Vividness Honesty Wordiness

1. Vividness & HonestyWordiness Overview of Vividness & Honesty Activity Overview of Wordiness Activity

2. Vividness Vividness: seeking the most specific, descriptive, effective, and appropriate word choice in writing Concreteness: specific words that appeal to the reader�s senses Avoid Vagueness, and Avoid Ambiguity �If you can�t pin a sentence down to specifics, cross it off. You haven�t lost a sentence but gained clarity.�

3. Editing for Vividness The Saturn is a good car. The Saturn is a sporty, economical, reliable car. We had an exciting time! Our blood pressure blasted off, and we screamed ourselves hoarse. Abused children suffer mentally as well as physically. We see the scars and burn marks on abused children, but a mother screaming, �I wish you were never born!� scars them too.

4. Eliminating Ambiguity in Adjectives Beware vague words: Good Bad Great Nice Fantastic Sad Beautiful Success Ugly Awful Terrible Cute Awesome Big/Little Happy �In revising for concreteness, re-see the things described; think in pictures, not in words.� �Replacing vague words with specific ones will do more than any other technique to make your writing more tangible and clear.�

5. Eliminating Ambiguity: Adverbs & Adjectives Intensifiers: a word that strengthens another modifier, noun, or verb Very -est (ending) excessively So extremely least Too definitely most Really Replace intensifiers with more concrete nouns or verbs where possible.

6. Ambiguity in Adverbs/Adjectives He was the happiest man alive. He was ecstatic. The oil spill was extremely bad. The oil spill covered 300 square miles.

7. Eliminating Ambiguity in Verbs ��To be� is the dullest English verb.� Other colorless, bland verbs include go, get, have, do, become Eat Feed, nourish, take a meal, break bread, breakfast, lunch, dine, feast, consume, devour, ingest, gulp, wolf down, gobble, nibble Good Worthy, honorable, excellent, honest, reliable, moral, wholesome, exemplary, pure, unsullied, satisfactory, fine, great, wonderful, splendid, first-rate, choice, select, sound, capital, tiptop, enjoyable, first-class

8. Vividness: Eliminating Ambiguity Janet walked very, very slowly. Janet dawdled. The car moved quickly away. The car sped away. Jack was an extremely big man. Jack was a Goliath.

9. Eliminating Ambiguity: Sentence Construction Avoid burying vivid words: As the rush of people walk through the downtown area, the clanking and shaking of the old train is heard. As the people rush downtown, the old train clanks and shakes past.

10. Vividness: Concrete Verbs With guns drawn, three police officers ___ (walked) toward the door of the warehouse. As we stared in fascination, an orange lizard ___ (walked) up the wall. The four-year-old ___ (walked) onto the patio in her mother�s high-heeled shoes. A furious customer ___ (walked) into the manager�s office. Two people who ___ (saw) the accident must testify in court. We crouched for hours in the underbrush just to ____ (see) a rare white fox. Three makeshift wooden rafts were ____ (seen) off the coast this morning.

11. Vividness: Concrete Verbs For two years, the zoologist ___ (saw) the behavior of bears in the wild. There was the cat, delicately ____ (eating) my fern! Senator Gorman astounded the guests by loudly ___ (eating) his soup. All through the movie, she ____ (ate) hard candies in the back row. Within seconds, Dan had bought two tacos from a street vendor and _____ (eaten) them both. During rush hour, the temperature hit 98 degrees, and dozens of cars ____ (were) on the highway. A young man _____ (is) on a stretcher in the emergency room. Workers who ___ (are) at desks all day should make special efforts to exercise.

12. Vividness: Eliminating Ambiguity A car went around the corner. A battered blue mustang careened around the corner. Janet quickly ate the main course. Janet devoured the plate of ribs in two and a half minutes. The president did things that caused problems. The president�s military spending increased the budget deficit.

13. Avoiding Redundancy At that point in time Lee attacked north for the purpose of scaring the Yankees. Then, Lee attacked north to scare the Yankees. The Capitol was entirely destroyed by fire. The Capitol was destroyed by fire. He had a long gray beard that had not been trimmed very recently. His long gray beard had not been trimmed recently. Ike brought tears of laughter to a great number of people with his jokes. Ike made a lot of people laugh with jokes. Those who commit murder are not deserving of the state�s mercy. Murderers do not deserve the state�s mercy.

14. Dull, Vague Language A dog lies down in the shade. My head hurts. Everything about the man looked mean. I feel good today for several reasons. A woman in unusual clothes went down the street. The sunlight made the yard look pretty. What the company did bothered the townspeople. The pediatrician�s waiting room was crowded. As soon as he gets home from work, he hears the voice of his pet asking for dinner. The noises of construction filled the street.

15. Concision: Avoiding Wordiness Brevity Short Succinctness Briefness Pithiness Terseness

16. Wordiness (or Conciseness) Concise Writing says as much as possible in as few words as possible. It is very interesting to compare what different essay writers have to say about writing essays. In our book we have different essays on writing by E.B. White, Alice Walker, and Joan Didion, who are all famous modern authors today. E.B. White, Alice Walker, and Joan Didion present three different views on writing essays. Basically, in light of the fact that Congressman Fuenches was totally exhausted by his last campaign, there was an expectation on the part of the voters that he would not reduplicate his effort to achieve office in government again. Because Congressman Fuenches was exhausted by his last campaign, voters expected he would not run again.

17. Conciseness Conciseness: Concise Writing says as much as possible in as few words as possible Wordy Better �He went on to say�� �He added�� �The hat was red in color�� �The red hat�� �We proceeded to depart�� �We departed�� �In my opinion it seems to me�� �I believe�� �Ken was slugged by Joe.� �Joe slugged Ken.� �Due to the fact that�� �Because��

18. More Examples� The bureaucrats avoided some of the work they were assigned. The bureaucrats avoided some assigned work. The catalytic converter is used for the purpose of reducing air pollution. The catalytic converter reduces air pollution.

19. Which is most concise? in this day and age in these modern times today at this point in time

20. Which is most concise? the short and long of it to make a long story short a condensed recapitulation of transpired events a summary

21. Which is most concise? I repeat again, during the period that the office is relocating, we have taken the liberty of introducing flexible working hours. I repeat, during the period that the office is relocating, we intend to introduce flexible working hours. I repeat, while the office is relocating, we have taken the liberty of introducing flexible working hours. I repeat, while the office is relocating, we intend to introduce flexible working hours.

22. Which is most concise? It would be appreciated if, in the month of June, we were to engage in a dialogue. It would be appreciated if, in the month of June, we could have a chat. Please see me in the month of June. Please see me in June.

23. Which is most concise? Here is the report you asked for. Attached herewith please find the investigative literature you demanded. In view of the fact that you requested it, here is the report. As per your instructions, I have enclosed the report you asked for.

24. Which is most concise? I am of the opinion that the letter in regard to the defective merchandise is of little merit. My personal opinion is that the letter about the defective merchandise is of little merit. I believe that the letter about the defective merchandise is wrong. My personal opinion is that the letter about the defective merchandise is wrong.

25. Which is most concise? The pamphlet for the purpose of employee financial guidance is inaccurate and should be nipped in the bud. The pamphlet for employee financial guidance is inaccurate and should be nipped in the bud. The pamphlet for the purpose of employee financial guidance is inaccurate and should cut off at the pass. The pamphlet for employee financial guidance is inaccurate and should be reviewed.

26. Which is most concise? The office relocation issue is as dead as a doornail, as of 9 a.m. this morning. The office relocation is cancelled, as of 9 a.m. this morning. The office relocation has been cancelled. At 9 a.m., senior administrators decided to cancel any office relocation.

27. Which is most concise? In the eventuality the new position is created, it goes without saying that I will apply. If the new position is created, it goes without saying that I will apply. If the new position is created, I will apply. If the new position is created, as sure as the sun rises, I will apply.

28. Which is most concise? We think that your claim is not valid. At this point in time, we are of the opinion that your claim is not valid. Today, we are of the opinion that your claim sucks. In our personal opinions, your claim does not possess sufficient validity.

29. Avoiding Redundancy The Constitution was totally demolished. The Constitution was demolished. He is a completely unique artist. He is a unique artist. The railroad was extended a distance of 60 miles. The railroad was extended 60 miles. I plan to enter the field of nursing. I plan to become a nurse. In the fall of the year school once again reopens. School reopens in the fall. At that point in time, we faced a serious job crisis. Then, we faced a job crisis.

30. Wordiness: Eliminating Unnecessary Words The Constitution requires and says that the federal government of the United States must take a national census every ten years. At first, the original function of the census was to ensure fair taxation and representation. Since the first count in 1790, however, the census has been controversial. There have been several reasons why it has been controversial. One reason why is because there are always some people who aren�t included. The 1990 census, for example, missed almost five million people, many of whom were homeless with no place to live. For the 2000 census, the Census Bureau considered using statistical methods. The statistical methods would have been used instead of the traditional direct head count.

31. Wordiness: Eliminating Unnecessary Words The Bureau would have directly counted about 90 percent of U.S. residents who live in the United States and then estimated the number and characteristics of the remainder of the rest of the people. Those who opposed the idea believed that in their opinion statistical methods would have introduced new errors that were mistaken into the count. The distribution of $100 billion in money, as well as the balance of power in the House of Representatives, depended on how and in which manner the census was conducted. Despite the controversy, the U.S. census still continues to serve a beneficial purpose that is for the good of the United States.