Communication skills

Communication skills How speaking and listening make life easier, more productive, and more fun!

COMMUNICATION: Conversation Making Friends in Middle School Taking Turns Speaking

Listening Skills LISTEN Name another word that uses ALL of the letters in the word below that is important to being a good listener SILENT

Good Listening skills • FOCUS – Look at the person who is talking. Be aware of your body language. You may lean forward a bit as you listen. • ACCEPT – Nod or smile. Say “uh, uh” to let the person know you are listening and accepting what he/she is saying. • GIVE FEEDBACK – This is when you may agree or disagree with what a person is saying. You may ask questions at this time. You must stay on the subject.

Poor Listening Skills • INTERRUPT – Talking or making noise interrupts someone who is talking • CHANGE THE SUBJECT – Talking about something else instead of responding to the person talking • IGNORE – Doing something else when someone is talking or looking away from the person who is talking

Open Ended Questions • Can’t be answered with just a “Yes” or a “No” (Closed ended question) • Give others the opportunity to respond to you with more than one or two words • Often begin with “What…” or “Tell me about…”

Listening game • Two volunteers • Student ONE draws a card. • Student TWO asks Student ONE an open ended question. • Student ONE role plays the listening skill on the card. • Class guesses the listening skill being role played

COMMUNICATION: Conflicts • HOW we talk or react to others will affect our ability to SOLVE conflicts with… • Friends • Teachers • Parents VIDEO: Resolving Disagreements

CHOOSE TWO TO DIFFUSE! Verbal AND Nonverbal communication helps solve problems!

Communication ‘DON’T’: “You” Message Usually involves: • Blaming • Threatening • Name Calling “You are a terrible friend” “You never listen to me” “You’d better give me my pencil”

Communication ‘DO’: “I” Message States how you truly feel without: • Blaming • Insulting • Threatening • Name Calling

“I” Message I feel __________________________ when you _______________________. Please _________________________.

“I” Message Examples “I feel hurt when you talk about me behind my back. Please come and talk to me directly.” “I feel frustrated when you interrupt me when I am talking. Please let me finish before you tell your story. “I feel angry when you take my pencil without asking. Please ask me if you need to borrow it.

Now, you try . . . Choose an example or make up your own; write an “I” message: •You are trying to do your work and Jamar is making noises. •You are lining up for lunch and Cindy cuts in front of you. •Alan sits next to you and keeps putting his books on your desk. •Susan rolls her eyes at you when you are talking.

Walkie/Talkies • Talk it in • Talk it out • Walk away or take a stand

Talk it in Talk to yourself (Self-talk) and tell yourself the truth about the situation Teaser: “Your feet are big!” Self-talk: “Actually, my feet are a pretty average size and who cares how big my feet are?”

Talk it out • Use “I” messages!! • Use your manners!! • Be respectful!! Teaser: “I don’t like your mama” You: “I feel angry when you talk about my mother. Please leave her out of this.”

Walk Away/Take a Stand • Move away from negative or dangerous activities OR • Stand up for what you think is right Friend: “Let’s go beat up that boy” You: “I have to go home now” OR “No, let’s just play basketball instead”

Walkie/Talkie Game • Divide into two teams • There are 3 types of game cards: • Talk it in • Talk it out • Walk Away/Take a stand • If you give an appropriate response using the given strategy you earn the number of points on the card for your team

Should I Tell? Is it dangerous? NO Does it have anything to do with me? YES Is it something I can work out? YES NO (Ignore) NO (Did you try?) YES Great Job! Tell an adult

HAT Chats Learning and Practicing the Art of Conversation

Hat Chats Guidelines • Please only one person talk at a time – try to refrain from interrupting • Include everyone in the conversation. Be aware of how much you are talking… • Only talk about “appropriate” topics • Use acceptable language • Absolutely NO gossip (talking about other people)

Inappropriate Topics • Other people’s personal information or feelings • Anything that could hurt someone’s feelings • PG-13 or R rated movie content • Violent or disturbing stories • Dating relationships • Stories about other students (unless you have permission to tell) • Personal information that your family does not want you to share

What if… • Someone asks me something I don’t feel comfortable answering? • Simply say “I would rather not answer that…Please ask me something else”. • I don’t understand what someone is asking me? • Just say “I don’t really understand the question.” • Someone interrupts me? • Remain calm and either let the person say their part and continue after he or she is finished or kindly say “Let me finish my thought quickly”. • People in our group disagree? • Agree to disagree. Not everyone thinks the same way. Try to see things from a different point of view. Often there is not only one “right” answer.

Procedures • Go to the area that has the hat pictured on your hat card. This is your Hat Chat group for the day. • Person with sticker on the back of the hat card will begin the conversation. • Starting/changing the topic will move to the left so that everyone gets a turn. • You may talk about whatever you like (appropriate topics) • You may choose to start or change the conversation topic by using a Hat Chat Conversation Starter Card in the hat (please return to the hat after using)

Communication skills