Conflict Management

1. Conflict Management Solving the Puzzle

2. Communication Problems • You may not be talking to each other • Trying to impress • Trying to trip other side • You may not be hearing each other • Thinking of what you want to say next • Other distractions • Not understanding their language • Words are easily misunderstood • “A Problem Well Defined is a Problem Half Solved” • Assuming that what is important to you is important to everyone

3. Perceptions Remember: Your perceptions can be as inaccurate as you perceive their perceptions to be. I know you think you understood what you thought I said, but what you don’t understand is that what you heard was not what I meant to say!

4. Conflict Builds with Unsatisfied Needs • Conflict is the result of: • Incompatible needs and wants • Limited consumable resources (time and goods) • Differences in ideals or opinions • Childhood Examples: • There is one cookie remaining. Two children want it. • Johnny wants to play but mom says it is nap time. • Two children want to push the button on the elevator.

5. Conflict Builds with Unsatisfied Needs • Conflict can arise between • Individuals • Departments (intra-company) • Institutions (between companies) • Nations • Ethnic Groups • Congregations • Neighbors • Rival Schools • Etc…

6. The Language of Conflict • How does our society represent conflict through language? • Group Exercise: Look for examples of conflict (battle imagery, boxing metaphors). List sayings that express “common wisdom” about conflict (“If you’re not a winner, you’re a loser.” “There are two sides to every argument.”). Compare popular television shows dealing with controversy ( Face-Off, Hard Ball, Survivor, NFL). • Discuss: What beliefs about conflict do these examples represent and perpetuate? • Belief Scale: List some common beliefs about conflict (conflicts lead to fights, the world is made up of the haves and the have not). Discuss where these beliefs come from.

7. Antecedents to Conflict • Ambiguous jurisdiction – Who’s in charge? Who has final say? • Conflict of interest – Competition for limited resources • Communication barriers – Time, space, terminology, physical, etc. • Over-dependency on one party – … for resources, input, task accomplishment, etc. • Differentiation within the organization – levels of authority, types of tasks • Association of the parties – Leads to more opportunities for conflict; however, major conflict incidents decrease • Need for consensus – Escalation when all must agree • Behavior regulations – Potential for differing interpretations • Unresolved prior conflicts – Build-up can lead to explosion; underscores need to resolve each as they arise

8. Resolution Modes • Withdrawal. Retreating or withdrawing from an actual or potential disagreement. • Smoothing. De-emphasizing or avoiding areas of difference and emphasizing areas of agreement. • Compromising. Bargaining and searching for solutions that bring some degree of satisfaction to the parties in a dispute. Characterized by a “give-and-take” attitude. • Forcing. Exerting one’s viewpoint at the potential expense of another. Often characterized by competitiveness and a win-lose situation. • Confrontation. Facing the conflict directly, which involves a problem-solving approach whereby affected parties work through their disagreements.

9. Resolution Procedures • Pausing and thinking before reacting • Building trust • Trying to understand the conflict motives • Listening to all involved parties • Maintaining a give-and-take attitude • Educating others tactfully on your views • Being willing to say when you were wrong

10. Independent Resolution Mediation Intervention Prevention Methods Offer Alternatives

11. Effective Negotiation Resolves Conflict Ineffective Effective • Positional Negotiations result in win-loose settlements • Feuding parties stand firm to their position • Individuals become the center of the feud – “You” • Conflict continues until one side surrenders • Results • Loser may be demoralized, upset, angry, seek revenge • Winner may become more stubborn Positional Negotiations Principled Negotiations

12. Effective Negotiation Resolves Conflict Ineffective Effective • Principled Negotiations result in win-win agreements • Focus on the problem, not individuals • Focus on the interests of parties involved, not positions • Focus on creative resolutions • Ensure that the outcome provides mutual gain • Results • Both sides win because both are enriched and improved • Working relationships are strengthened Positional Negotiations Principled Negotiations

13. Intervention Diffuses the Conflict • Conflicts require intervention as a last measure when: • Individuals are stubborn • Emotions are running too high • The conflict produces negative side-effects • Bodily or material harm becomes a possibility

14. Why Learn Negotiation? • Negotiation is a critical business skill • Nearly everyone negotiates • Very few are really good at it • Effective negotiators are more productive • The skill will set you apart from the competition • As a skill, you need to WANT to do it • As a skill, you must practice • As a skill, you will be able to reduce conflict

15. Account/ Opportunity Research/ Qualification Proposal Negotiate Close If you wait until now,it’s too late! Negotiation Life Cycle

16. Account Research/ Qualification Opportunity/ Proposal Negotiate Deal Close Negotiation Life Cycle Move the negotiation dial to the beginning • Identify negotiating value elements • Deal structuring

17. Negotiation Planning • Define your own goals, your opponent’s goals the ones you share and the conflict. • Define your strategy and tactics. • Gather the facts • Perform a complete price/cost analysis • Define the things you are willing to trade and their value to your opponent. Do the same for the other side: what might they offer you and how much is it worth to you. • Define your BATNA (Best Alternative To Negotiated Agreement). • Realize that you are not weaker or stronger than your opponents. • Get every prospect and customer to say "No one ever asked me that before." • Always enter negotiations with your ethics and character intact • Always leave negotiations with your ethics and character intact

18. The Third Side William L. Ury

19. "When spider webs unite, they can halt even a lion."African Proverb • So much depends on our ability to handle our conflicts peacefully - our happiness at home, our performance at work, and the livability of our communities. • The Third Side is the community - us - in action protecting our most precious interests in safety and well-being. Each of our individual actions is like a single spider web, fragile perhaps but, when united with others, capable of halting the lion of war. Although the Third Side is in its infancy in our modern-day societies, it has been used effectively by simpler cultures for millennia to reduce violence and promote dialogue.

20. What is the Third Side? • The Third Side is a way of looking at the conflicts around us not just from one side or the other but from the larger perspective of the surrounding community. • Taking the Third Side means • Seeking to understand both sides of the conflict • Encouraging a process of cooperative negotiation • Supporting a wise solution - one that fairly meets the essential needs of both sides and the community You can have natural sympathies for one side or the other and still choose to take the Third Side.

21. The Challenge • What will it take to transform • Destructive conflict into… • Constructive conflict?

22. Two Sides of the Conflict Side 1 Side 2

23. The Third Side of the Conflict Side 3 Side 1 Side 2

24. Who is the Third Side? Outsiders ( managers, peers, neutrals, bystanders) 1 1 Insiders (parties themselves) Side 1 Side 2

25. Conflict Exercise • This exercise is designed to give you an opportunity to tell others about your experiences resolving conflict constructively. By sharing a personal story about how you helped deal with a conflict constructively you are also explaining how you have acted as Thirdsiders without even knowing it. • Briefly explain a conflict that you helped deal with constructively – whether it friends, a family member, a coworker, etc… • You should present a scenario, describing the context and parties involved, and then shift to how things ultimately were constructively managed.

26. What Will It Take? A Mobilized Community Acting Systematically Motivated by a New Story

27. A Mobilized Community Everyone is a Thirdsider

28. Acting Systematically Focus on Prevention Resolution Containment

29. Escalation of Conflict Destructive Violence Power Struggle Overt Conflict Latent Tensions

30. Why Conflict Escalates Destructive Violence Power Struggle Overt Conflict Frustrated needs Poor skills Weak relationships Latent Tensions

31. Why Conflict Escalates Destructive Violence Power Struggle Conflicting interests Disputed rights Unequal power Injured relationships Overt Conflict Latent Tensions

32. Why Conflict Escalates Destructive Violence No attention No limitation No protection Power Struggle Overt Conflict Latent Tensions

33. Catching Conflict Before it Escalates Destructive Violence Contain Power Struggle Overt Conflict Latent Tensions Resolve Prevent

34. Fighting is ... Inevitable We have always fought It is human nature There is no other way Preventable Coexistence for 99% It is human choice There is the Third Side

35. References • http://www.managementhelp.org/intrpsnl/basics.htm • http://www2.ctic.purdue.edu/KYW/Brochures/ManageConflict.html • http://www.ncte.org/profdev/online/ideas/116456.htm • http://www.thirdside.org/tools.cfm