Self-compassion versus self-esteem

1. Self-compassion versus self-esteem Kristin Neff, PhD University of Texas at Austin

2. Self-Esteem Movement • For decades, self-esteem was seen to represent optimal psychological health • Widespread movement (largely failed) to promote self-esteem in the schools • Self-esteem no longer held in such high esteem

3. Two forms of self-esteem • William James: Perceptions of competence in important domains • Perfectionism – some feel it’s important to be good at everything • “Slacker” phenomenon – some only value things they’re good at (ex. basketball vs. school)

4. Two forms of self-esteem • Charles Horton Cooley: Looking-glass self • Self-esteem based on social approval • More emphasis placed on approval from acquaintances than close others • Can lead to conformity and lack of authenticity

5. Problems with self-esteem • Hard to raise self-esteem • Lake Wobegone effect – need to be special and above average to feel okay about oneself Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average. Garrison Keillor

6. The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to: • Narcissism and self-centeredness • Me Generation - Self-esteem movement has led to an epidemic of narcissism among college students

7. The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to: • Prejudice • People often derive self-esteem from feelings of superiority (race, politics, religion, culture)

8. The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to: • Ego-defensiveness (anger and projection) • Anger and aggression is often higher among those with high self-esteem Isn’t it going to be fun to get the respect we deserve?

9. The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to: • Self-esteem often contingent on appearance, competition, putting others down

10. The pursuit of high self-esteem may be linked to: • Self-esteem can be highly unstable, going up and down depending on our latest success or failure

11. Self-compassion vs. self-esteem • Both self-compassion and self-esteem involve positive emotions toward the self • Self-esteem based on evaluations of the self as worthy, likable or competent • Self-compassion does not involve self-evaluation, but entails positive feelings of care and connectedness • Both self-esteem and self-compassion offer protection against depression, anxiety, etc. • Self-compassion does not have the same drawbacks as self-esteem

12. Self-compassion vs. self-esteem Unlike self-esteem, self compassion: • Is not associated with narcissism • Helps buffer against ego-threat (less anxiety) • Associated with taking increased responsibility for past mistakes while also being less distressed by them • Is more stable and less contingent • Provides greater connectedness - fewer social comparisons, less anger, better relationships

13. Self-compassion versus self-esteem • Self-compassion de-emphasizes view of self as separate from others • Does not require defense of the ego • Self-compassion is (theoretically) always available • May be a healthier way to experience positive emotions toward the self