STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH DISRUPTIVE/DIFFICULT PEOPLE

1. STRATEGIES FOR DEALING WITH DISRUPTIVE/DIFFICULT PEOPLE Developed by: Norm Riggs, MA. Reviewed by: Joel Rosenthal, Ph.D., and Sarah Renner, M.A. Clinical Psychologist, Stanford University & Diana McCann, M.A., Business and Organization Consultant & Therapist

2. ANECDOTER (Note: Anecdoters can make a positive contribution if their stories are relevant, interesting, and not too long or frequent.) BEHAVIOR: • Loves to tell stories, usually about personal experiences. • Stories often relevant to business at hand and throw conversation off track, eating away at valuable time. • Stories tend to flatter storyteller. • Seeks humorous response or personal recognition.

3. ANECTDOTER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Acknowledge their contribution and move to refocus discussion. • If behavior becomes disruptive, point out time constraints and suggest that anectdoter share stories after meeting. • If behavior still a problem, take person aside and point out need to stick to agenda. Request help in keeping discussion on track.

4. AVOIDER BEHAVIOR: • Hates controversy or conflict or doesn’t want to commit to ideas or responsibility. • When faced with conflict, will change the subject, divert attention elsewhere, or plead for harmony. • Seeks approval and tends to agree with ideas prematurely.

5. AVOIDER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Reassure group by pointing out that disagreement - when exercised respectfully - is healthy and important to good decision making. • Ask open-minded questions to bring out discussion. • Maintain focus - don’t let avoiders stifle or sidetrack the discussion. • Clarify individual assignments and responsibilities to entire group. Set deadlines. Check on progress.

6. BLOCKER BEHAVIOR: • Negative. Cynical. “It won’t work.” • Belittles others’ ideas and rarely offer alternatives. • Indifferent to others’ feelings.

7. BLOCKER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Confront their negativism without openly opposing them or quibbling over small points. (For example, “You’re right, what we’ve tried in the past hasn’t worked, but…”). • Remain calm and maintain eye contact--blockers have little respect for wimps. • Be assertive and positive-don’t given in to their negativism. • Restate or summarize their point of view, but then firmly state your own position. • Use “I” statements to set your opinion apart from theirs.

8. COMPETITOR BEHAVIOR: • No matter what the idea, suggestion, or solution, the competitor can always come up with something better. • Tends to feel superior to other members of the group. • Possesses a strong need to “win.” • Resents those who contradict or question them. • Tends to recite facts for their case. • Enjoys pointing out others’ mistakes.

9. COMPETITOR NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Be polite and non-combative as possible - competitors are often looking for a fight. • Acknowledge their advice or opinion and then move discussion forward. • De-escalate the competition by refusing to engage and pointing out that, while it is useful to discuss the pros and cons of an idea or suggestion, this is not a debate about who’s right or wrong. • Make sure to double-check your facts.

10. DOMINATOR BEHAVIOR: • Monopolizes discussion • Interrupts others • Exerts power • Controlling • Finds fault with others & their ideas • Rambles • May lack focus

11. DOMINATOR NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Do your homework - know your facts. • Establish ground rules to promote a democratic discussion process. • Respond with facts without being confrontational. • Tactfully break in, thank the dominator for his/her contribution, and ask to “hear from others.” • Ask close-ended questions that require “yes” & “no” responses.

12. DOMINATOR NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES (continued): • Periodically stop and summarize what has been said. • Look for an opportunity to break in. (All of us have to pause to catch our breath.) • Promote wise use of time by scheduling meetings before lunch or at end of workday. • Apply peer pressure toward democratic participation. • Request that participants speak round-robin.

13. GOSSIPERS BEHAVIOR: • Derives power from rumors. • Rumors usually negative, not substantiated by facts, and harmful to others. • Often has a hidden agenda--rumors promote self-interest. • Uses rumors to distract from focus of meeting.

14. GOSSIPERS NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Ignore rumor -- quickly move back to focus. • Don’t react -- change the subject. • Be up front with gossiper that it is uncomfortable and inappropriate to engage in such discussion. • Press gossiper for source and factual basis of rumor. • Confront the gossiper -- if rumor is damaging to others, point this out.

15. JOKER (Note: Humor is sometimes welcome. In moderation, jokers can add spice to a discussion and may relieve tension, but a little of this behavior goes a long way.) BEHAVIOR: • Craves attention. • Wants credit for entertaining. • Distracts and annoys group, especially the leader.

16. JOKER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Initially, ignore behavior. • If behavior continues, pause and make eye contact with joker. This will sometimes exert group peer pressure on joker to refrain. • Set behavior limits -- ask joker to please help group stay on task. • Direct a question at or a request for input from joker.

17. NITPICKER BEHAVIOR: • Unpleasant perfectionist. • Worries and quibbles over little things. • May be argumentative and critical of others. • Distracts group from “big picture.”

18. NITPICKER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Acknowledges nitpicker’s point but don’t let group get sidetracked from main focus. • If nitpicking becomes excessive, request that person visit with leader after meeting to discuss fine points. • Nitpickers tend to be serious types; incorporate some humor or fun into meeting.

19. RECOGNITION SEEKER BEHAVIOR: • Seeks credit for achievements. • Anxious to please. • Tends to be committed, active, and responsible member of group.

20. RECOGNITION SEEKER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Usually satisfied when acknowledged and complimented for their contributions. • If behavior becomes distracting, give them an assignment to make use of their energy.

21. SABOTEUR BEHAVIOR: • Devious. Conniving. Often has a vendetta against others. • Plots and works behind the scene. May enlist others. • Concerned primarily with self-interest. • Betrays confidence. • May withhold information. • Like gossipers, saboteurs create and spread unpleasant facts or allegations.

22. SABOTEUR NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Handle with care! Such people are dangerous--can destroy lives and careers. • There is seldom middle ground with saboteurs--confront them, either privately or in meeting. In extreme cases, dismiss from group. • Create and keep allies among group members. Peer pressure may help neutralize saboteurs. • Keep accurate records as proof in case it’s “your word against theirs.”

23. SELF-CONFESSOR/SYMPATHY SEEKER BEHAVIOR: • Shifts conversation toward personal needs, problems, or misfortunes. • Diverts focus by dumping personal, unwanted information on group. • Seeks feedback and sympathy from group.

24. SELF-CONFESSOR/SYMPATHY SEEKER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • If concerns have some merit, briefly and gently acknowledge this person’s situation but quickly return to topic at hand. • Explain that time constraints do not allow for group discussion of unresolved personal concerns. • If behavior resumes, ignore and stay focused. • Take person aside and privately discuss concerns. Sometimes such people are insecure and may need a little understanding or reinforcement. • If person is extremely distressed, privately suggest seeking professional assistance to help talk through problems.

25. SPECIAL INTEREST PLEADER BEHAVIOR: • Promotes personal interest over that of group. • Often has a hidden agenda. • Diverts attention and discussion toward personal interest. • Dominant and persistent; may bully others to gain personal goals.

26. SPECIAL INTEREST PLEADER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Keep discussion focused and productive (“What you’re saying is interesting, now let’s hear from some others.”) • Avoid confronting them with facts -- they will usually try to refute facts in order to plead their cause. • Look for opportunity to dovetail the needs of the special interest pleader with the focus and needs of the group. • Rely on peer pressure to pursue interest of the group as a whole.

27. WITHDRAWER (Note: Withdrawers may fall into two categories: (1) Individuals who are shy and may lack confidence. (2) People who refuse to become engaged because they have an “attitude.”) BEHAVIOR: • Does not become engaged in discussion. • Often sends out “negative vibes.” • May be genuinely disinterested in topic • May disagree with majority opinion. • Withdrawing behavior may result from lack of confidence.

28. WITHDRAWER NEUTRALIZING STRATEGIES: • Ask his or her opinion. • Establish eye contact. • Ask open-ended questions (“what,” “how,” “why,” “could,” or “would”) that encourage discussion. • Offer encouragement to their ideas and remind them that their ideas are important to the group. • Like avoiders, clarify their responsibilities, set deadlines, and check on their progress.