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Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Relationships. Discuss. 1. Describe the best relationship you have ever seen. What qualities make it the best relationship you know of? Discuss in your group the qualities you regard as most essential in a successful relationship.

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Chapter 7

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  1. Chapter 7 Relationships

  2. Discuss • 1. Describe the best relationship you have ever seen. What qualities make it the best relationship you know of? Discuss in your group the qualities you regard as most essential in a successful relationship. • 2. Now each describe the worst relationship you have ever seen. What factors make this arrangement destructive? Discuss in your group the elements you feel are least conducive to a successful couples relationship.

  3. Meaningful Relationships • Each person in the relationship has a separate identity • Each is able to give and receive honest and respectful feedback • Each person assumes responsibility for his or her own level of happiness • Both people actively work at keeping the relationship alive • Each person enjoys being with the other and they have fun together • Both people are equals in the relationship

  4. Meaningful Relationships • Each person finds meaning and sources of nourishment outside the relationship • Each person is growing and changing and moving in a direction in life that is personally meaningful • Both people encourage each other to become all they are capable of becoming rather than trying to control the other person • They do not expect the other to do for them what they are capable of doing for themselves • Each has a commitment to the other

  5. Anger in Relationships A FEW TIPS IN DEALING WITH ANGER: • Value the recognition and expression of anger • Express anger in a way that does not assassinate another’s character • Don’t hold on to anger or nurse grudges • Recognize danger signs when anger gets in the way of relationships • Talk more about yourself than about what is wrong with the other person • Decide when it is better not to express anger

  6. Discuss • Explore effective and healthy ways to deal with anger and conflict in relationships. • How well do you deal with anger and conflict in your relationships? What difficulties, if any, do you have in dealing with anger and conflict?

  7. Dealing Effectively with Conflict and confrontation Conflict can be a healthy sign of individual differences. If conflict emerges, keep the following points in mind: • If you confront a person, know why • View confrontation as a caring act • Accept responsibility for your own feelings • Tell others how you are struggling with them • Don’t walk away from conflict • Be open to forgiving others who have hurt you • Be willing to forgive yourself

  8. Barriers to Effective Communication • Recognizing communication blocks is the first step toward opening the channels to dialogue • Some barriers are: • Hearing only what you want to hear • Being overly concerned about getting your point across • Silently rehearsing what you will say as you are “listening” • Becoming overly defensive • Making assumptions about the other person without checking them out

  9. Discuss • What do you consider to be effective communication.? • When do you feel heard and understood? • What difficulties do you have communicating and understanding others?

  10. Exercise • Role-play: • Take turns in your group demonstrating good listening skills and poor listening skills.

  11. Gay and Lesbian Relationships • Many people in same-sex relationships experience discrimination and oppression • Homophobia, the irrational fear of homosexual people and strong negative attitudes about homosexuality, sometimes leads to hate crimes • Cross-cultural attitudes toward homosexuality range from condemnation to acceptance • Gay-affirmative therapy helps individuals accept their sexual identity and learn strategies to deal with those in society who harbor prejudice toward them

  12. Discuss • How do you know when it is time to terminate a relationship?

  13. Coping with the Termination of a Meaningful Relationship • Allow yourself the time to grieve • Express your anger without violence • Take responsibility for your own part in the relationship • Find a support network • Take care of other aspects of your life • Make use of writing in your journal • Be willing to forgive — both yourself and the other person • Seek closure and learn from the experience

  14. Discuss • What are your thoughts about the proposal that a couple should obtain a license before they have children? • Assuming that they would have to demonstrate their competence to rear children in a caring climate, what criteria would you use to determine their competence?

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