into him again we went on a few dates and we just started to, he was living at home at the time and I was living by myself, so he just started staying really late, and he had worked third shift, so then once he had changed shifts since he was here all the time, he went to second shift, he just ended up staying here and just gradually moved stuff in.” [White Female Legal Assistant, Age 32]

24. Process of Formation R: No, it's sort of a, "I have an apartment and you don't feel like driving home to Monroe so lets make the best of it." I: And right away you moved your stuff in? R: I moved a fair amount of stuff in, yes….I contributed to her rent and I contributed to my mother's rent too, so, but for all intents and purposes I was there. [White Male Office Worker, Age 28]

25. Formation of Cohabiting Unions • Date • Process Our questions about exactly how did this cohabitation begin also led to our finding out about the complex living arrangements of some cohabitors.

26. Formation “And he moved in with my two roommates and me until he found a place, and then I ended up moving in with him after the summer… “ [White Female Factory Worker, Age 26] “It began with, first, I had an apartment and she lived with her parents. And it began with her just spending more and more time, staying overnight, um, basically just…you know, just gradually becoming a fixture and uh, there was never an discussion of the matter. When my roommate moved out and I didn't have a roommate, it just sort --- well, it had become permanent even before that, probably, but just wasn't said.” [White Male Office Worker, Age 33]

27. Formation “Cause we don't have the, I feel like we don't have the money, I feel like we don't have the resources, I mean he lives here, and my mom always says you know, "if you want to get married, you can still live here and it wouldn't matter,“…but I, I wouldn't feel right. I feel like if you get married, you need to go out on your own, and start your own life, and I'm not ready for that right now. And neither is he.” [Hispanic Female Office Assistant, Age 19]

28. Research Issues • Just how do cohabitations come to be? • Date • Process • Language: how do cohabitors describe and introduce themselves?

29. Language “Oh, sometimes I say "my husband." Sometimes I say “my boyfriend." So it just varies. Like when I call -- when I used to call my work -- I'd say, oh, this is his wife, when really I wasn't.” [Hispanic Female Clerk, Age 27]

30. Language “Uh, I had to write something down, I had to write her name down, too, and when it said under there ‘relationship,’ I put ‘roommate.’ And I didn’t even think anything of it, and the reason I did that was because….we’re not married, so what is anyone else going to think? I mean, girlfriend, roommate, whatever!” [White Male, Manager Computers, Age 33]

31. Language I: You know researchers who study cohabitation often use the term “unmarried partner. Would you use that phrase to describe your relationship? R: No I: What do you think of? The first thing you think of when you hear the word unmarried partner what do you think of? R: Ummm….gay. [Black female retail supervisor, age 36] R: …like it sounds like you’re saying he’s unmarried and he’s a friend of mine, I would think, but not…I just don’t think it sounds like a relationship term… [Black female, customer service, age 25]

32. Language “That sounds like two guys (laughs) living together. No, I wouldn't have seen it that way.” [White Male Train Conductor, Age 30] “Yeah, it, it sounds…an unmarried partner to me, could be, like a half a dozen people with the same guy. You could be juggling two or three different guys. You're unmarried or you're partners. It, it doesn't make it sound exclusive at all.” [White Female Teacher, Age 22]

33. Research Issues • Just how do cohabitations come to be? • Date • Process • Language: how do cohabitors describe and introduce themselves? • Decision-making • Planned • Choice set (marry vs. cohabitation?)

34. Decision-Making I'm not really sure, I guess, I think how it all happened was the day that I was moving my stuff out I kinda thought, 'am I gonna move my stuff back in with my dad or am I gonna move it over here since she was getting this place'? And she had already gotten it, and I helped her move, so instead of moving my stuff over, over to my dad's, I moved it all over here. [Hispanic Male Prison Guard, Age 27] I had never, I had never intended for it to happen, but yet had not put any barriers up or any, uh, conditions on it. And as she just began to spend more time there, ah, it sort of snuck up on me. [White Male Office Worker, Age 33]

35. Decision-Making I: so was there like a big decision about it or was it just kind of like, “I’m spending the night,” kind of thing R: Yeah, like it wasn’t really a big decision…I really think we just did it, it just happened. We were looking for a place, and my other friend and I were looking for a place, and then he found one. And then her boyfriend was going to eventually move in with us, and then we got another friend to move in with us. So it was the two of us that were dating and then the other two who weren’t dating, and it just happened. [White female, Medicaid Eligibility Worker, Age 22)

36. Decision-Making “Well no it wasn't- wasn't even like that because I didn't want to move in with her, you know? We were just more or less infatuated with each other. We just… wanted to be around each other. We just- we were just like that, you know?” [Black Male Construction Worker, Age 26] “Um, I don't' know. I just basically wanted to move out of my house and more or less he was like my escape. You know, I wanted him to get a house, get a house and let's-let's try to work on our relationship, ‘cuz I was young. I didn't really know what I wanted, so. “ [Hispanic Female Health Department Clerk, Age 25]

37. Decision-Making “I wasn't thinking about marrying Denise. I wasn't thinking about even like staying there. I was just thinking she's a cool girl. I like being around her, and I ended up just staying around there all the time and you know, taking showers over there, I would call it living there.” [White Male Construction Worker, Age 26] R: Well right off the bat we um, were staying with eachother… I: So it was, uh, it wasn’t like you all sat down and said okay let’s live together? R: No [Hispanic Female Office Worker, Age 27]

38. Decision-Making “But after I wasn’t’ in school anymore, mostly it became a long distance relationship for about two years or so and then at that point she graduated and we decided to be in the same city together. But if we’re going to be in the same city together, 9 times out of 10, I’m always going to be over there or she’s going to be at my place so we might as well live together.” [Black male, customer service, Age 25)

39. Decision-Making He actually moved in with me because um…he got out of jail and didn't have any place to go. [White Female Grocery Clerk, Age 21] Oh he knew, he knew I was still married and I was on my way through the divorce but he asked me to move in with him you know. I moved in with him. [Hispanic Female Waitress, Age 18]

40. Conclusions • Incompletely institutionalized • Gradual transition • Choice-set: Cohabitation not necessarily perceived as alternative to marriage • Measurement of cohabitation