Bully-Proofing Your School

1. Bully-Proofing Your School Session 1: Bullies and Bullying

2. Shifting Gears Bully-Proofing Your School • As you enter, complete the Following… • Fact or Fiction/Myth (Quiz on Moodle) • Learning Goal • Learners will understand and be able to effectively implement a bully-proofing program. Benchmarks: Key Terms, Bullying Behaviors, Normal Peer Conflict, Planning, Climate, Visualization, Myth or Fact 2013 - 2014 Learners will observe students on campus and in the classrooms to determine conflicts as normal peer interaction or bullying. Community will observe and support children and staff. Objectives Reflect on your new learning and how you will implement it. Sum-It-Up Essential Question: Why is bullying a problem? What are the effects of bullying? Who are the bullies? Why do they bully? What are bullying behaviors; mild, moderate, and severe? Who are the victims? NEXT STEPS: Session 2: Victims; Session 3: Staff Interaction; Session 4: Scenarios; Session 5: Program Strategies, Consequences, and Reinforcements; Session 6: Planning Your Own School-Wide Program; Implementation Common Language: • Bullying, Passive Victim, Provocative Victim, Bully-Victim, Bystanders, Caring Majority, Caring Community

3. Review: Refer back to Orientation Materials • Florida State Statute • Lake County School’s District Initiative = Bully Proofing Your School • Scope of the Problem  • Bully-Proofing Your School • Mission Statement • Principles • The 3 Overall Goals in Implementing the Program • Paradigm Shift • 5 Steps to Building a Caring and Safe Climate

4. "Watch your thoughts, they become words. Watch your words, they become your actions. Watch your actions, they become habits. Watch your habits, they become character. Watch your character, it becomes your destiny." Frank Outlaw

5. Defining Bullying • True bullying is repeated exposure over time to negative actions. • Bullying means there is an imbalance of power so that the child being victimized has trouble defending himself or herself. • Bullying is aggression. • Forms: physical, verbal, or psychological • Bullying is when one person uses power in a willful manner with the aim of hurting another individual repeatedly.

6. Visualization Exercise • Sit comfortably with eyes open or closed • Remember a time you were bullied, bullied someone, or saw someone bullied • Where were you? • What role were you playing? • Bully? Victim? Observer? • How were you feeling? • What did you do? • What do you wish you had done, or wish someone else had done? • Volunteers to share your experience • Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, PTSD

7. Definition/Nature of Bullying • The Definition of Bullying • Targeting a child for repetitive negative actions. • Imbalance of power so the victim can’t defend himself/herself. • Unequal levels of affect (feeling or emotion) • The Serious Nature of Bullying • Children being bullied need and deserve adult intervention and help. • The problem is too serious for them to solve alone. • Without intervention, the problem will not go away. • Bullies will keep bullying unless adults do something about it.

8. Consequences for Victims • Drop in self-esteem to a self-defeating, fearful attitude • Anxiety, fear, sadness, and possible depression • Disrupted academic performance, lack of interest in school, and excessive absences • Physical symptoms (e.g., stomachaches, headaches, fatigue) • Panic and irrational retaliation • Potential to harm oneself; cutting, suicide

9. Who are the Victims? • Passive Victim is likely to be a child who: • Is isolated or alone during much of the school day. • Is anxious, insecure, and lacking in social skills. • Is physically weak and therefore unable to defend himself or herself. • Cries easily, yields when bullied, and is unable to stick up for himself or herself • May have suffered past abuse or traumitization. • May have a learning disorder that compromises his or her ability to process and respond to social interactional cues.

10. Who are the Victims? • Provocative Victim is likely to be a child who: • Is often restless, irritates and teases others and doesn’t know when to stop. • Fights back in bullying situations but ends up losing. • Is easily emotionally aroused. • Tends to maintain the conflict and lose with frustration and distress. • May be diagnosed with ADHD. • Tends to make you feel like they deserve it.

11. Bully-Victim • Share characteristics of both bullies and victims; they are a victim of bullying (usually sever) and they do bully others • Easily emotionally aroused and emotionally reactive • Do not necessarily show aggression • May be hyperactive • Research shows that this group of children are: • More disturbed, depressed and anxious, and have poorer academic achievement than other children, more disliked, peers have the least empathy for them, have a higher risk of serious aggression over time • FBI has profiled school shooters in this category (FBI 2001) • These students need individualized interventions • Adults need to be more vigilant with these students.

12. Bystanders • The majority of students at school; approximately 85% • Stand silently on the sidelines, the “Silent Majority” • Powerful resource to change dynamics at school • Program is designed to empower the “Silent Majority” into the “Caring Majority” and eventually create a “Caring Community” • Bystanders do not get involved in bullying events • Harmful in the long run: bystanders become desensitized to bullying and its violence and cruelty and are likely to have a diminished capacity for empathy for the suffering victims and people in general.

13. "Your role as a leader is even more important than you might imagine. You have the power to help people become winners.“ Ken Blanchard

14. Normal Peer Conflict – What Bullying Is Not • Equal power or friends • Happens occasionally • Accidental • Not Serious • Equal emotional reaction • Not seeking power or attention • Not trying to get something • Remorse – will take responsibility • Effort to solve the problem

15. Not Normal Peer Conflict - What Bullying is… • Imbalance of power; not friends • Repeated negative actions • Purposeful • Serious with threat of physical or emotional harm • Strong emotional reaction from victim and little or no reaction from bully • Seeking power, control, or material things • Attempt to gain material things or power • No remorse – blames victim • No effort to solve problem

16. Myth or Fact? • Bullies are boys. • Myth; Both boys and girls bully, but their tactics are usually different. Boys usually bully with physical aggression, girls with social alienation or humiliation. • Bullies are insecure and have low self-esteem. • Myth; Bullies are not anxious, insecure children, but have positive (often unrealistic) self images that reflect a strong need to dominate with power and threat.

17. Myth or Fact? • Bullies don’t have friends. • Myth; Bullies are not loner, but almost always have a small network of peers who encourage, admire, and model their bullying behavior. • Bullies are usually failing in school. • Myth; Bullies tend to be at least average or only slightly below average academically.

18. Myth or Fact? • Bullies are physically larger than their victims. • Myth; Bullies come in all sizes, and bullies can even intimidate victims who are physically larger if there’s an imbalance of power. • Bullies don’t really mean to hurt their victims. • Myth; Bullies lack compassion for their victims and feel justified in their actions.

19. Myth or Fact? • Bullies usually feel badly about their actions, but they just can’t help themselves. • Myth; Bullies value the rewards they achieve from aggression, such as attention, control over someone, or material possessions. • Looking different is the main reason children get bullied. • Myth; Looking different is one reason children are victimized, but not the main reason. Isolation and personality type are more often determining factors.

20. Myth or Fact? • If the victim fights back, the bully will back down. • Myth; Returned aggression is not usually effective, and in fact excites the bully into further attacks. Assertion, rather than aggression, is effective, however. • Telling on a bully will only make the situation worse for the victim. • Myth; If all the adults within a school are committed to preventing bullying behavior, requesting adult intervention will help in equalizing the power imbalance between the bully and victim.

21. Myth or Fact? • Unless you change the bully’s home life, nothing will help. • Myth; Bullies can separate home from school, and be taught responsible school behavior even when aggression is modeled and/or reinforced at home. • Bullies need therapy to stop bullying. • Myth; Bullying behavior does not usually change with traditional therapy, but requires specific interventions techniques that increase skill deficits and correct thinking errors. There are some simple, proven intervention tactics, which will be taught in conjunction with this program, that prevent bullying behavior.

22. Myth or Fact? • Other children should stay away from the bully-victim situations or they’ll get bullied as well. • Myth; When bullies are confronted with a united front of their peers who support the victim and believe that bullying behavior is not socially acceptable, their power is defused. • All teachers can learn to handle a bully. • Myth; Some teachers are threatened by conflict-ridden situations and aggressive children. In this program, teachers identify their predominate conflict resolution styles, and identify other staff members with complementary styles who they can turn to for support with difficult situations.

23. Myth or Fact? • Bringing the parents of the victim and of the bully together for discussion is a good idea. • Myth; It is not a good strategy to bring the parent(s) of a bully and the parent(s) of a victim together, and should be avoided at all cost. It is essential to meet with each set of parents individually to provide them the specific assistance they need to help their child. • Once a victim, always a victim. • Myth; The cycle of victimization can be broken by working at the school and classroom levels, and by working with an individual child who is victimized.

24. Myth or Fact? • Victims have usually brought the trouble upon themselves. • The responsibility for the aggression is the bullies’. However, victims of bullying are not randomly targeted but are victimized because of characteristics and behaviors that make them easier targets for a bully. These include being physically weak, crying easily, being anxious and insecure, and lacking age appropriate social skills.

25. Myth or Fact? • Learning disabled students are at higher risk of being victimized. • Fact; Students with special education needs may be at greater risk of being bullied by others due to factors such as their disability or the fact that they may be less well integrated socially. If they have behavior problems and act out aggressively, they can become provocative victims. If they have trouble processing social cues, they may act shy and inhibited and become passive victims. Having a disability is not the main reason children get bullied, however.

26. “With ignorance comes fear – from fear comes bigotry. Education is the key to acceptance.” Kathleen Patel

27. Types of Bullying and Differences Between Male and Female Bullies • Bullying can range from mild name calling or shoving to very severe acts of violence and coercion. • Boys frequently use swift and effective physical aggression such as tripping or elbowing another child in the stomach. • Girls tend to use the tactics of social alienation and intimidation, such as gossiping maliciously, writing spiteful notes, or alienating a peer from play. • Girls can use very destructive, insidious techniques that are hard to detect. • Extortion is a common form of bullying used by both boys and girls.

28. Bullying Behaviors ChartPhysical Aggression: • Mild • Pushing, Shoving, Spitting, Kicking, Hitting • Moderate • Defacing property, Stealing, Physical acts that are demeaning and humiliating, but not bodily harmful, Locking in a closed or confined space • Severe • Physical violence against family or friends, Threatening with a weapon, Inflicting bodily harm

29. Bullying Behaviors ChartSocial Alienation: • Mild • Gossiping, Embarrassing, Setting up to look foolish, Spreading rumors about • Moderate • Ethnic slurs, Setting up to take the blame, Publicly humiliating, Excluding from group, Social rejection • Severe • Maliciously excluding, Manipulating social order to achieve rejection, Malicious rumor-mongering, Threatening with total isolation by peer group

30. Bullying Behaviors ChartVerbal Aggression: • Mild • Mocking, Name calling, Dirty looks, Taunting, Teasing about clothes or possessions • Moderate • Teasing about appearance, Intimidating telephone calls • Severe • Verbal threats of aggression against property or possessions, Verbal threats of violence or inflicting bodily harm

31. Bullying Behaviors ChartIntimidation: • Mild • Threatening to reveal personal information, Graffiti, Publicly challenging to do something, Defacing property or clothing, Playing a dirty trick • Moderate • Taking possessions, Extortion, Sexual/racial taunting • Severe • Threats of using coercion against family or friends, Coercion, Threatening with a weapon

32. If kids come to us from strong, healthy functioning families, it makes our job easier. If they do not come to us from strong, healthy, functioning families, it makes our job more important. -Barbara Colorose

33. Next Session: Victims • In the next session, staff members will learn about the dynamics of the bully-victim relationship, and why some children are victimized and why others are not. As a victim of bullying for many years, I know first hand what it is like to feel completely alone and to hate yourself.