What is Emotional Intelligence? Capacity to recognize your feelings and the feelings of others. Emotional Intelligence Quotient – similar to measuring your IQ, your EIQ can directly correlate to how successful you are. Theory: once you learn to manage yourself, you can more easily manage others.
EI Resources • Books • Emotional Intelligence 2.0 • Working With Emotional Intelligence
EI At a Glance Personal Competence Social Competence Self-awareness Self-management Self-regulation skills Focus on you individually rather than on your interactions with others Ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies. Social-awareness Relationship management skills Ability to understand other people’s moods, behaviors and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships
EI Abilities • Observing • Looking at body language, your environment, etc. • Listening • Tone of voice, what isn’t being said? • Sensing/Intuiting • Your inner voice is telling you that something is going on that you may not be seeing or hearing. • Asking Pertinent Questions • Confirm what you are seeing, hearing, or sensing; increased information to prevent assumptions or judgments • Self-Awareness • Analyzing the clues based on your experiences, biases, assumptions, knowledge, etc. Be aware of your strengths and what you would like to improve upon.
3 Main Skills for Emotional Intelligence • Self-Awareness • Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions in the moment and your tendencies across situations • Self-Regulation • Managing one’s internal states, impulses, and resources • Motivation • Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals
Self-Awareness • Emotional awareness • Recognizing one’s emotions and their effects • Accurate self-assessment • Knowing one’s strengths and limits • Self-confidence • A strong sense of one’s worth and one’s self-work and capabilities • Self-reflection • Periods of self-reflection allows the willingness to tolerate the discomfort of focusing on feelings that may be negative as well as positive.
Examples of Self-Awareness What’s happening? What do you do? Trouble understanding your emotions Not fully appreciating the impact you have on others Not owning up to your shortcomings What are your shadows? Pause and determine what is triggering your response Observe the ripple effect of your behaviors. Ask others. Be more reflective about your behavior. Seek feedback. Other’s views can be a real eye-opener. Self-honesty & judgment (try to remain neutral yet objective)
Self-Regulation • Self-control • Keep disruptive emotions & impulses in check • Trustworthiness • Maintain standards of honesty & integrity • Conscientiousness • Take responsibility for personal performance • Adaptability • Remain flexible when handling change • Innovation • Becomfortable with novel ideas, approaches and new information
Tips for Self-Regulation • Self-awareness • Become an expert! • Listen • During difficult conversations, always let the other person finish speaking. This will decrease the tendency to rush to judgment, calms the other person down, and gives you time to see the big picture. • Step back • Picture the current situation in your head as if it weren’t happening to you. Now, how would/should you proceed? • Breathe • When all else fails, breathe! No matter what you are feeling, focus your attention on gradual, deep, even-paced breaths to help relax your body and clear your mind. When your head is clear, you are better able to see and choose the best course of action.
Motivation • Achievement drive • Strive to improve or meet a standard of excellence • Commitment • Align with the goals of the group or organization you are working with • Initiative • Be ready to act on opportunities • Optimism • Be persistent in pursuing goals despite obstacles and setbacks
REMINDERS • The more we judge ourselves, the more likely we are to not know ourselves and become defensive – blocking our ability to better understand ourselves. • We need to trust ourselves in order to trust other people. • Conflict creates stress – get to know yourself under stress. • Ask yourself: • What matters to me? • What pushes your buttons? • What are you feeling right now?
Resources • Myer’s Briggs • Better understand your personality type. • Free online version: Jung’s Typology • Ennaegram • Better understand what motivates you. • Free online version: Ennaegram Test • Strengths Finder 2.0 • Buy the book/code to take this online test that will help you identify your 5 strengths. • Free option: Identifying Strengths Handout
What is Social Intelligence? • Achieved through empathy and socialskills once you have developed your own Emotional Intelligence (EI). • Social competence • Social awareness & relationship management skills • Ability to understand other’s moods, behaviors, & motives
Empathy • Awareness of others’ feelings & concerns • Characterized by • Understanding others • Being able to sense other’s feelings and perspectives and taking an active interest in their concerns • Developing others • Sensing others’ development needs and bolstering their abilities • Service orientation • Anticipating, recognizing, and meeting others’ needs • Leveling diversity • Cultivating opportunities through different kinds of people • Political awareness • Reading a group’s emotional currents and power relationships
Social Skills • Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others • Characterized by • Influence - wielding effective tactics for persuasion • Communication - listening, opening, and sending convincing messages • Conflict management - negotiating and resolving disagreements • Leadership - inspiring and guiding individuals and groups • Change Catalyst - initiating or managing change • Building bonds - nurturing instrumental relationships • Collaboration & Cooperation - working with others toward shared goals • Team Capabilities - creating group synergy in pursing collective goals
EI Strategies • Don’t treat your feelings as good or bad. • Observe the “ripple effect” from your emotions. • Lean into your discomfort. • Feel your emotions physically. • Know who and what pushes your buttons. • Watch yourself like a “hawk.” Learn to ask good questions. Be more insightful about “what you don’t know.”
EI Strategies • Keep a journal about your emotions until you become consistent at recognizing how you are feeling. • Don’t be fooled by a bad mood. Try to understand what is behind it. • Check-in with yourself periodically. • Seek feedback from others. If people are telling you what you want to hear, you are asking the wrong people for feedback. • Ask yourself why you do the things you do?
EI Strategies • Get to know yourself under stress. Become astutely self-aware. • Learn to suspend judgments and assumptions. • Focus more on your own reactions/responses than on those of others. • Determine how you will manage or regulate your emotional responses. Be specific. • Determine your level of motivation in greeting challenges and ensuring your growth as a person and a professional. • Don’t try to develop your social skills or ability to be empathic until you have undertaken the development of the three personal skills involved in increasing your EIQ: self-awareness, self-regulation, and motivation.
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