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Supporting Children Who Take Us to the Ends of Your Rope….

Supporting Children Who Take Us to the Ends of Your Rope…. Daniel Hodgins DKJ5075@aol.com www.danieljhodgins.com. Children with challenging behaviors are often looking for what they are good at…. Adults often give attention to negative behaviors that challenging children are good at.

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Supporting Children Who Take Us to the Ends of Your Rope….

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  1. Supporting Children Who Take Us to the Ends of Your Rope…. Daniel Hodgins DKJ5075@aol.com www.danieljhodgins.com

  2. Children with challenging behaviors are often looking for what they are good at… Adults often give attention to negative behaviors that challenging children are good at.

  3. Chris is his Name Chris is his name and pushing is his game You can catch him pushing, in the sun and rain He is pushing high, and pushing low He is pushing, pushing, wherever he goes. So if you want some pushing and you don’t know what to do Just go ask Chris and he’ll help you.

  4. What is Chris Good At? He is not bad at pushing, he is good at it!

  5. A bully believes that “If you can’t be the best, I’ll be the worst”

  6. When Faced with Challenging Behaviors Adults often: • Perceive the behavior as deliberate noncompliance • Attempt to “control” • Neglect to address the needs of the child • Engage in power struggles

  7. Three Questions to Ask Yourself When Developing Discipline Techniques: • What challenging behaviors bother me the most? • What practices do I use most often with these challenging behaviors? • What do I need to change to make my beliefs and practices decrease challenging behaviors?

  8. What Challenging Behaviors bother me the most? 1 2 3 4 5

  9. What strategies do I use with these behaviors that bother me? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

  10. Most Common Challenging Behaviors Reported by Teachers • Biting • Hitting or pinching • Throwing objects • Swearing • Name calling • Tattling • Whining • Refusing to share • Disrupting circle time • Running • Throwing tantrums • Non-participation

  11. What Are the Major Causes of Challenging Behaviors?

  12. Unclear Messages Saying What We Mean….

  13. Boys often see the whole, but not always the details… Interpreting messages might be difficult Anne Moir, David Jessel

  14. Most Common Unclear Messages: • “use your inside voice” • “use your walking feet” • “be nice to your friends” • “use kinder words” • “in five more minutes, it will be time to clean up”

  15. If the message is unclear to children, they will interpret it anyway they wish. The interpretation maybe completely different then the message sent….

  16. Too Many Rules

  17. Rules should be set up as “Guardrails” Setting up the environment so that children are guided with choices.

  18. Guardrails need to be: • Simple • Have consistent follow through • Pertain to the child’s stage of understanding • Must be enforceable • Individual not group

  19. When we have group rules, egocentric children believe you are not talking to them. Ex. “boys and girls no running”

  20. Rules that are often broken: • “No running” • “No hitting” • “No taking toys from someone else” • “No loud voices”

  21. Why are we always asking children to use their “inside voices?” It’s not natural….

  22. Eelly, Ally, OH The big ships sailing on the eely, ally, oh The eely, ally, oh, the eely, ally, oh. The big ships sailing on the eely, ally, oh. Hey OH, Eely, ally oh. Hoist up the sails, and pull in the rope, Pull in the rope, Pull in the rope. Hoist up the sails and pull in the rope Hey Oh, Pull in the Rope!

  23. Rules:You may be under the spell from: • Your family rules • Your neighborhood rules • Your school rules • Your religion rules

  24. What Are the Rules you hadin yourChildhood?

  25. Rules from your Childhood • “no elbows on the table” • “eat everything off your plate, there are people starving in China” • “no singing at the table” • “were you born in a barn?” • “what happens in this house stays in this house” • “always wear clean underwear when you leave the house, because you never know when you are going to get in an accident”

  26. To Follow Rules the following skills are needed: • Skill 1 - sensitivity to the viewpoints of others • Skill 2 - ability for mutual understanding • Skill 3 - willingness to delay gratification • Skill 4 - high degree of cooperation Hughes (1991)

  27. A boy’s brain often develops from the back(doing to thinking) A girl’s brain often develops from the front(thinking to doing) Moir & Jessel

  28. The girl’s frontal lobe often develops between the ages of 12 years and 16 years. Anne Moir

  29. The boys frontal lobe development occurs around 19 years of age. Anne Moir

  30. Children often cannot distinguish between right and wrong until their Frontal Lobe has fully developed.

  31. Frontal Lobe Statements: • “Make a better choice” • “How would you like it if someone hit you?” • “You don’t want to hurt your friends do you?” • “Use your words, not your hands”

  32. Expectations that cause Failure:

  33. What Causes Failure? • Competition • Standing in lines • Waiting my turn • Asking children to share • Expecting them to act like a little adult

  34. Failure: When a child is placed in failure experiences he/she will do anything to avoid it. Even if that means getting hurt or hurting. Failure adds so much stress to the brain. Leo Toupin

  35. “I can’t be a good looser, until I have lots of experiences feeling successful”Clare Cherry

  36. Attention You can never get enough….

  37. I get lots of Attention when I • I scream • I run • I hit • I throw tantrums • I smile when I have done something you don’t like • I say “make me, you are not my mom” • I make enemies • I make “all hell break loose”

  38. Avoid“Use your words” “I don’t have them yet”…

  39. Sharing means…I understand that somebody else has the same needs as me. I DON’T THINK SO!

  40. Choosing Friends • If you are next to me, you are my friend. • If you give me what I want, you are my friend.

  41. Developmental Issues vs. Moral Issues

  42. Typical Developmental Behaviors of Young Children • Picking their nose • Pushing/shoving • Not listening • Taking toys

  43. Keep the strategy that you use with children at their developmental level. Avoid a strategy that uses a moral implication. Their brains are not set up to receive it yet.

  44. You Assume I CARE!

  45. Adults must learn to be less egocentric then the child. Bev Bos

  46. “I Bring What I Got” • Rules? • Values? • Relationships? • Communication patterns? • Manners? • Behavior patterns?

  47. What children bring to your environment Might be different then what you bring…..

  48. Stages of Social PlayParten • Solitary Play • Parallel Play • Onlooker Play • Associative Play • Cooperative Play

  49. We must plan experiences that fit all stages of social play

  50. Not all children are “ready” for a group experience. Social skills for some children take a long time…Placing them in a group doesn’t mean they will become part of it….

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