Personality Psychology, Lecture 8 Self-Esteem, Narcissism, Attachment Style, and Repression

1. Personality Psychology, Lecture 8Self-Esteem, Narcissism, Attachment Style, and Repression  Professor Ian McGregor Begin with REM everybody hurts video�the one of him in the turquoise shirt�example of psychosocial need to not be alone�and the pain that can come from feeling alone. Average was 74% on last quiz!! (nice work). Don�t let it go to your head� Then, I�m too sexy: video�example of narcissism (escape from pain of rejection or loneliness) Theme in today�s lecture�psychosocial perspective�social pain, either at Stage 1, or maybe even at stage 6, can stunt your development if you get fixated on it, i.e., if you act defensively and repress the related feelings by going to extremes (e.g., of grandiose, dismissive narcissism)� will never learn to accept and process the emotions constructively Geoff MacDonald�s Research on Social Pain and Physical Pain�mediated by some of the same brain areas��feelings are hurt,� �painful� breakup�might even describe them as excruciating� Social bonds are particularly important� Story about Daughter Chloe: Morning ritual�I usually sit with her outside on the front porch to have my coffee in the morning, and she sits on my lap and eats pieces of my raisin toast�it is our best Daddy-Daughter bonding time--has become a regular ritual. I was late the other morning and had to rush out�when she saw that she wasn�t going to get her connection with me that morning she got upset�and wouldn�t have any of my explanations about why I had to go�started crying and then ran into the kitchen�pulled at the freezer door and began asking, �ice, ice, ice.� This is a core tenet of the psychosocial perspective�that social dynamics of care and responsiveness are pivotal for the process of personality development�loneliness and rejection is painfulBegin with REM everybody hurts video�the one of him in the turquoise shirt�example of psychosocial need to not be alone�and the pain that can come from feeling alone. Average was 74% on last quiz!! (nice work). Don�t let it go to your head� Then, I�m too sexy: video�example of narcissism (escape from pain of rejection or loneliness) Theme in today�s lecture�psychosocial perspective�social pain, either at Stage 1, or maybe even at stage 6, can stunt your development if you get fixated on it, i.e., if you act defensively and repress the related feelings by going to extremes (e.g., of grandiose, dismissive narcissism)� will never learn to accept and process the emotions constructively Geoff MacDonald�s Research on Social Pain and Physical Pain�mediated by some of the same brain areas��feelings are hurt,� �painful� breakup�might even describe them as excruciating� Social bonds are particularly important� Story about Daughter Chloe: Morning ritual�I usually sit with her outside on the front porch to have my coffee in the morning, and she sits on my lap and eats pieces of my raisin toast�it is our best Daddy-Daughter bonding time--has become a regular ritual. I was late the other morning and had to rush out�when she saw that she wasn�t going to get her connection with me that morning she got upset�and wouldn�t have any of my explanations about why I had to go�started crying and then ran into the kitchen�pulled at the freezer door and began asking, �ice, ice, ice.� This is a core tenet of the psychosocial perspective�that social dynamics of care and responsiveness are pivotal for the process of personality development�loneliness and rejection is painful

2. Lecture 8 Outline Erikson�s Final Stages The Learning Assumption (and video) Adult Attachment Styles and Repression Genetics and Parenting Borderline and Narcissistic Personalities Explicit and Implicit Self-Esteem

3. Quiz Next Week How is insecure attachment learned and how might it relate to the developmental theories of Rogers, Maslow, Freud, Erikson, Adler, and Horney? (5 marks) How are emotion and goal regulation related to optimal and stunted psychosocial development? (3 marks) (total of four double spaced pages for both answers) Q1: Hints-- Think of the Motivation and Reward in Learning video and the Learning reading when answering the �how� part of Q1�for the rest of the question describe how the main ideas of attachment theory may relate similar ideas presented by the other theorists. Q2: Hints-- In this question I am hoping you will apply some of the main ideas from the goal regulation lectures, and view progress or fixation through the psychosocial stages in goal-regulation terms. You will need to remember how approach and avoidance motivation relate to happy and anxious feelings, and how they relate to narrowing or vigilant widening of attention. You should also remember that ideals are essentially goals, and Freud�s early claim about what the mechanism of repression is�Q1: Hints-- Think of the Motivation and Reward in Learning video and the Learning reading when answering the �how� part of Q1�for the rest of the question describe how the main ideas of attachment theory may relate similar ideas presented by the other theorists. Q2: Hints-- In this question I am hoping you will apply some of the main ideas from the goal regulation lectures, and view progress or fixation through the psychosocial stages in goal-regulation terms. You will need to remember how approach and avoidance motivation relate to happy and anxious feelings, and how they relate to narrowing or vigilant widening of attention. You should also remember that ideals are essentially goals, and Freud�s early claim about what the mechanism of repression is�

4. Erikson: Psychosocial Development 1. Basic Trust 2. Autonomy 3. Initiative 4. Industry 5. Identity 6. Intimacy 7. Generativity 8. Integrity

5. 5. Identity vs. Role Confusion Adolescents and young adults try to figure out �Who am I?� They establish sexual, ethnic, and career identities, or are confused about what future roles to play. Finding self, Piaget, genital, E, O, C, N Erikson�s life Marcia�s identity statuses From success to integrity�the integrity shift Related to self-realization and self-actualization of Horney, Rogers, and Maslow The Greek and Rogerian injunction to Know thyself! Is reflected in self-help aisles that overflow with books about the importance of how to be yourself, find yourself, get in touch with yourself, be authentic, follow your inner guide� HOW!? KNOW THYSELF Freud and Jung: make unconscious conscious Avoid introjected (should) in favour of intrinsic (want) goals and identities Klinger: Meaning and void (avoid goals that are vulnerable to habituation, disillusionment)-- Intrinsic motivation: competence, autonomy, relatedness Resist being seduced by the American Dream of fame and financial success as the key to happiness (extrinsic) Be True to traits (know what they are and be sensitive to them) Strive for narrative coherence across diverse self-elements (see following slides) Difficult and threatening�sometimes tempting to avoid. Kierkegaard: urge to tranquilize self with trivial; Tolstoy�death of Ivan Illych But not advisable to not stay in diffusion (Marcia) like �Running boy.� Crisis and conflict is necessary. The Greek and Rogerian injunction to Know thyself! Is reflected in self-help aisles that overflow with books about the importance of how to be yourself, find yourself, get in touch with yourself, be authentic, follow your inner guide� HOW!? KNOW THYSELF Freud and Jung: make unconscious conscious Avoid introjected (should) in favour of intrinsic (want) goals and identities Klinger: Meaning and void (avoid goals that are vulnerable to habituation, disillusionment)-- Intrinsic motivation: competence, autonomy, relatedness Resist being seduced by the American Dream of fame and financial success as the key to happiness (extrinsic) Be True to traits (know what they are and be sensitive to them) Strive for narrative coherence across diverse self-elements (see following slides) Difficult and threatening�sometimes tempting to avoid. Kierkegaard: urge to tranquilize self with trivial; Tolstoy�death of Ivan Illych But not advisable to not stay in diffusion (Marcia) like �Running boy.� Crisis and conflict is necessary.

6. Rogers: Client Centered Therapy Reality and congruence Responsibility: Non-directive (autonomy support). Client growth motive�people want to be good! Organismic valuing process Actualizing tendency Permission to explore and express feelings Unconditional, non-evaluative positive regard Compassionate perspective-taking�active listening Fully functioning person Open to wide experience and feelings Present in the here and now (not remote or preoccupied) Organismic trusting Accepts freedom and responsibility for self-direction Rogerian Therapy provides a nice model for how to develop and maintain an identity. This kind of mirroring and validation is what we would ideally get from parents at basic trust stage�Rogers therapy is a surrogate�. Mature relationships will also provide some of this support� Rogerian Therapy provides a nice model for how to develop and maintain an identity. This kind of mirroring and validation is what we would ideally get from parents at basic trust stage�Rogers therapy is a surrogate�. Mature relationships will also provide some of this support�

7. Lady of Shalott (Tennyson, 1843, Waterhouse, 1888, 1894)http://charon.sfsu.edu/TENNYSON/TENNLADY.HTML Link to the poem (for your own interest only�not on the tests) is http://charon.sfsu.edu/TENNYSON/TENNLADY.HTML This poem can be read as an allegory of a young women moving from a solitary, closed identity to a life that is engaged with the social world of intimacy and generativity, i.e., immersing herself in the stream of social life, and being willing to risk hardship (well, she dies actually) for the sake of having a fully rich and beautiful life. Intimacy requires the ability to bracket one�s own needs and goals, and to engage or �encounter� the other in an �I-Thou� kind of way. Maslow makes the distinction between Being-Love (or B-Love) and Deficiency-Love (D-Love), from the perspective of his view that the lower stages in his hierarchy of needs (from safety to esteem and belongingness) are focused on �deficiency� needs. Only self-actualization focuses on a �being� need. The �I-Thou� relationship (described by philosopher Martin Buber) requires a reverent and open capacity for perspective-taking with the other, and commitment to resisting the temptation to label and dismiss others as examples of what you already know. I-Thou relating requires one to compassionately see the other as more than one�s idea or mental representation of the other. This is very much the way that Rogers encountered Gloria. Indeed, it is very much the way that responsive parenting can confer basic trust in toddlers�the capacity to make the interaction about the other, rather than about oneself. In Erikson�s stage model, one must first consolidate personal identity, and feel comfortable with who one is oneself, before one can get on with accomplishing the intimacy stage. From a goals perspective, this is because personal, more selfish goals will run interference with B-loving goals unless one has already satisfied personal identity-related goals, and the previous-stage-related goals that focus on what Maslow would call deficiency needs. (recall that completed goals tend to be suppressed, freeing up resources for subsequent goals). Note: This is not complete self-surrender�this is maintenance of self and bounaries while at the same time being open to others on their terms�Link to the poem (for your own interest only�not on the tests) is http://charon.sfsu.edu/TENNYSON/TENNLADY.HTML This poem can be read as an allegory of a young women moving from a solitary, closed identity to a life that is engaged with the social world of intimacy and generativity, i.e., immersing herself in the stream of social life, and being willing to risk hardship (well, she dies actually) for the sake of having a fully rich and beautiful life. Intimacy requires the ability to bracket one�s own needs and goals, and to engage or �encounter� the other in an �I-Thou� kind of way. Maslow makes the distinction between Being-Love (or B-Love) and Deficiency-Love (D-Love), from the perspective of his view that the lower stages in his hierarchy of needs (from safety to esteem and belongingness) are focused on �deficiency� needs. Only self-actualization focuses on a �being� need. The �I-Thou� relationship (described by philosopher Martin Buber) requires a reverent and open capacity for perspective-taking with the other, and commitment to resisting the temptation to label and dismiss others as examples of what you already know. I-Thou relating requires one to compassionately see the other as more than one�s idea or mental representation of the other. This is very much the way that Rogers encountered Gloria. Indeed, it is very much the way that responsive parenting can confer basic trust in toddlers�the capacity to make the interaction about the other, rather than about oneself. In Erikson�s stage model, one must first consolidate personal identity, and feel comfortable with who one is oneself, before one can get on with accomplishing the intimacy stage. From a goals perspective, this is because personal, more selfish goals will run interference with B-loving goals unless one has already satisfied personal identity-related goals, and the previous-stage-related goals that focus on what Maslow would call deficiency needs. (recall that completed goals tend to be suppressed, freeing up resources for subsequent goals). Note: This is not complete self-surrender�this is maintenance of self and bounaries while at the same time being open to others on their terms�

8. 6. Intimacy vs. Isolation  Young adults seek companionship and love with another person or become isolated from others. Caring for another; relatedness; widening circle of concern, coping with the �hell is others,� altruism, N, E, A,O,C B-love, D-love, I-Thou, perspective-taking, therapeutic climate vs. Horney�s neurotic needs and self-absorption Relationships and the dialogical self (values and worth). Identity negotiation. Positive illusions. intimacy vs. isolation (eye-contact vs. masks) ********Next stages entail a widening circle of concern�increased meaning�coherence across time and context (socially and temporally). Perspective-taking�caring for wellbeing of another�identity must have room for that, otherwise it will always face social censure. Life is inherently interdependent. People who don�t care about others are pariahs. People are tolerant of self-focus in early stages of career building, but eventually it wears thin if it remains a preoccupation into later adulthood. ***Must learn to harmonize with others. Transition through the stages of adult development can also be understood in terms of goal conflict. Other people can represent a challenge to the values and identifications that individuals try to make for themselves in their independent identities. Other people�s alternative perspectives in life raise the possibility that one�s own personal commitments may not be �objectively true.� This reminds people that their identity commitments are subjectively chosen, and undermines pretensions of objectivity. High level aspects of identity such as values and identifications (or �system concepts� in goal language) can be threatened by this social conflict, and if so, then subordinate goals in the goal hierarchy become disrupted. This is what Sartre was talking about with his claim that �hell is others� Weaving compassionate (related to this stage) and generative (related to the next stage) themes into identity can help alleviate nagging uncertainty or conflict raised by social conflict about what to value, and make goals on the social plane less �hellish� (i.e., less filled with conflict). Intimacy Must have a strong sense of identity to have an intimate relationship because if one's identity is absent or weak, one will either try to be who the other wants one to be, or try to insist that the partner support and/or adopt one's own identity for support. Unable to let the person be different and appreciate that person for who they are. Also, one tends to guard one's identity (which is exposed to the other) in an intimate relationship � and become hypersensitive to criticism. Some (see references below to Aron; Hermans; Swann) to have suggested that good relationships involve some degree of including the other in the self�a dialogical self, in which identity is explored and negotiated in the safe context of the relationship. The advantage of this is the reality checks and stability of perspective that the other can bring. Research by Murray and Holmes and colleagues at the University of Waterloo has found that relationships thrive and improve over time when partners have positive illusions about one-another�not wholesale delusions, just a tendency to have a charitable interpretation of their partners� weaknesses. This resembles the therapeutic effect of Rogers� unconditional positive regard in therapy sessions with his clients. intimacy vs. isolation (eye-contact vs. masks) ********Next stages entail a widening circle of concern�increased meaning�coherence across time and context (socially and temporally). Perspective-taking�caring for wellbeing of another�identity must have room for that, otherwise it will always face social censure. Life is inherently interdependent. People who don�t care about others are pariahs. People are tolerant of self-focus in early stages of career building, but eventually it wears thin if it remains a preoccupation into later adulthood. ***Must learn to harmonize with others. Transition through the stages of adult development can also be understood in terms of goal conflict. Other people can represent a challenge to the values and identifications that individuals try to make for themselves in their independent identities. Other people�s alternative perspectives in life raise the possibility that one�s own personal commitments may not be �objectively true.� This reminds people that their identity commitments are subjectively chosen, and undermines pretensions of objectivity. High level aspects of identity such as values and identifications (or �system concepts� in goal language) can be threatened by this social conflict, and if so, then subordinate goals in the goal hierarchy become disrupted. This is what Sartre was talking about with his claim that �hell is others� Weaving compassionate (related to this stage) and generative (related to the next stage) themes into identity can help alleviate nagging uncertainty or conflict raised by social conflict about what to value, and make goals on the social plane less �hellish� (i.e., less filled with conflict). Intimacy Must have a strong sense of identity to have an intimate relationship because if one's identity is absent or weak, one will either try to be who the other wants one to be, or try to insist that the partner support and/or adopt one's own identity for support. Unable to let the person be different and appreciate that person for who they are. Also, one tends to guard one's identity (which is exposed to the other) in an intimate relationship � and become hypersensitive to criticism. Some (see references below to Aron; Hermans; Swann) to have suggested that good relationships involve some degree of including the other in the self�a dialogical self, in which identity is explored and negotiated in the safe context of the relationship. The advantage of this is the reality checks and stability of perspective that the other can bring. Research by Murray and Holmes and colleagues at the University of Waterloo has found that relationships thrive and improve over time when partners have positive illusions about one-another�not wholesale delusions, just a tendency to have a charitable interpretation of their partners� weaknesses. This resembles the therapeutic effect of Rogers� unconditional positive regard in therapy sessions with his clients.

9. 7. Generativity vs. Stagnation  Middle-age adults are productive, performing meaningful work and raising a family, or become stagnant and inactive. Caring for society and future; relatedness; still wider circle of concern, A, E, C (family�low O) Goals beyond death, communal goals and shared reality, disidentification with personal goals (Eastern and Western wisdom traditions) McAdams� redemption narratives Promotes Integrity vs. Despair (final stage) Erikson�s intimacy and generativity stages represent this social blossoming. Widening meanings from personal individual self to care for another (intimacy) and then others and society more generally (generativity). When one has extended oneself to others in adult development, one will be able to face death with equanimity in the final stage of integrity (vs. despair). Erikson�s integrity stage resembles Rogers� and Maslow�s ideas about fully-functioning and self-actualized people. Peace of mind and broadened meanings that are non-defensively open to reality and others� perspectives provide the basis for what Maslow called �Peak� or �Oceanic� experiences. Acceptance and care for others was a feature of both Rogers� and Maslow�s ideas about self-actualization and full functioning. (see also Horney, Adler, and Fromm) Generative commitments are other centered and communal, and so have a relatively high likelihood of being consensually endorsed by others. (As opposed to more narrowly selfish commitments). This relieves the likelihood of experiencing ambient social conflict for one�s goals, and thereby facilitates unimpeded approach motivation toward high-level goals and the associated experience of �flow� and meaning. The other way that the later adult development stages can be seen in terms of relieving goal conflict is that generativity extends goals into the future and across a wider, shared social network. In this way, reflecting on the unavoidable reality of personal death does not threaten generative goals in the same extent that it threatens personal goals that are terminated by death. Generative goals can continue to thrive after one is dead. Eastern and Western wisdom traditions (last lecture) emphasize disidentification with ego. Last frontier to increase meaning. All in same soup�independent self is an illusion. Interpersonal conflict has same intrapsychic flow-depressing effect as within-person conflict. Identity slide�meanings have to make sense of interpersonal elements to the socially extended self�like the lady of Shalott�beyond self-focused island to wider world, even though it entails struggle and eventually acceptance of death. Much of the research on generativity has been done by Dan McAdams at Northwestern University. I spent a year with him on a post-doc before coming here. Shows evidence of the same kind of transition from early support to development of personal strength, to courage and commitment to give back to society as a generative adult. Highly generative adults in his research reported redemptive life-stories that involved personal vulnerability at a critical point in their early life, and then a fortuitous event that rescued them (often a helpful person involved), and allowed them to become powerful. As adults they report wanting to give back to society out of gratitude for what they feel they received. The less generative adults were more likely to tell contamination stories that involved critical events early in life that spoiled or thwarted their potential, leaving them feeling permanently wounded or cheated. Erikson�s intimacy and generativity stages represent this social blossoming. Widening meanings from personal individual self to care for another (intimacy) and then others and society more generally (generativity). When one has extended oneself to others in adult development, one will be able to face death with equanimity in the final stage of integrity (vs. despair). Erikson�s integrity stage resembles Rogers� and Maslow�s ideas about fully-functioning and self-actualized people. Peace of mind and broadened meanings that are non-defensively open to reality and others� perspectives provide the basis for what Maslow called �Peak� or �Oceanic� experiences. Acceptance and care for others was a feature of both Rogers� and Maslow�s ideas about self-actualization and full functioning. (see also Horney, Adler, and Fromm) Generative commitments are other centered and communal, and so have a relatively high likelihood of being consensually endorsed by others. (As opposed to more narrowly selfish commitments). This relieves the likelihood of experiencing ambient social conflict for one�s goals, and thereby facilitates unimpeded approach motivation toward high-level goals and the associated experience of �flow� and meaning. The other way that the later adult development stages can be seen in terms of relieving goal conflict is that generativity extends goals into the future and across a wider, shared social network. In this way, reflecting on the unavoidable reality of personal death does not threaten generative goals in the same extent that it threatens personal goals that are terminated by death. Generative goals can continue to thrive after one is dead. Eastern and Western wisdom traditions (last lecture) emphasize disidentification with ego. Last frontier to increase meaning. All in same soup�independent self is an illusion. Interpersonal conflict has same intrapsychic flow-depressing effect as within-person conflict. Identity slide�meanings have to make sense of interpersonal elements to the socially extended self�like the lady of Shalott�beyond self-focused island to wider world, even though it entails struggle and eventually acceptance of death. Much of the research on generativity has been done by Dan McAdams at Northwestern University. I spent a year with him on a post-doc before coming here. Shows evidence of the same kind of transition from early support to development of personal strength, to courage and commitment to give back to society as a generative adult. Highly generative adults in his research reported redemptive life-stories that involved personal vulnerability at a critical point in their early life, and then a fortuitous event that rescued them (often a helpful person involved), and allowed them to become powerful. As adults they report wanting to give back to society out of gratitude for what they feel they received. The less generative adults were more likely to tell contamination stories that involved critical events early in life that spoiled or thwarted their potential, leaving them feeling permanently wounded or cheated.

10. Neoanalytic theories Related to Intimacy and Generativity Horney�s Neurotic Needs and Coping Strategies Basic anxiety and hostility Moving toward, against, and away �Splitting� and neurotic �striving for glory� Either way, self-absorbed and unable to love others or be generative Adler�s �social interest� Socially useful types (versus ruling, leaning, avoiding) Fromm�s �productive mode� (**not required for quiz) Versus receptive, exploitive, hoarding, manipulating Escapes : authoritarian, destructive, conformist Horney: 10 Neurotic needs distilled to three Coping Strategies Basic Anxiety?Compliance = moving toward; = anxious attachment (avoidant personality factor) Basic Hostility?Aggressive = moving against; = dismissive attachment (approach-personality factor) Withdrawl = moving away from others (toward self) = dismissive attachment (approach-personality factor) Despised Self and Ideal Self?Neurotic person fluctuates back and forth. Ideal self exerts �tyranny of the shoulds� and a neurotic �striving for glory� Vascillating between these two false selves makes them alienated from their own true-self realization. Using later stages (for Horney, especially relationships) �inappropriately� to work out issues unresolved from earlier stages. Adler Highlights Social interest is the flowering of adult development. People who remain preoccupied with inferiority or superiority complexes can not bloom into socially generative people. Fail to reach human potential for meaning and fullness of being. Socially Useful Type versus ruling, leaning, and avoiding types (see sadistic and masochistic tendencies here�dominance or conformity) Fromm Highlights Authoritarianism, destructiveness, conformity as escapes from Freedom (not empowered to make decisions, can�t form identity, can�t make decisions). Receptive mode, exploitive mode, hoarding mode, manipulating mode, productive mode Horney: 10 Neurotic needs distilled to three Coping Strategies Basic Anxiety?Compliance = moving toward; = anxious attachment (avoidant personality factor) Basic Hostility?Aggressive = moving against; = dismissive attachment (approach-personality factor) Withdrawl = moving away from others (toward self) = dismissive attachment (approach-personality factor) Despised Self and Ideal Self?Neurotic person fluctuates back and forth. Ideal self exerts �tyranny of the shoulds� and a neurotic �striving for glory� Vascillating between these two false selves makes them alienated from their own true-self realization. Using later stages (for Horney, especially relationships) �inappropriately� to work out issues unresolved from earlier stages. Adler Highlights Social interest is the flowering of adult development. People who remain preoccupied with inferiority or superiority complexes can not bloom into socially generative people. Fail to reach human potential for meaning and fullness of being. Socially Useful Type versus ruling, leaning, and avoiding types (see sadistic and masochistic tendencies here�dominance or conformity) Fromm Highlights Authoritarianism, destructiveness, conformity as escapes from Freedom (not empowered to make decisions, can�t form identity, can�t make decisions). Receptive mode, exploitive mode, hoarding mode, manipulating mode, productive mode

11. 8. Integrity vs. Despair Older adults try to make sense out of their lives, either seeing life as a meaningful whole or despairing at goals never reached and questions never answered. Maturity: self-actualization, integrated meaning Must have capacity to care about and integrate with other people and society as well as within oneself Consensus and shared reality It is difficult to have a confident grasp on reality in isolation. Social consensus (but not blind conformity) helps give broader perspective and provides additional reality checks against personal delusions�sometimes truth is hard and one needs to consult with others (recall this theme in the first lecture on the Greeks�how they often consulted with Oracles, and figures who had access to altered states of conscience, to help them decide what to believe (see Hardin and Higgins reference below). Integrated people are not afraid to sometimes rely on shared reality. To some extent, values and worldviews are socially constructed and maintained.It is difficult to have a confident grasp on reality in isolation. Social consensus (but not blind conformity) helps give broader perspective and provides additional reality checks against personal delusions�sometimes truth is hard and one needs to consult with others (recall this theme in the first lecture on the Greeks�how they often consulted with Oracles, and figures who had access to altered states of conscience, to help them decide what to believe (see Hardin and Higgins reference below). Integrated people are not afraid to sometimes rely on shared reality. To some extent, values and worldviews are socially constructed and maintained.