Tell it Like it Is: Developing Effective Social Responses to Violence Lulea , Sweden. January 17, 2012 Allan Wad

1. Tell it Like it Is: Developing Effective Social Responses to Violence Lulea, Sweden. January 17, 2012 Allan Wade, Ph.D. Centre for Response-Based Practice Duncan B.C. Canada

3. Centre for Response-Based Practice • Family and individual therapy, supervision, specializing in violence • Consultation with refuges, child protection, police, victim assistance • “Islands of Safety”: Child protection forFirst Nations, Metis, Inuit peoples • “Together for Justice”: Yukon Aboriginal women and R.C.M.P. • Family law and domestic violence • Analysis of professional reports • Workplace training and intervention: Social responses to adversity • Research on language and violence: • Courts, professionals, media, therapeutic interviews • Analysis of emergency protection order interviews

4. Linda Coates, Ph.D. Dept. of Psychology Okanagan College Researcher, Activist Horse and dog lover

5. Family Therapist Mountaineer Chess Master Left Winger Nick Todd Near Calgary, Alberta

6. Cathy Richardson, Ph.D. MetisActivist, Therapist Dept. of Social Work University of Victoria Member, United Nations Panel on Violence Against Indigenous Women

7. Astrid Lindgren

9. Zora Neale Hurston “I do not weep at the world. I am too busy sharpening my oyster knife.” “Sweat”

10. Neil Young

11. Daniel & Henrik Sedin

12. Swedish Colleagues Harry and Jocelyn Korman: SIKT, Malmo Karen Thorslund: Private Practice, Gothenburg Ann Hanbert: Therapist and Author, Gothenburg Margareta Hyden: RIV Group, Linkoping, Social Work

13. Tapas Menu 17th Afternoon Tell it Like it Is: Developing Effective Social Responses to Violence and Adversity 18th Morning Small Acts of Living: From Treating Effects to Honouring Resistance 18th Afternoon Drops of Longing: Children’s Responses to Violence and Adversity Order of items may vary depending on freshness and seasonal availability

14. Jen Fran

15. Developing Response-Based Ideas in Practice Resistance to violence and small affronts is ever-present Perpetrators work to suppress victim resistance Violence is deliberate and controlled (with rare exceptions) Offenders are capable and already know how to be respectful Violence is unilateral: Actions by one person/group against the will of another This did not fit accepted views, discourses, methods: Raised questions If victims resist, why are they represented as passive, submissive? If violence is deliberate, why are offenders seen as out of control? If violence is unilateral, why is it seen as mutual? Analysis/research on language and violence Refined interviewing methods and writing to reflect more accurate view Tied language to social responses: Integrated in interviewing and analysis

16. Dignity

17. What is dignity? Social life is organized largely around the according and preserving of dignity. • Respect/worth: Self-respect & respect from others. - “self-esteem” and “social esteem” • Inclusion, belonging • Autonomy, freedom to think and act and “be” (identity) • Physical and psychological integrity (wholeness) • The ability to care forothers, especially loved ones • A sense of efficacy, agency, the ability to “make a difference” • An inherent quality of the person, in spiritual and human rights language • Created or violated in social interaction • Varies with culture and immediate social situations

18. Nelson Mandela I learned my lesson one day from an unruly donkey. We had been taking turns climbing up and down on its back and when my chance came I jumped on and the donkey bolted into a nearby thorn bush. It bent its head, trying to unseat me, which it did, but not before the thorns had pricked and scratched my face, embarrassing me in front of my friends. Like the people of the East, Africans have a highly developed sense of dignity, or what the Chinese call "face". I had lost face among my friends. Even though it was a donkey that unseated me, I learned that to humiliate another person is to make him suffer an unnecessarily cruel fate. Even as a boy, I defeated my opponents without dishonouring them. (1994, p. 11-12)

19. Dignity in social interaction • Courtesy, politeness, embedded commands • Deference to social station (e.g., elders, leaders/roles) • Responses to failed jokes • Micro-politics of the accidental fart • Advice-design and receipt • Example: Kieran in hand-out package

20. Dignity • Dignity is central to individual and collective well-being. • Affronts to dignity create immediate social “problems” that participants work to repair. • Humiliation is intense and requires “redress” or “repair”. Failure to supply “just redress” leaves an open social wound. • For many victims, humiliation is the primary affront, the most lasting and painful injury: “The bruises go away but you never forget what he said to you.” “He got my body but he didn’t get me.” • Responses and resistance are often oriented to preserving, asserting dignity • Recovery from violence is largely a struggle for dignity. • Our central task, whatever else we do, is to acknowledge the dignity to the victim

21. Social Responses How do friends, family, authorities, media, pets, organizations respond to interpersonal violence – to victims, offenders, children and others directly involved? How do victims and offenders respond to social responses, positive and negative? What information do we have on this subject? How can this information be used to create positive and socially just social responses? How can this information be used to prevent and limit violence, promote full recovery for victims, and provide effective sanctions for offenders?

22. Some Swedish Research on Social Responses NinniCarlsson: University of Gothenburg, Dept. of Social Work - Changes in social responses in the 1980’s made it more possible for girls and women to talk about experiences of sexual abuse and express open resistance. Ulla-Carin Hedin: University of Gothenburg, Dept. of Social Work - Social responses to whistleblowers Margareta Hyden: Linkoping - Victims and offenders social networks responses to wife-assault Lucas Forsberg: Linkoping - Men’s subjective experience of violence and responses to them by authorities, friends and families. Steig Larsson: Deceased - The Man who Hated Women (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)

23. LisbethSalander

24. Steig Larsson

25. Rainer Maria Rilke

26. First Duino Elegy Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels’ heirarchies? and even if one of them pressed me suddenly against his heart I would be consumed in that overwhelming existence. For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, which we are still just able to endure, and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us. Every angel is terrifying. And so I hold myself back and swallow the call-note of my dark sobbing. Ah, whom can we ever turn to in our need? Not angels, not humans, and already the knowing animals are aware that we are not really at home in our interpreted world. Rainer Maria Rilke

27. Some Research Results on Social Responses A majority of victims of violence report receiving negative social responses. What does “positive” and “negative” mean? Examples:Wife-assault, child sexualized abuse, bullying Friends, family, professionals, media Marginalized, disadvantaged people are more likely to receive negative social responses. Examples: LGBTQ, Aboriginal, Refugee, Disabled, Poor The quality of social responses may be the best single predictor of the level of victim distress.

28. Victims’ Responses to Social Responses Victims respond physically, emotionally, mentally, socially and spiritually to positive and negative social responses E.g., Epigenetic responses to social responses: Brenda Adams Victims who receive POSITIVE social responses: - tend to recover more quickly and fully - are more likely to work with authorities - are more likely to report violence in future Victims who receive NEGATIVE social responses: - less likely to cooperate with authorities - less likely to disclose violence again - more likely to experience distress - more likely to receive diagnosis of mental disorder

29. Victim and Offender Responses to Social Responses Victims and offenders are mindful of social responses Victims: Children/youth decide to tell, or not Secrecy to avoid judgment, isolation To keep children - knowing she will be blamed Protect children from abuser - knowing he will be protected Immediately during and after attacks (e.g., nightclub) Offenders: Isolation, secrecy, public appearances, surveillance Threats for telling, in home, on body not face, sudden control Excuses, justifications, denials, minimizing Mutualizing, blaming victim

30. Social Conditions and Social Responses: Understanding Offender Actions and Victim Responses/Resistance in Context Social responses actual and anticipated Social Conditions Offender actions,strategies Victim responses, resistance

31. Criminal Harassment 3 yrs. interrogation surveillance stalking threats Interaction of Victim & Offender “ tgthr” break tgthr distance break

32. Criminal Harassment 3 yrs. interrogation surveillance stalking threats tgthr Interaction of Victim & Offender break tgthr distance break Social Responses police prof. assoc. police police police, crown

33. Victim and Offender Responses and Social Responses in Context Individual Collective Responses Violence Adverse Actions Social situation Social Responses Victim Offender Social Context, Local Conditions Responses To Social Responses

34. Violence is Unilateral • Violence consists of actions by one person against the will and well being of another • Mutual Acts vs. Unilateral Acts • Hand-shaking vs. hand-shaking • Boxing • Kissing • Mutual acts entail consent, co-action, co-agency • Quote from anonymous Canadian genius

35. Unilateral Mutual • forced his mouth on hers • wife-assault, beating • forced vaginal penetration • beating, attack, assault • workplace bullying • invasion, genocide • international child rape • kiss • abusive relationships • sex, intercourse • fight, conflict, argument • personality conflict • war, conflict, historical relationship problem • sex tourist, sex with minors

36. Colonial Discourse Colonization has always been based upon the existence of need and dependency. Not all people are suitable for being colonized; only those who feel this need are suitable. In almost all cases where Europeans have founded colonies . . . we can say that they were expected, and even desired in the unconscious of their subjects. (Mannoni, 1947, cited in Macey)

37. Wife-Assault The partners’ characteristics hold them together. . . . As abused partners adapt and become more compliant . . . the partners’ characteristics make them increasingly dependent on one another. After prolonged abuse they develop complementary characteristics: aggressive/passive, demanding/compliant, blaming/accepting guilt.(Anonymous Family Violence Project, 2008)

38. Wife-assault, Sexualized Assault: Judge’s Remarks “The appellant & his wife engaged in an argument . . . . Mr. X became upset over something said during this argument. He thereupon grabbed his wife’s neck, squeezing it until she nearly lost consciousness. He then let go. This brought the argument to an end. That the earlier of the two assaults arose spontaneously in the course of an argument is not in dispute. To that extent it can be said to have been unpremeditated. He was willing to take counselling in reference to his anger & his marital problems. He expressed his deep remorse for what had happened & his desire to improve the marriage. They went to bed and he said, ‘Jane, I’ll have to screw you one more time’, and he had intercourse with her. . . . It is obvious difficulties were present in the marriage.”

39. Assumed Equivalence in a Mutualizing Frame (with apologies for the heteronormative pronouns) he had sex with her she had sex with him they had sex together he kissed her she kissed him they kissed she was in a loving relationship he was in a loving relationship they jointly created a loving relationship she was in an abusive relationship he was in an abusive relationship they jointly created an abusive relationship

40. Lulea Woman Charged with Illegal Money Sharing Response-Based Wire Service Lulea. Police arrestedTanya Jendersenyesterday for allegedly illegally sharing money in the amount of $500,000.00, from the Bank ofLulea. The bank clerk, who agreed to the transaction when a gun was pointed at her face, was unhurt. “I’m just happy the incident is over”, said Kerri Lightly, who has participated in three similar transactions in recent years. “I don’t know why these customers choose me”, she said. The bank manager, Mr. R.E. Tentive, stressed that Ms. Lightly would receive “psychiatric help to address her anxiety and ensure she no longer attracts greedy customers.” Tanya Jendersenwas released on conditionthat she haveno contact with bank clerks and attends specialized treatment for “wealthophelia”, a congenital disorder, more common in first degree biological relatives, characterized by the compulsive pursuit of illegally obtained financial independence.

41. Mutualizing • Obscures and reduces offender responsibility • Is associated with reduced sentences • Co-opts victim consent • Portrays victim as co-agent, co-responsible • Conceals victim resistance • Blames, pathologizes victim • Influences descriptions in diverse settings (e.g., courts)

42. Mutualizing Interventions • workplace abuse ~ conflict resolution • child/spouse abuse ~ mediation • bullying ~ non-violent communication • genocide ~ reconciliation

43. Jeremy Mutualizing in responses to racism.

44. Sexualized Assault of Minor Judge’s Remarks (2004) In January of 1997, shortly after Hazel moved into this new “safe” home, Gordon Hunter (foster parent) began to have sexual intercourse with her. The first incident took place in a caravan parked in front of the home, where Gordon was repairing a water system and Hazel was watching him work. He began to kiss Hazel, pushed her onto a bed in the trailer. He withdrew a condom from his pocket and removed her clothing. He proceeded to sexually assault Hazel, who was 11 years old, a peri-pubescent girl. Notwithstanding the order to stay away from Hazel, the accused continued to meet and sexually assault her until early in 1998. On at least one occasion the accused had sexual intercourse with Hazel in a public park. The sexual relationship of Mr. Hunter and Hazel was disclosed early in the proceedings.

45. Hazel intercourse sexual intercourse sexual intercourse with her began to have sexual intercourse with her relationship sexual relationship the sexual relationship the sexual relationship of Mr. Hunter and Hazel the sexual relationship of Mr. Hunter and Hazel was disclosed

46. Macleans Magazine (2009): Priest sexually assaults three boys In 1969, John Swales and his brothers attended a summer camp for low income kids where they met a charming, larger than life volunteer named Father Barry Glendinning. [T]he priest soon became a surrogate big brother. He gained the trust of the boys’ parents, showered them with pizzas, movies and booze, and, when opportunity knocked, introduced them to sex. John was 10 years old when the first assault took place. “You name it, he did it,” Swales says. “The impact is so intense and so deep-rooted it is beyond my ability to express it. When you have sex at the age of 10 with your priest, it’s pretty weird.” John’s family won a landmark $1.3-million judgment against Glendinning and the London diocese, but not before a bitter court battle that dragged on for years

47. Priest sex to sex them to sex introduced them to sex when opportunity knocked, introduced them to sex sex have sex have sex at the age of 10 with you have sex at the age of 10 with your priest when you have sex at the age of 10 with your priest its pretty weird

48. Kamloops man accused of procuring sex with child Vancouver Province Newspaper 2009 A 33 year-old man who allegedly wanted to purchase sex from a three-to-five-year-old girl remained in police custody Monday. The man was arrested Saturday night at a home in Kamloops where he went believing he was to meet a young child for sex. Police received a report from a person who said they had received a text message from the suspect. “The text allegedly asked the person to provide the suspect with a three-to-five-year-old girl for sex, and that he would pay for the service by way of a finder’s fee”, said Sgt. Scott Wilson. The man was arrested for procuring for sexual purposes under Sec. 212 of the Criminal Code. Wilson said the suspect is known to police and was charged with a sexual-related offence with a person under 12 years of age in 2008. He was convicted of sex assault in 1999, police added.

49. Kamloops man sex sex from sex from a three-to-five-year-old girl purchase sex from a three-to-five-year-old girl wanted to purchase sex from a three-to-five-year-old girl sex for sex a young child for sex meet a young child for sex believing he was to meet a young child for sex

50. Kamloops man cont’d sexual sexual purposes for sexual purposes procuring for sexual purposes the man was arrested for procuring for sexual purposes