She’s Just Trying to Get Attention!

1. She’s Just Trying to Get Attention! Ashley Lindberg ashleyl@gmail.com

2. Agenda Intervention: individualized intensive interventions Universal supports: for all children through relationships environments. Prevention: targeted social emotional strategies to prevent problems.

3. Why Talk about Attention Seeking?

4. Universal Supports to Prevent Attention-getting misbehavior • Science Daily Article

5. Reinforcement: The 5:1 rule Gottman, J. (1994). Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last. New York: Simon and Schuster.

6. Relationships with tough parents Note: these are not tough parents. They are my in-laws, and they are lovely.

7. PBS, it’s all about relationships Build a relationship with every family • Provide info about child development • Give parents a person to turn to if they are ever ready to learn more about parenting. • Help plan for the next transition. • Report suspected abuse and neglect.

8. Barriers: They are not that friendly • Your hardest kids probably have your hardest families. • Stuff that makes kids misbehave sometimes make adults misbehave. • Some parents are worried about your judgment, have a problem with authority, or have had past negative experiences in school.

9. Solutions:They are not that friendly. • 5:1 rule phone calls, voicemail, email, bravo cards, photos, certificates, awards • Face time

10. Barriers: They don’t have time for you • Parents may be struggling with getting basic needs met. • Parents can’t get work off, don’t have transportation.

11. Solutions: They don’t have time for you. • Home-visit • Meet them on their lunch break • Make plans months in advance, then give reminder calls/notes/stickers • Go out that day • Open house v. graduation

12. Barriers: We don’t have time for them • Many agencies don’t give staff members adequate time to build family relationships • Too much to do during the work week!

13. Solutions: We don’t have time for them. • Once in a while deliver a forgotten coat • More Parent-Teacher Conferences • Open house • School productions/plays • Art shows • Graduation parties • Parents come in for a class party/event, etc. • Bravo cards • Photos home • Certificates or awards

14. Barriers: We can’t get a hold of them! • Stupid cricket phones

15. Solutions:We can’t get a hold of them • My business card laminated with my photo and a magnet for fridge • Communication notebooks • Tape notes to backs • Call their emergency numbers

16. Barriers:We are mad at them • Its hard not to judge! We love their kid and we’re mad that they are making his life hard.

17. Solutions:We are mad at them • Everyone is doing their best with the education they have been given.

18. Solutions:We are mad at them • You can’t darn a sock starting in the hole.

19. “I’m not trained for this!” A recipe for a home-visit • 1. Hi! (add positive story) • 2. How are you? Last time we talked we talked about… How’s that going? • 3. Encourage and build on their efforts! 4. Summarize “we have a plan. I will.. You…” • Let simmer. Repeat.

20. Yellow Zone Prevention of Attention-Getting Misbehavior for At-Risk Kids

21. Prevention with At-Risk Kids • Social skills preschoolers need • Knowing and liking your self • Understanding and managing feelings • Making and keeping friends

22. Knowing and Liking Yourself • Same and different: stand up (or thumbs up or line up) if you have a sister. • Permission to like/dislike things (Koplow, 2007). • Read a “book” about a child

23. Knowing and Liking Yourself Compliments • Compliments • “I like the way you…” • Teach the song to the tune of Frere Jacque (I do it on instrument day): Hello Candice How are you? Compliment a friend and we’ll clap for you!

24. Knowing and Liking Yourself : Jobs • (Pictures from Board Maker)

25. Knowing and Liking Yourself : Jobs • Meaningful jobs help children feel responsibility and belonging • Every child has a job? • Sharing jobs?

26. Knowing and Liking Yourself: Songs • Compliment song • Head shoulders knees and toes

27. Managing Feelings: Solve Problems Together • Have a class meeting • “Put it on the agenda” (Nelsen, et at., 2007). • Time out was going badly: Sad coffee break • Act it out with puppets (Derman-Sparks,1989). • Ask a child before hand if the puppet can use his problem. • Children act out positive examples. Only puppets act out negative.

28. Managing Feelings: Songs • If you’re frustrated and you know it ask for help!

29. Making and Keeping Friends • Making friends: • Know the kids names • (including middle and last names) • Up and down is the name of the game. • Practice finding a role (Nelsen, et at., 2007). • Keeping friends: • What can you say when you don’t want to play? • CSEFEL

30. Making and Keeping Friends • Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning • http://www.vanderbilt.edu/csefel/

31. Intervention for to Attention-getting misbehavior for top of the triangle kids.

32. The ABCs In this situation… I do this… to get this! Antecedent Behavior Consequence

33. Competing Behavior Pathway A B C New Behavior

34. Mistaken Goals • Nelsen, J., Erwin, C., Duffy, R. A., (2007). Positive Discipline for Preschoolers. New York: Three Rivers Press.

35. Mistaken Goals • Special Service • Power • Revenge • Assumed helplessness

36. Special Service I’m important when I’m keeping you busy with me!

37. Special Service I’m important when I’m keeping you busy with me. We usually try: Doing things for the child that she could do herself, Reminding, Coaxing The behavior stops temporarily but later resumes

38. The ABCs In this situation… I do this… to get this need met! Antecedent Behavior Attention: Notice me! Involve me!

39. Special Service A: Avoid special service, plan special time. Set up routines. Set up a signal. B: Problem solve with the child C: Redirect with a useful task. Ignore

40. Misguided Power I want to be the boss! “You can’t make me”

41. Misguided Power I’m important when I’m keeping you busy with me. We usually respond by: Fighting, Giving in, Wanting to be right Thinking “you can’t get away with this” The Child responds by: Intensifies behavior, Acts defiant

42. The ABCs of Misguided Power In this situation… I do this… to get this! Antecedent Behavior Attention: Let me help! Give me choices!

43. Misguided Power A: Ask for help Offer limited choices Tell the child what you will do and do it. Develop mutual respect. B: Songs, books, social stories, Conversations where you draw at the same time. C: Be firm and kind at the same time Let routines be the boss Leave and calm down.

44. Revenge I don’t feel like I belong, so I’ll hurt others. I can’t be liked here.

45. Revenge I don’t feel like I belong, so I’ll hurt others. I can’t be liked here. We usually try: Retaliating, Getting even, Thinking “How could you do this to me?” The Child: Retaliates/ Escalates Chooses another weapon

46. The ABCs of Revenge In this situation… I do this… to get this! Antecedent Behavior Attention: Express that I’m hurting.

47. Revenge A: Build trust Use active listening Show you care, Encourage strengths B: Songs, books, social stories, Conversations where you draw at the same time C: Acknowledge hurt feelings Avoid punishment and retaliation Make amends Act-don’t talk.

48. Assumed Inadequacy I’m helpless and unable. It’s not worth trying because I can’t do anything right.

49. Assumed Inadequacy Despair Hopelessness Helplessness Inadequate I’m helpless and unable. It’s not worth trying because I can’t do anything right. We usually try: Giving up, Doing for, Over helping The Child: Retreats, Acts passive No improvement/ No response

50. The ABCs of Assumed Inadequacy In this situation… I do this… to get this! Antecedent Behavior Escape attention and tasks I could fail