Communicating with Emotional Intelligence

1. Communicating with Emotional Intelligence

2. Communication for Course Coordinators • Learning Outcomes • Develop strategies to monitor self talk and its influence on personal performance • Use a range of processes to reframe and manage interpersonal conflict • Recognise key communication competencies for leadership • Integrated Competing Values Framework • Mentor, Facilitator and Broker

3. Message Message Message Message Source Encoding Channel Decoding Receiver Feedback A Communication Model FUNCTIONS Inform Control Motivate Express Emotions

4. Emotional Intelligence(Goleman, 1995) • knowing your emotions – recognising feelings • managing your emotions – ability to shake off anger, anxiety and gloom • Motivating yourself – marshalling emotions for outside good – delaying gratification, impulsiveness • recognising emotions in others - empathy • handling relationships – skill in interpersonal skills such as conflict management, active listening.

5. Flight CancelledSam & John (Stein and Book, 2001)

6. The Open Loop of Emotions • ‘interpersonal limbic regulation’ Andy Amy Pre-frontal Cortex

7. Leadership style Climate Organisational performance Climate • Hay Group study on 4000 executives linked EI leadership styles to climate

8. Primal leadership styles • Resonant Leadership (positive r) • Visionary (.54): set clear directions and goals • Coaching (.46): help others to succeed, support • Affiliative (.43): build emotional bonds in the team • Democratic (.42): involve others in decisions that affect them • Dissonant Leadership (negative r) • Pacesetting (-.25): push for achieving higher targets • Commanding (- .26): use power through coercion/authority

9. Email (Resonant or Dissonant) Staff….. As per correspondence received from Linda Kristjanson (reproduced below) it is time for the Division to begin coordinating the RQF process by identifying eligible and assessable RQF researchers. Check the eligibiilty criteria listed below and advise your Head of School if you are eligible. The timelines are tight so move on this ASAP. Once we have a list of eligible researchers we need to then check that the necessary data is in SCRIPT and that the best four requirements forevidence have been fulfilled.  Questions? Direct them to Mary Smith by email Mary.Smith@curtin.edu.au Regards Tom Jones

10. Email (Resonant or Dissonant) Dear Colleagues, I don’t like to burden you with details about SCRIPT and RQF but we’re approaching some important deadlines that will affect our input into the RQF, which in turn has funding implications for the university. By early December we need to have our SCRIPT research publications lists complete and have nominated our four best publications. Tom and Mary are working at updating the publications records for staff and are very helpful with the details of SCRIPT. However we need your help. …. I’m not a SCRIPT data base guru but I’m happy to answer any questions about what the process is and why it matters. Please contact me if you have any queries. Best wishes, Jane

11. Self –Talk / Mindfulness • Self-talk is a concept which can be understood and developed so that an individual can become more competent by identifying negative thoughts and replacing them with positive self talk(Tice, 1995) which in turn, has a positive impact on their manner in communication.

12. Emotion What really happens…. Interpretation Thought belief Reaction Behavior Event Communication

13. Self –Talk Exercise “I have had a great many troubles in my life, and most never happened.” Mark Twain.

14. Catching Faulty Thinking (Ellis, 1995) • Exaggeration • Overgeneralisation • Shoulds/Musts • Having to Be Right • Catastrophizing • Awfulizing • Self-blaming • Mind-Reading • Fallacy of Fairness Fuels Thinking And Resultant Communication

15. Figure.. Ladder of Inference. Based on Ross (1994) p. 243)

16. The A - F Model for Challenging Beliefs(Zeus and Skiffington, 2002:187) • A Activating event or situation: giving a presentation in front of colleagues • B Self limiting belief: I must perform exceptionally well or my colleagues will think I am stupid – (self blaming, exaggeration, catastrophizing) • C Consequences of this belief (emotional or behavioral): anxiety, poor • concentration, defensiveness • D Disputing the self-limiting belief(s) have I never given a good presentation? Are all presentations perfect? Will people really laugh at me if I make a mistake? How have I reacted to other peoples presentations? • E Effective new beliefs: There is no evidence that my colleagues think or will think I am stupid if I do not perform exceptionally well. I have given great presentations before. I have received positive feedback from peers in the past. • F New feelings: More confident, able to approach the presentation as a challenge rather than an ordeal.

17. Managing Conflict Effects of conflict on group performance optimal level of conflict high Group performance low high low Conflict

18. Sources of Conflict in the Workplace • Work Overload*** • Work Underload • Conflicting Demands*** • Responsibility without Control*** • Win-lose situations***

19. With-holds • Are negative feelings we have towards others that inhibit our free expression (with-hold) • There are costs and benefits associated with a with hold • The more this with-hold is applied, the more negative experience escalates and takes control of your energy – because of avoidance

20. With-hold Exercise • Identify a person with whom you have a 'with-hold‘: you can keep this confidential…. • Discuss with your partner the nature of the 'with-hold‘: you don’t have to mention who it is with….. • What benefits do you receive by not addressing the 'with-hold' with the other person? • What costs are there associated with not addressing the 'with-hold' with the other person? • Write a statement that would allow you to express your 'with-hold'. • What is the result you expect/hope to achieve from taking action?

21. Being assertive when addressing a with-hold “I vs. You” • As an assertive person you can: • Initiate, maintain & terminate a conversation • Refuse unreasonable requests • Handle criticism • Express negative feelings • Stand up for yourself • Express positive feelings • Ask for clarification or make requests • Express active disagreement • Avoid justifying every opinion Aggressive Assertive Passive

22. Addressing the With-Hold Active Listening • Make an effort to listen • Make eye contact • Show interest, open body posture • Avoid distracting actions • Take in whole picture • Ask Questions, without judgement • Reflect. paraphrase, summarise • Don’t interrupt • Don’t talk over the other person • Test bias – evaluate the message • Be natural

23. Non-Verbal Messages Actions speak louder than words • 7 % of what we hear • 38% tone of voice (paralanguage) • 58% body language

24. Calibration and Synchronization CategoriesCalming “Amy or Andy” • Territorial Position – where/what space? • Body Language • Posture (how do they sit/balance) • Mobility • Gestures • Breathing • Facial expression • Muscular tension • Mouth – lower lip • Eye • Tonality • Values and how their expressed • Contextual Elements

25. The Meaning of Your Communication is the Response That You GetMerlevede, Bridoux and Vandamme (2001)